


Numb Our Minds

by MellowWrites



Series: TiMER Series [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - TiMER Fusion, Blow Jobs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:54:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 71,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellowWrites/pseuds/MellowWrites
Summary: It started on March 5th.Well, maybe it did for Yahaba Shigeru. For Kyoutani Kentarou, it probably was sooner than that. More specifically, it probably started when he turned sixteen.





	1. Prologue

It started on March 5th.

Well, maybe it did for Yahaba Shigeru. For Kyoutani Kentarou, it probably was sooner than that. More specifically, it probably started when he turned sixteen.

It also happened to be the same day as the anniversary of his mother’s death.

Kentarou hated his birthday for that reason. Of all the days for her to die, it had to be on his birthday, effectively making the day one of dread rather than a cause for celebration. All because some asshole needed to drink before he went driving.

He tries not to think about how his father probably did that now.

Anyway, his sixteenth birthday also became the third year she’d been out of Kentarou’s life, which also meant it’d been three years of watching his father change into someone he could barely recognise. And with the day of December 7th approaching, Kentarou had to listen to his father spin tales about his mother, but only the sad ones, because it was easier to say he was crying over the sad memories than to say he was crying over her at all.

Kentarou kept himself hidden during that week, barely recognised his birthday had passed. His father did notice though, brought up the topic at breakfast the day after. More specifically that it was Kentarou’s sixteenth birthday, and he could get the TiMER if he wanted.

“You know, it really changed my life when I met your mother,” his father had said as Kentarou dug around the cupboards for something to eat. Most of it was stale though, and he focused more on wondering if his old man ever went shopping than the idea of being miserable like his father. “The TiMER is important, Ken - really, you should probably just get it.”

Kentarou scowled, turned his glare on his father when he couldn’t find anything. “Fuck no,” he had spat, “and buy some food for once.”

He stormed from the kitchen, wondering if he’d actually go to volleyball practice or if he’d skip again that day. His father didn’t respond to his words, just popped the tab on his beer. It was just another one of those days, only worse because his wife was officially gone for three years.

Kentarou had ended up skipping school entirely, just walked around the park as light snow fell around him. He was sixteen and could go get the TiMER if he wanted, his father gave permission after all, but his father was so miserable after he had lost his one. Kentarou wasn’t sure he wanted to love someone so much that he literally felt nothing after losing them that he’d have to drown himself day in and day out with beer.

Over the break, Kentarou remained inside except when his father would continuously barge into his room, wanting to talk about sad things that Kentarou couldn’t listen to. He spent time in the park when that happened, or at the local gym to practice his serve. Anywhere that people wouldn’t talk to him - anywhere away from drunks who lost their soulmates and anywhere that the TiMER wouldn’t be brought up through radio or television shows.

The park grew to be a bad place after the New Year came, an advertisement for the TiMER prominently displayed in the center at the kiosk. Kentarou thought about defacing it, decided against it; just because his father was miserable after losing his one didn’t mean Kentarou had to rain on other’s hope of finding love.

He did kick the sign though.

It took him the whole month of January to recognise his father was different, or more specifically, that his father was sober for once. Kentarou felt something light up in his chest at this, but he eventually squashed it down when he reminded himself that it wouldn’t last.

But it was welcomed nonetheless and Kentarou happily sat at breakfast - real breakfast - with his father, who was for once talking about his happiest memories with Kentarou’s mother. It felt good to hear about her through happiness again, and Kentarou felt himself smiling a bit at the jokes his father told him she’d made up.

On Valentine’s Day, the advertisements for the TiMER were everywhere, but listening to how in love his father once was made Kentarou feel at ease when he saw the product. And when his parents’ anniversary came up a week and a half later, Kentarou listened to his still sober father tell him about how they’d met.

“She was rushing down the sidewalk, arms laden with boxes of chocolates from the after Valentine’s Day sale, and I thought she was the most beautiful woman ever,” his father recalled, Kentarou nodding along. “I figured I should help her, kind of hoped she was my one since that was the day according to my TiMER. But that didn’t totally matter, not when I walked towards her and asked if she needed help just as all the boxes slipped to the ground,” his father laughed, “and she squealed in fear for her chocolates, so I helped her pick them up.

“When she finally thanked me, we heard our TiMERs go off and it was as if the stars were made from her eyes as I looked at her.” Kentarou smiled, knew how his mother’s eyes once sparkled so wonderfully - knew exactly what his father was talking about. “She yelled at me for not meeting her before Valentine’s Day and threw one of the boxes at me after that, but it didn’t matter to me. For White Day, I was ready to propose, and apparently she was ready to say yes.”

Hearing the stories of his mother, about how his father fell in love with her every time he looked at her, was enough to remind Kentarou of his desires to have the TiMER once upon a time. He hesitated, didn’t know if this would really last, or if he would be able to be as happy as his father once was. Eventually, he made his choice, so on February 28th his father took him to get the TiMER, and Kentarou was greeted with dashes flashing up at him.

“Same thing happened to me for about a month,” his father shrugged, smiling down at him. “Then your mother got hers and, well, you know the rest.”

Kentarou nodded, quietly worried it would be like the second year setter, Oikawa Tooru, who’d been waiting for nearly two years on his flashing TiMER. As annoying as Oikawa was, Kentarou had some pity for him and his flashing TiMER.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long, as the next day his TiMER began to count down. What shocked him was that it counted down only a few days.

Which brings us back to March 5th, and Yahaba Shigeru.

Kentarou had decided to return to volleyball the morning of March 5th, figured that by then the old third years would be completely gone and he’d only have to deal with the incoming third years - mostly Oikawa, seeing as Iwaizumi Hajime wasn’t so bad, and Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro were just as chill as Iwaizumi.

He was running late, and he hoped the new captain - whoever it was - wouldn’t scold him and lord over him his title of being captain by punishing him. What he didn’t expect was for his fellow first-going-on-second year, Yahaba, to glare at him with some of the other first years before the beeping sounded from his wrist.

Clearly, neither did Yahaba, who looks to his wrist in surprise before turning his eyes back up to Kentarou in shock.

Kentarou stares back, the sound of volleyballs bouncing and shoes squeaking filling the room as practice continues around them, no notice of what had begun.


	2. Chapter One

Shigeru counts himself lucky his parents don’t notice his TiMER having finished the countdown, what with their busy business lives and forgetful nature of his personal life. He doesn’t think he’s hurt by this, but he also doesn’t think he would want to tell them if they did notice.

Kyoutani probably wasn’t an ideal soulmate, and Shigeru would die before he let anyone important learn of his relation to the other boy.

Shigeru had been so excited when his TiMER started counting down as soon as it was implanted, and was just as excited when he saw it was only four days. What ruined it was seeing Kyoutani that morning and the beeping that came with locking his eyes onto him, and earning whispers and odd looks from their teammates who noticed the exchange.

What made it worse was Oikawa finding out and, as the new captain, slinging an arm around Shigeru asking for him to bring his soulmate back to the team.

He’s pretty sure if he can’t tell his parents he’s met his soulmate due to hating the guy, Shigeru also can’t bring himself to actively find him and bring him back just because the TiMER told him Kyoutani matters.

So Shigeru had shook his head, told Oikawa he would rather not speak to Kyoutani ever again - which earned him a confused and slightly heartbroken stare from the older boy - and jogged away before Oikawa could fight him on it. He knew Oikawa believed in the TiMER wholeheartedly despite his blinking up at him, but Shigeru wasn’t like that. His family wasn’t like that.

Within his family, Shigeru knew it was all a matter of appearances. Since the social norm was to get the TiMER, and then marry whoever your TiMER told you, that is what Shigeru’s parents expected of him. However, though the social norm was to do this and same sex couples were becoming recognised in their world, Shigeru knew his parents expected grandchildren.

He couldn’t have grandchildren with another man - actually, Shigeru was pretty sure he didn’t like boys that way because his parents left no wiggle room on who they expected his soulmate to be. Girl, her, she, feminine - his parents were set on Shigeru’s one being a girl and Kyoutani was far too masculine to be what they expected.

So Shigeru went to school, avoided any place he ever saw Kyoutani hanging around in the past, and prayed the other boy would continue to skip practice so he at least wouldn’t have to. If he ignored his TiMER and what it tried to tell him, avoided the feeling he got when his heart began to pound the morning of March 5th upon looking at Kyoutani, then maybe Shigeru would never be able to bring disappointment to his parents.

Outside of this situation, everything else in Shigeru’s average life remains normal. Classes drag on and the people around him act just like they always had. Watari meets him for lunch and he talks with him about volleyball techniques, of potential new first years and rumors, and essentially avoids looking to the wrist Shigeru has covered with a band.

This avoidance of his supposed destiny is going well, until it ends.

Shigeru looks around the shelves, trying to find the exact book his teacher recommended for study before the final exams the next week. He isn’t having any luck and wonders if perhaps he’s in the wrong location for where the book could be found when he sees someone between the books on the other side. He stares, tries to tell himself to run before the other boy notices.

Unfortunately, Kyoutani must have a sixth sense when it comes to being stared at, because his eyes snap up from the book he’s skimming to look Shigeru in the eye. They stare at one another, Kyoutani’s face in an eternal scowl before he snaps the book shut, jamming it into the space of books Shigeru is peering through before he hears Kyoutani storm off. Gulping, Shigeru hesitates, feels some heat in his face as he thinks back to the look in Kyoutani’s eyes before he blocked Shigeru’s view.

Rolling his shoulders, Shigeru turns to move around the shelf to the other side, looking around to see if he could find the book Kyoutani was skimming. He finds it easily enough, and notes that it was replaced into the wrong area. Shigeru feels a twinge of surprise when he pulls the book out, sees it’s the one his teacher told the class to review and wonders if Kyoutani’s class was told to do the same.

He moves around to where he’d started, looks between the book and the shelves and finds that the place he’d spotted Kyoutani was the place the book should have been.

Did Kyoutani take it, saw Shigeru coming, and run to hide from him? Shigeru glares at the spot the book came from, glares through to where Kyoutani last stood, and grows angry knowing Kyoutani was trying to avoid him, too.

His parents are out when he gets home that night, and he wonders if there was something waiting for him in the fridge or if he’d have to cook for himself. Shigeru sighs, heading to his room instead to write in his journal.

_March 16th, 2017_

_Spotted Kyoutani in the library today. I think he might be avoiding me, and for some reason that irks me. I’m supposed to avoid him, not the other way around._

_Still, it helps if he doesn’t want to see me either. It’s nice if the person you never want to see also doesn’t want to see you._

_Exams are starting soon, and then breaks starts. Mom and Dad said something about a trip to Kyoto for the break if I do well, so I’m studying as much as possible._

_Oikawa-senpai has been talking to me more lately and I’m worried he’s going to try to make me into his setter prodigy or something. I can never be as good as him, though if it were possible, I’d try my hardest. Watari thinks it is, but Watari has always been an optimist. It’s good to have someone who thinks that way I guess, but it can get annoying if I know it’s not possible for me._

_No one has asked about it and I hope it stays that way._

It’s a hassle to keep a journal about his day to day life, but his mother had him in therapy back in junior high because he’d had a break down and the therapist had suggested he keep one. Shigeru didn’t take well to it at first, but eventually it’d become routine and before Shigeru realized it, he was writing everyday, even after he’d stopped seeing the therapist.

Since his TiMER went off, Shigeru has found most of his entries started with mentioning Kyoutani and his hatred for his supposed soulmate. However, he’s never mentioned the TiMER explicitly in his journal entries, mostly for his own sanity than anything else.

Shigeru wishes the TiMER hadn’t gone off that day, wishes it had been someone else. Sometimes, he even wishes his TiMER had just been blank - sometimes he daydreams of a world without the clock, a world where Kyoutani was just a minor annoyance in his life.

———

Kentarou hates this, wishes he could just transfer schools already. But Seijou is a good school and has a good volleyball team (fat chance he’d go back though - apparently Oikawa was the new captain and fuck that, just fuck that) and Kentarou isn’t sure he wants to explain to his dad that it’s because his one seems to be everywhere.

He’s seen him in the hall between classes and would book it in the other direction, and sometimes when Kentarou goes to walk into another room of the building, he’d see him and have to backtrack out of the doors before anyone saw him. Several times he’d seen him in the library, and Kentarou especially hated that because goddamnit he liked the library, people didn’t try to talk to him in there and he could find any information for his studies in preparation for exams just by moving through the isles.

Which is why he’s carefully looking into the school library now, looking both ways and scanning the faces of every person before he steps inside. No sight of Yahaba, and Kentarou breathes easy when he walks towards the bookshelves and continues to not see him. He probably looks weird though, his body hunched over as he moves, looking this way and that to see if he can spot Yahaba before Yahaba sees him.

“He’s in his classroom,” a soft voice whispers behind him, and Kentarou nearly jumps out of his skin as he turns to see who it is. Watari is smiling up at him from the table, though his eyebrows being drawn up in concern betray his real emotions. Kentarou tries to relax, thinks he remembers Watari’s personality enough to know the guy wasn’t terrible. “I know you’re trying to avoid each other, so you can relax now - Yahaba is studying with some guys in his class for the classical lit exam tomorrow.”

Kentarou nods, looks around the library at the other students. Most of the tables were filled though, except Watari’s, where only a few other students sat. So he gestures to the chair beside him, and Watari shrugs in quiet answer. Kentarou flops into the seat, digs out his science textbook to study the words. Watari doesn’t say anything else, just returns to his own studies and they sit in the relative silence of the library for a moment.

About a half hour into their studying, however, someone drops what sounds like books and causes everyone to look up. Kentarou flinches at the sound, but keeps his head lowered, eyes on the scientific phrases that just look like a jumbled mess.

“What do you think you’re doing?” A familiar voice hisses, and Kentarou sees Watari shrug out of the corner of his eye. Kentarou figures the person knows Watari, and because the guy’s voice sounds familiar, Kentarou supposes he might know him too. Upon looking up however, Kentarou almost wishes he didn’t, Yahaba’s glare heavy and hot on him.

He glances between Yahaba and Watari, sees the apologetic look on Watari’s face and knows that the question was actually directed to Kentarou. So he snaps his book shut, shuffles around to put it back in his bag when he notices the books and papers at their feet. Bending further, Kentarou picks one up and notes it’s the book he’d been skimming the last time he encountered Yahaba here. Yahaba snatches it from his hand, and Kentarou scowls up at him.

“What’s your problem?”

“You,” Yahaba spits, and he thinks Yahaba meant to whisper it but it was far too loud for a library. Kentarou stands, feels the angry wafting from Yahaba and can feel his own start to build.

“My bad, sorry I exist,” he spits right back and the small murmurs of people studying comes to a stop. Kentarou hears the small voice in his head tell him to just leave, but he remains standing before Yahaba, knowing that this would happen eventually and with both of them avoiding each other, it needed to happen sooner than later.

Yahaba scoffs, crossing his arms as his glare softens from anger to more annoyance. “Please, whether you exist or not isn’t what matters here. Just stay away from me.”

Kentarou feels his eye twitch, “you stuck up piece of shit…”

“What did you call me?!”

“Stuck up piece of—”

“Gentlemen!” Kentarou stops, turns with Yahaba to see the librarian standing nearby with her hands on her hips. “If you would, please take this _out_ of the library! People are trying to study!”

For a moment, Kentarou can’t place what he did wrong, but by glancing around at the other students he realizes he and Yahaba were probably starting to yell at one another. So he turns away, grabs up his bag and flings it over his shoulder in order to leave without another glance to Yahaba.

Yahaba however is apologising to the librarian, dropping down to pick up his books and papers. He doesn’t glance over to Kentarou, but it’s clear the librarian is waiting for Yahaba to leave as well. Kentarou doesn’t wait, just hurries to the exit and hopes he doesn’t have to deal with Yahaba again.

“Wait!” He hears him call once he’s outside, bringing back Kentarou’s scowl. Stopping, Kentarou turns and drops his bag to his feet, watching Yahaba run over to him. He’s not sure what to expect, but he certainly doesn’t expect being shoved at.

“What the hell?”

“Stay away from my friends,” Yahaba snaps, breathing hard. Kentarou glares incredulously at him, jaw clenching so hard he feels his teeth ache. “You and I, nothing will happen here.”

“Good, I didn’t want anything to happen,” Kentarou grumbles back.

“So don’t go hanging around my friends,” Yahaba shouts, his glare sending shivers down Kentarou’s spine.

“Watari said I could sit there - there wasn’t anywhere else to sit.”

“Whatever, I don’t care,” Yahaba crosses his arms, looks away to scan the schoolyard. Some students are walking past, trying not to stare. “I don’t want to see you and I don’t want you near my friends, you got that, Mad Dog?”

Kentarou’s anger rises and he wishes he could return Yahaba’s shove, but he sees one of the teacher’s leaving the building and knows he’d get into more trouble than Yahaba at this point. So instead he levels his glare on Yahaba’s stupid face before bending to pick his bag back up, turning to leave.

Fuck this school, and fuck his soulmate.


	3. Chapter Two

Shigeru can feel his eye twitching, the ball in his hands shaking with him. “I’m not doing it, please stop asking.”

Oikawa pouts, eyes narrowing. “Yahaba, I know you hate him, but your TiMER—”

“TiMER? What’s that?” Shigeru plays dumb, turning away to try to continue picking up the volleyballs that had scattered about the gym during practice that afternoon.

Oikawa’s following him though, and Shigeru wonders what the big deal is. “Come on, I need you to get Mad Dog-chan to come back! I have this plan—”

“Not interested,” Shigeru mutters, tossing the balls he’d grabbed on his way into the bin. “Oikawa-san, I think you should just do it yourself at this point. I’m not speaking to him, and he sure as hell isn’t going to listen to me.”

“That’s terrible, you’re soulmates,” Oikawa hums then. “But… I guess it’s not for everyone.”

Shigeru nods, turning back to his captain with a smile. “Yeah, but don’t give up hope for yourself of course!”

Oikawa beams at him, “oh, I don’t plan to! I just know she’ll get her’s this year!”

“Hey, dumbass, let’s go!” Iwaizumi calls from the entrance to the gym, and Shigeru glances his way before bending to get the volleyballs at their feet. “Leave the second years alone!”

“Coming, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa calls back before turning to Shigeru with a wink. “But seriously, if you ever change your mind, it’d be great if—”

“Go before your boyfriend throws something,” Shigeru mutters, rolling his eyes. Oikawa laughs at the joke before waving and jogging away. Shigeru sighs, moving the ball bin to continue collecting the balls. Watari passes him with the broom, snickering to himself and Shigeru almost throws one of the balls at him. He’d take his revenge when they go out to celebrate Watari’s birthday that passed the other day, but for now he continues to collect the volleyballs.

The new school year has only just begun and already Oikawa is hounding Shigeru about Kyoutani - among other things volleyball related, but mostly it was about the TiMER and Kyoutani. While Shigeru understood why Oikawa believed Shigeru was the best option to collect Kyoutani and bring him back to the club, Shigeru had no faith in himself to do so.

His parents had stayed true to their word and taken Shigeru to Kyoto for the short break, and while they remained unaware of the TiMER, it was clear they wanted to ask him about it. However, Shigeru was good at misdirection and had kept them from asking by running off whenever he’d spotted something in the distance, or by asking them questions that he knew would get them rambling - politics for his father and celebrity gossip for his mother.

Shigeru returns to the ball bin to the storage closet, nodding to Watari when he goes to leave for the day. He wonders about the practice match he’d heard Oikawa planning with the coaches, about this Karasuno school and whether or not the coaches would actually go for it.

He thinks about stopping off on his way home to buy a snack when he trips over something, falling over himself into the dirt. Groaning, he rubs at his head, wondering what had happened.

“My bad,” a grumble comes from above him, and Shigeru turns to look up, seeing a hand outstretched to him. He feels his head throb when he sees Kyoutani’s face beyond the outstretched arm and moves to smack his hand away. Kyoutani scowls in return, tucking his hand into his pocket.

“What the hell did I trip on, your bad attitude?” Shigeru snaps, pulling himself up. Briefly he considers that in this moment, he’s the one with the bad attitude since Kyoutani at least tried to help him up.

Kyoutani’s frown deeps as he watches Shigeru brush his uniform off. “I left my bag on the ground…”

“Why?” Shigeru crosses his arms, the throb of annoyance in his head getting worse.

“Cat,” is all Kyoutani grumbles, and then Shigeru notices the small kitten in Kyoutani’s other hand and tucked close to his chest. It looks shaken up, as if it’d been terrified of something.

Shigeru stares at it, can’t place what happened here. “Uh…”

“Stuck in the tree,” Kyoutani supplies, pointing to the tree overhead, and Shigeru looks up. There’s a branch broken and hanging from it, so he can guess Kyoutani might have knocked it out of place when trying to get the kitten. Shigeru’s face warms at the thought of Kyoutani going to save a kitten from a tree, glancing back to the small kitten that seems to be calming down in Kyoutani’s hold.

“Oh…” Shigeru bites his lip, rubs at the sore spot on his elbow where he’d landed. “I’m sorry for yelling then.”

Kyoutani gives him a look. “You know apologies?”

“I’m not some uncultured idiot, idiot,” Shigeru snaps back, knows he sounds childish. There was just something about Kyoutani that made him beyond annoyed, and Shigeru figures that Oikawa’s antics with Iwaizumi didn’t help influence him any better.

Kyoutani just rolls his eyes though, squatting to rest the kitten down on it’s paws. "Whatever, your highness…”

Huffing, Shigeru decides to leave, turning to do so when he figures he could at least try to go through with Oikawa’s request. So he stops, hesitating a moment before turning back and marching back to Kyoutani. The kitten is licking his fingers before scampering away at Shigeru’s approach.

“Come back to volleyball,” Shigeru demands, and Kyoutani gives him a different look - the first one hadn’t been easy to read, but this one Shigeru could tell was of annoyance.

“Why should I?”

Shigeru bites his lip, tapping his fingers against his thigh as he tries to find a good enough reason. “It’d help the team,” he decides on, but Kyoutani looks unimpressed.

“Oikawa put you up to this, didn’t he?”

He shrugs dramatically, dropping his hands and smacking them into his hips. “Come back or not, whatever, I don’t care - it’d get Oikawa off my back if I can say I tried and left it up to you anyway…”

Kyoutani’s eyebrows raise. “Last I checked, I wasn’t supposed to come near you.”

“Well, it’s spring and a new school year. Chance for something different or whatever,” Shigeru shrugs, taps his foot a bit before sighing. “Whatever, I don’t care,” he turns on his heels then, stomping away.

He doesn’t look back, and he decides now he can tell Oikawa he tried and failed to bring Kyoutani back. Shigeru knows that with that annoyance off his back, he can stop having to think about Kyoutani, knows he won’t wonder about the other boy or his apparent love of animals.

That kitten was really cute, though.

———

Kentarou locks the door behind him as he walks into his home, hears the television blaring from the living room and immediately knows something is off. He kicks his shoes off carelessly, coming around the corner and finds the last thing he wanted to see.

His father is seated in his favorite chair, staring blankly at the talk show host, clearly lost in a haze of memories. What gets to Kentarou isn’t the sight of his father’s unfocused eyes, but rather the can of beer he’s currently holding.

And the pile of empty beer cans at his feet.

Kentarou stares, feels his jaw hang as he watches his father for a moment. It was almost four months, he’d almost made it to four months before he ended up caving. Five was his father’s record, and Kentarou knew he should stop hoping every time his father stopped drinking.

It didn’t stop this moment from hurting, and he swallows before clenching his jaw shut. He moves forward silently, grabbing the nearest convenience store bag to start putting the empty cans away. Kentarou’s presence in front of his father seems to startle him though, because he sloshes his beer before shifting to focus his hazy eyes on Kentarou.

“When’d you get here?”

“Just now,” Kentarou grumbles, doesn’t look up at his father. A hum is the response he gets before his father is downing the last of his current beer. Kentarou finishes picking up the cans, had counted nearly fifteen before taking the freshly empty one from his father. “When’d this start?”

His father stares up at him, and Kentarou has to look away from the unfocused look. “I don’t know… maybe ten?”

Nearly nine hours then. Kentarou sighs, moves away and to the kitchen to place the bag of cans in there. His father doesn’t call out to him, and the sound of the audience on the television laughing is all he can hear as he moves to retire into his bedroom.

Kentarou falls into his bed, thinks back to his encounter with Yahaba. It had been weird to see someone from the volleyball team again, especially Yahaba. It had also been weird to show a different side of himself to anyone that knew of him, but in a way, Kentarou finds he doesn’t mind that Yahaba saw him with that kitten.

Yahaba may hate him, and Kentarou might hate him too, but the TiMER still said they were each other’s one and if there was anything his mother left him, it was the belief in the TiMER.

But today, his father had fallen down a dark hole again and the loss of Kentarou’s mother was eating away at him again.

Kentarou rolls to his side, looking to the TiMER on his wrist. The zeroes were small, but at least they were there. On his father’s wrist, nothing but a white strip stares back at you, and Kentarou feels his stomach tighten at the thought, remembers his father’s face when he first looked down in the hospital and saw the zeroes of his TiMER had gone out.

If something happened to Yahaba, would Kentarou cry like that? If he looked at his wrist one day and saw only a white strip, would he feel like the world had been plunged into darkness?

Probably not, but that didn’t stop him from rubbing his left thumb over his TiMER, watching the zeroes reappear from under his thumb as it moves. Yahaba had been the one that registered the zeroes, and he’d done the same for him.

Kentarou sighs, rolls back to stare up at the ceiling. Some small part of him wonders what would happen if he did go back to volleyball, if he ran into Yahaba more often.

So he goes back to the gym a few days later, but chooses to remain off the court. Instead, he stands up on the second floor overhang with other students - mostly girls who were whispering about Oikawa (Kentarou could never understand why these girls thought Oikawa was so hot) - and watched the team from a distance.

He came at an interesting time, because some other school is there and Oikawa is nowhere to be found. Kentarou found the whole situation interesting, namely because this other team had some shorty playing middle blocker and he was knocking everything over and royally screwing things up for them. He has to stifle laughter at the sight, but he doesn’t notice much else about this other school when notices Yahaba playing as setter.

Oikawa isn’t in the gym, so of course Yahaba would play as setter, though that didn’t mean Kentarou couldn’t be shocked. He plays alright for a backup setter, but Kentarou knows Seijou’s true strength wasn’t being displayed with Yahaba setting to them.

“I guess Oikawa sprained his leg,” he hears one of the girls whisper to another, and Kentarou perks up at this. Why the hell would the guy who would probably marry volleyball go and let himself get hurt?

“So we won’t get to see him?” The other whispers back, and Kentarou rolls his eyes.

He tunes the girls out, continues to watch Seijou play against the other school and wonders if things would work out if he came back. Considering his absence however, Kentarou is more than certain the coaches would never let him play, with or without Oikawa sending his soulmate to collect him.

Yahaba never notices him from his place near Oikawa’s fangirls, and he watches the shorty from the other team serve the ball right into the back of their setter’s head. He has to squat down and hold his mouth to keep from busting out in laughter when the gym falls silent at this, and the girls near him try to scoot away without drawing attention.

The next set starts in the time it takes Kentarou to calm down and not laugh again, and by the time he’s standing again, the shorty seems to have calmed down himself and the other team is doing much better. He’s as caught up in the crazy sets the setter pulls off with shorty as everyone else is that he barely notices when Oikawa first walks into the room.

He sees him though, staring up at him from the side of the gym, leaning against the wall. He’s smirking up at Kentarou, and he scowls back. The second set ends and Oikawa moves forward as the third set is about to start, catching the attention of the girls. Kentarou scowls, moves out of the way so no one sees him when they glance at the girls just as they start cheering at Oikawa’s presence.

Irritated at the girls squealing, Kentarou decides to just leave. He doesn’t want to watch anymore volleyball, but instead of heading home he decides to head to the local gym to practice his serve.

———

_April 11th, 2017_

_Oikawa-senpai told me Kyoutani came to watch the practice match apparently. I didn’t see him though, and I’m not sure what this means for the team. If he does come back, does that mean more people will be benched to make way for his apparent talent?_

_The kitten he saved the other day was by the tree again, and I picked it up to save it from making the same mistake of climbing the tree again. It might be homeless, so I tried to find a shelter I could take it to. Instead, Mom called and asked why I was late, so when I told her about the kitten she told me to bring it home._

_I guess I have a cat now. Dad doesn’t seem happy about it though._

_If Kyoutani ever did come back, I’m not sure how I’d feel. Probably annoyed at first. But after that, I don’t really know what could happen._

_Watari asked about the wristband when he saw I got rid of it. I didn’t know how to answer him._

Shigeru sat back, clicking his tongue. The wristband was annoying, so Shigeru stopped wearing it the other day. He looks down to his lap where the kitten lays, curled into itself. He’s not sure of the gender, but his mother seems excited about a cat and is taking it to the vet tomorrow for all the appropriate stuff. He scratches at the fur for a moment, wondering if the kitten would need a bath.

It looks up at him suddenly, giving a soft meow before yawning. Shigeru grins, tucking the kitten into his hands before moving to the makeshift bed he’d created out of blankets for it.

“I wonder if Kyoutani actually likes animals,” he mumbles, petting the kitten for a moment before standing to get ready for bed. The kitten meows at him again, and he looks back to see it sitting up and watching him with wide eyes. “You like Kyoutani, don’t you?”

The kitten meows again before curling up into the blankets. Shigeru tries to fight back the smile that threatens to grow, tells himself it’s because of how cute the kitten is.


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had zero motivation to write this and no idea how to start this chapter... but then I figured it out and tried again. :)

Kentarou isn’t looking forward to school due to a gut wrenching feeling of dread that’s screaming at him to turn back and go home. Oikawa having seen him during that practice match can only mean bad things for him, specifically in regards to his supposed soulmate and his mission to bring Kentarou back to the team.

He avoids the gym and the library, and if he catches sight of Yahaba or anyone who looks like him, he hightails it in the opposite direction. He hates how it feels like March all over again, but Kentarou does as he feels is right. In class, his TiMER pokes out from under his sleeve and Kentarou does his best to not look at it. Just because he almost wants to see what will happen if he ran into Yahaba more doesn’t mean he’s going to actively let it happen. In fact, he almost wishes his TiMER would go blank like his father’s - only, he doesn’t want Yahaba to die, that’s far too cruel.

Despite his efforts, by the end of the day Yahaba is outside by the tree he’d pulled the kitten from and Kentarou wonders what he is going to say this time. He glares across the school yard at him, and debates going back inside to hide in the library, but he figures Yahaba would seek him out there if Kentarou didn’t show up.

So he moves forward, eyes on Yahaba and thinking of every possible response to the question of coming back to the team. Oikawa is infuriating, just seeing him from a distance is enough for Kentarou to keep avoiding volleyball - at least, other volleyball players his age.

Yahaba sees him once Kentarou is only a few steps away, and he doesn’t move forward. His face remains passive, and Kentarou grows frustrated at the casual look Yahaba gives him. He opens his mouth, ready to tell Yahaba he and the rest of the team - mainly Oikawa, he supposes - could go to hell when Yahaba rushes to speak instead.

“What should I name the cat?”

Kentarou stops dead, mouth snapping shut. Yahaba doesn’t flinch, and he seems pretty calm. He’s even smiling a little, and that just looks wrong in Kentarou’s eyes.

“What?”

“The cat,” Yahaba repeats, smile falling away as he gestures behind him to the tree. “I picked him up the other day and my mom said I could keep him. What should I name him?”

Kentarou stares, blinking once to see if his vision would change and someone other than Yahaba, the most annoying person in his year, would end up being someone else standing before him.

Yahaba frowns, crossing his arms and huffing. “You seemed to like the kitten, so I thought I’d ask if you had a name in mind…”

He blinks at him again, still in disbelief that this is the conversation they’re having.

“Could you just say something already?” Yahaba scowls through his teeth, and Kentarou relaxes when he realizes that Yahaba hasn’t been possessed. He’s still rude and impatient.

“Momo.”

Yahaba’s eyes widen before he narrows them, a smirk on his lips. “Seriously? Momo?”

“Yeah, it was orange,” Kentarou shrugs. “Tora works too.”

Yahaba laughs, though it’s only once and more like a huff of annoyance. “Momo is fine… thank you.”

“Is that all?” Kentarou asks as Yahaba turns to leave. He stops, gives Kentarou a look that suggests he would rather not continue this conversation.

“Yes,” Yahaba’s voice is firm and concise, and it makes Kentarou flinch. “Just because you went to the practice match against Karasuno and Oikawa saw you doesn’t mean I’m going to try again. You’re not interested in coming back and I’m not interested in wasting my time.”

Kentarou bristles. “I’m a waste of time?”

Yahaba shrugs, his face twisting into a haughty expression with puckered lips that screams to Kentarou ‘oh, I’m so much better than you’ and it just makes him angrier. How were they soulmates?!

“Fuck you,” he spits, face growing warm and Yahaba narrows his eyes again.

“Glad we’re on the same page,” is all he gets in response before Yahaba turns again and storms away.

Kentarou feels his hands twitch and just knows that if something were in his hands, he would have thrown it at Yahaba’s retreating form.

———

“Maybe you should try actually talking to him,” Watari shrugs, flipping the pages of his textbook to find the math work he needed help with. “Instead of, you know, being a dick to him.”

Shigeru rolls his eyes, glaring at the wall of his bedroom. “I’m not the dick though, he is!”

Watari’s eyebrows raise at that, and Shigeru does his best to ignore it. “Honestly, Yahaba, you’re kind of a dick to him. He hasn’t done anything, so why are you so—”

“Because he’s a dick!” Shigeru shouts, and Momo scurries out from under the table to hide under Shigeru’s bed. He watches the little fluff ball with sadness, feeling bad for shouting; clearly, his new kitten didn’t like yelling.

Watari sighs, leaning back on his hands. “The only reason you have a problem with him is because he was rude to the third years last year.”

Shigeru holds his hands out, as if to say ‘and?’ but Watari’s face remains unamused. Shigeru pouts, sprawling forward onto the table. Face smushed between the pages of the assigned reading for classical lit, Shigeru mumbles, “what am I even supposed to say to him?”

Watari makes a noise as if he’s thinking, and Shigeru feels the table thump when Watari leans forward onto the table as well. “For starters, you can try asking what he wants to do about the whole TiMER thing.”

Shigeru turns to glare at his friend. Watari’s TiMER has been counting down since he got it a year ago, and Shigeru envies how much time he has to prepare for the inevitable. When his TiMER had read out to him that he only had four days until the Big Moment, Shigeru had felt a huge weight on his shoulders.

He’s felt a huge weight sitting there every time he looks at the zeroes, or at Kyoutani.

“I think Kyoutani has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me,” Shigeru responds, pulling away from the book before the pages stick to his skin. He drops his head back down onto his arms and sighs, closing his eyes. “He ran away after he realized his TiMER was beeping, and every time we see each other he’s glaring at me.”

Watari hums, the sounds of papers shuffling telling Shigeru that he’s moving something. “Well, yeah, but he glares at everything. Also, I think you can blame yourself for that too, since you kind of instigate him.”

Shigeru frowns, “what?”

“The library…”

“Oh,” Shigeru groans, burying his face into his folded arms.

Watari is silent then, pages flipping from his side of the table. Shigeru takes a deep breath, trying to think of what to say next when Momo paws his way into Shigeru’s lap. He slides his arms to the edge of the table, smiling down at the orange kitten. Momo’s face snaps to look up at Shigeru, his big eyes shining when he gives a soft meow. Shigeru feels his face crack into a silly smile, thinking about how adorable the kitten is.

“Wait, Kyoutani saved Momo from a tree?” Watari asks, and Shigeru sits upright to give his friend a confused look. Watari doesn’t look up from what he’s reading. “And he named him? I can’t believe you let Kyoutani name your cat Momo…”

Shigeru stares, realizes that the book in Watari’s hand is his journal. “What are you doing?!” Momo’s claws dig into his leg, but Shigeru pays no mind as he surges forward to take the book from Watari. Watari grins sheepishly back, and Shigeru glares. “Why would you read my journal?”

“You left it open,” Watari shrugs, frowning. “I got curious, I’m sorry…”

Shigeru sighs, glancing down at the journal. “It’s okay…”

_April 17, 2017_

_Waited for Kyoutani after school today. We didn’t have practice, so it wasn’t too late. I asked him what I should name the cat since he was playing with it when he got it out of the tree, and he offered up Momo or Tora. I liked Momo more, but it’s so cliche it kills me._

_He seemed to be expecting something else from me though, but I didn’t really have anything else to say. I honestly don’t know why I bothered since all he said was fuck you._

_Watari’s coming over later to study. Mom said she’d bring us some cookies while we’re studying if I wanted._

_Hopefully, Watari doesn’t mind cats. Momo’s pretty friendly anyway._

“If you hate him so much, why did you let him name your cat?” Watari asks, and Shigeru returns his gaze to his friend. “I mean, you didn’t even have to take the cat either. So what’s going on here?”

He stares Watari, unsure of what he’s trying to get at. Momo’s digging his claws into his shirt now, so Shigeru glances down to grab hold of him and place him up on the table. “I don’t know, I guess I just felt bad for Momo and Kyoutani just happened to be the only other person that knew about him…”

Watari clicks his tongue, and Shigeru keeps his eyes on Momo. “Yahaba, what do you want to get out of this whole TiMER soulmate business with Kyoutani?”

Shigeru takes in a deep breath, batting his hands around for Momo to chase after on the table. He deliberately avoids Watari’s gaze. “I don’t know, nothing… nothing like romance, that’s for sure.”

“But you’ll adopt a kitten he saves from a tree and then let him name it,” Watari reaches forward, Momo flipping around onto his back to start swatting at his fingers and scrambling to continue doing the same to Shigeru’s. “I’m not saying that’s romantic, but that’s kind of like… co-ownership, right?”

“I don’t know,” Shigeru whispers, pulling his hand away before Momo can swat it. Momo rolls back onto his feet to jump at Watari’s hand.

“You don’t know a lot here,” Watari chuckles, and Shigeru reaches over the table to smack his head. Momo jumps to try to get at Shigeru’s fingers, but lands on the edge of the table. Watari laughs more when Momo nearly falls off, but he catches him and places Momo back in the center. “Well, you have the cat in common. You could start there, I guess.”

Shigeru hums, pulling his hands away to watch Watari play with Momo alone. “Yeah, but then what?”

Watari shrugs. “I think you just need to figure out what you want to do from there, and include Kyoutani in that discussion, because you both are involved here according to your TiMERs.” Shigeru nods, shivering at the thought of having to be near Kyoutani. “And plus, you write about him basically everyday, even when you don’t see him, just to report you didn’t see him.”

Shigeru slams his head into the table, face warm from embarrassment. From the pattering of Momo’s paws, his new kitten has scurried off again. Watari had to be wrong about his journal entries though… right?

Watari doesn’t say anything for a while, letting Shigeru wallow in self pity before he clears his throat. “So anyway, about the cookies you wrote about…”

Shigeru finally looks up at Watari, hoping his face looks as irritated as he felt. 

———

The path through the park had seemed like a good idea for a run, but Kentarou couldn’t shake the feeling that he should leave soon. However, since the sun was shining and there weren’t a lot of people around, he didn’t see any reason for that feeling to be rising in his gut and decided to ignore it.

He regrets that decision when Yahaba comes around the bend and they smack into each other. Kentarou knows he can’t stop the momentum of falling and instead grabs hold of Yahaba, turning his body in the fall to take more of the hit from the ground and, hopefully, landing in grass instead of on concrete.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you!” Yahaba is saying, and Kentarou barely recognises the apology as he tries to suck in air again. The impact was, unfortunately, worse than he anticipated. “You were just moving so fast so I tried to cut you off - I just, I’m sorry!”

Kentarou winces when Yahaba helps pull him to a sitting position, but from the feel of his body, nothing is broken. At least, he hopes nothing is broken. Concrete hurts, and he wishes he had landed in the grass.

“I’m really sorry,” Yahaba mumbles, and Kentarou finally turns to look at him. Yahaba’s not looking him in the eye, and everything about this encounter feels wrong. So Kentarou narrows his eyes and just stares. Yahaba bites at his lip, cheeks turning pink before he finally turns his own eyes up to look at him. “Are you okay?”

“What is going on?” Kentarou asks instead, shaking his head. “You’re not usually so… _nice_. It’s gross, stop it.”

Yahaba’s apologetic expression drops immediately in exchange for his usual haughty glare. “I’m sorry for trying to be nice, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t break anything when you body slammed into me.”

Kentarou scowls, “you’re the one following me. And what for? What do you want?”

Yahaba’s face goes blank then, and his face turns pink once more. “Uh…”

“Don’t tell me this is about volleyball.”

“No!” Yahaba bites his lip, looks away to the trees around them. “I just… wanted to talk…?”

That sounded too much like a question to be sincere. “Bullshit.”

Yahaba shakes his head, eyes back on Kentarou’s face. “No, really! I think we should talk.”

Kentarou doesn’t want to talk to Yahaba. It has been nearly two weeks since Yahaba randomly asked him to name a kitten and despite how horrible he was when he walked away, Kentarou’s brain liked to pull up the image of Yahaba’s small smile or puckered lips at the most random of times. He can only imagine what else his mind will make him think about now that Yahaba has been chewing on his lip.

He gets it, Yahaba is cute, but he really didn’t want to look at Yahaba that way. Not when the guy gave him snooty looks when they talked, or glared and yelled whenever Kentarou was near him.

So he pushes himself up to his feet and turns to walk away. Yahaba stands as well, running forward to grab hold of his arm. “No, please, I think we should talk!”

Kentarou stops, looking down at Yahaba’s hand on his arm and wonders how someone as stuck up as Yahaba would be cool with touching Kentarou’s gross sweaty arm. Then he reminds himself that Yahaba was also an athlete and was probably used to sweaty people.

“What for?”

Yahaba drops his hand, eyes scanning the trees and path. “Uh… because we’re kind of soulmates?”

Kentarou could feel his stomach whirl into a scattered frenzied mess and his face heats in response to the word ‘soulmate’ coming out of Yahaba’s mouth, no matter how sarcastic it sounded. “No.”

“Kyoutani—”

“Nope.” He turns on his heel, but Yahaba grabs him again. “Nuh-uh.”

“We need to talk about this!” Yahaba shouts, and Kyoutani moves to pull his arm from Yahaba’s hold. “Look, we tried avoiding it, but it didn’t work! We’re in the same year at the same school and we’re both - _technically_ \- in the same club! Please, you have to level with me here.”

Kentarou rounds on him, and Yahaba stumbles back in surprise. “Why? Why should we have to do anything about the stupid TiMER?”

“Because I know you can’t stop thinking about it,” Yahaba is quick to respond, and Kentarou is so thrown off he pauses. “And I know that you can’t because I can’t either.”

Kentarou shakes his head. “You’re wrong,” he can feel his fingers shaking, but he clenches them into a fist. “I don’t think about you. Or the TiMER.”

Yahaba shifts his weight between his feet, his hands moving as though he’s going to say something, but he drops them back to his sides. “Even if I barely know you, if we’re soulmates then I… I understand you pretty well.”

Kentarou squeezes his eyes shut. “No you don’t.”

“I can try…?”

He looks at Yahaba again, sees that his cheeks are tinged pink and knows his probably look the same. “What’s there to try?”

Yahaba shrugs, but his face contorts to one of concern. “Oh shit, your head…”

Kentarou doesn’t know what he means, wonders if Yahaba is trying to distract him when he moves closer, reaching up to touch his temple.

Yahaba’s fingers pull away with a little bit of red liquid, and Kentarou knows that means his head is bleeding. “I’m so sorry, I—”

“Stop apologising,” Kentarou grumbles, and Yahaba’s eyes lock with his. He breathes in, trying to keep his heart calm.

“I… okay,” Yahaba murmurs, gaze flickering to the cut before returning to Kentarou’s eyes. “It’s not so bad, just a scrape really…”

Kentarou gulps at how close Yahaba is, only now noticing that Yahaba is sweating a bit too - probably from chasing him before. He can even smell it from how close Yahaba has gotten, and Kentarou wonders if he smells the same way.

Probably not, because Yahaba smells amazing.

His eyes slowly drift down to Yahaba’s mouth when Yahaba gasps and takes a step - a very _large_ step - back.

Kentarou’s head starts to clear and he stares at Yahaba in shock. Yahaba seems to be just as surprised, avoiding Kentarou’s eyes and glancing to the little bit of blood on his fingers. “You um,” he coughs, wiping the blood on his shirt. Pretty unsanitary for someone like Yahaba. “You should go home… clean up that cut, or… whatever.”

Yahaba turns on his heels and runs down the path from where he came. Kentarou watches, and fights the urge to go after him - pushes down the desire to go back to that moment and do something else before Yahaba pulled away.


	5. Chapter Four

Kentarou couldn’t sleep that night. It was like as if Yahaba had eaten away at his brain after their encounter, and he finds himself having to use the bathroom to deal with his body’s reaction to remembering Yahaba biting his lip. Yahaba has nice lips, sure, but that doesn’t mean he has to get aroused everything time he thinks about them!

He groans in anguish, flushing the toilet to remove his shame. Kentarou glares down at the front of his pants, silently telling his dick to calm the fuck down. He wants to get at least some sleep this night, and the sudden hardness shooting to his junk was not helping.

Leaving the bathroom, he clicks off the light and glances to the living room. The television is silent, but the flickering white-blue light tells him it’s still on. His father’s snoring is clear as day and resonating throughout the hallway. Kentarou rolls his eyes, sighing to himself before he turns and heads back to his bedroom and quietly shutting the door.

Flopping down onto the bed, he shoves his head into his pillow, trying to suffocate the thought of Yahaba from his brain. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work, and Kentarou lightly screams in annoyance into the pillow.

He turns his head to the side, looking at the light of his clock to read the time. It’s edging closer and closer to two in the morning, and Kentarou sighs again. At this point, he would never get to sleep unless Yahaba got out of his head.

Kentarou stares out into the darkness of his room, rolling to lay on his side. He tries closing his eyes, but then he hears a memory of Yahaba’s voice, his distant laughter when he’s talking to someone else. Kentarou scowls, wincing to himself and smacking his head.

“ _Stop_ ,” he moans, scrubbing at his eyes before he rolls to his back, spreading his arms across his bed. “I just want to sleep…”

He stares up at his ceiling, the little bit of street light shining up from the bit of the blinds that are broken towards the top flashing across his ceiling fan as it rotates slowly. He watches it for a bit, trying to focus on that rather than the images of Yahaba his brain can conjure up.

Maybe if he let himself give in, he could fall asleep sooner than later. Huffing out a breath of air, Kentarou closes his eyes, and let the image of Yahaba flood his mind.

Soon enough, Kentarou fell asleep to thoughts of Yahaba and his desire to go near the other boy grew overnight. He grinds his teeth in the morning after dealing with his body’s reaction to the particularly sexual dreams he had, wishing these feelings would go away. Instead, they just continue to grow and Kentarou glares at his reflection.

Determined to avoid the feelings altogether, Kentarou heads off to school after checking on his still passed out father. He wonders if the glass of water he left on the table by his sleeping form would still be full when he got back from school. Shaking his head, he kicks the ground and stomps his way to school.

He spots Watari first, waiting at the front gates in his practice uniform before he sees Yahaba. Watari lights up at seeing him and begins to wave, and Kentarou feels a twisting pain in his gut when Yahaba begins to turn towards him. He scowls, dragging his feet when Yahaba’s eyes hold his gaze.

“Good morning, Kyoutani,” Watari says, smiling despite Kentarou’s frown. “Wanna come to practice with us?”

Kentarou’s frown deepens. “No,” he flicks his glare between Watari and Yahaba, choosing to look at Watari when his stomach does flips being so close to Yahaba. He fights back the urge to blush, knows exactly who was in his mind when he jerked off that morning and he hopes the shame doesn’t present itself to him now - especially with Watari there.

Watari’s smile falls a little. “Oh, alright then,” he turns to Yahaba and shrugs. “Well, I tried.”

“Yeah, you were a big help,” Yahaba intones, and Kentarou can hear the roll of his eyes in his voice. “And that’s not why we were waiting for him.”

Kentarou’s eyes snap to Yahaba then, feeling extremely confused at his words. “What?”

Watari chuckles, gesturing to Kentarou while grinning at Yahaba. “Then ask him.”

“Ask me what?” Kentarou growls through his teeth, not into the way they beat around the bush with him.

Yahaba groans, and Kentarou fights the urge to flinch at the sound. “Do you want to join us at lunch?”

Kentarou stares at him, can feel the burn at his neck. “No—”

“Before you say no,” Watari cuts in, making Kentarou look his way, “I think you can benefit from having lunch with us in a lot of ways.”

He doesn’t agree. “How?”

“Yahaba and you are soulmates,” Watari continues, and when he sees the look on Kentarou’s face at the word soulmate (Kentarou’s not sure what expression he’s pulling though) he hurries on, “ _and_ even though you refuse to come back to volleyball, I know you still love the sport. I’ve heard around about you practicing on your own, and if you ever choose to come back, you should at least have one of the regulars on your side.” Watari shrugs, raising his brows. “Plus, Yahaba is pretty much going to be the setter next year after Oikawa leaves - you’ll need to be able to work with him if you come back.”

Kentarou grinds his teeth. True, he did consider it every once and awhile, but that only happened when it felt like he wasn’t moving so much, or when serving the ball can only feel so good. With a team, he would improve and have a ball that is set to him for proper spiking. But that same team included upperclassmen who thought they could control him, tell him what to do, and fellow second years who hated him, and first years who thought he was scary.

They also had Yahaba. And at this point, that was both a good and bad thing.

He takes a deep breath and thinks about it all. Watari didn’t seem to hate him, and Yahaba apparently does want to figure out this soulmate business. After yesterday’s encounter and the dreams he had last night, Kentarou is pretty sure he wants to figure it out too.

“Fine,” Kentarou grinds out, and he ignore the fluttering in his gut when Yahaba looks pleasantly surprised. He focuses on Watari again, shrugging. “If you really think this will make it easier if I come back one day…”

Watari lights up, nodding quickly. “I really think it will! I’m sure we can all be friends if we try, Kyoutani.”

Kentarou doesn’t mind Watari - he’s a bit too chipper sometimes, but he means well and he certainly works hard to do what he can for the team. If they were actually friends, Kentarou would welcome Watari’s presence.

But he’s also suggesting Kentarou and Yahaba become friends, and he’s not sure about that. Not because he can’t stand Yahaba, since after yesterday’s encounter Kentarou is sure they could probably get along, but rather because he’s not sure if wants to just be friends with Yahaba. He’s sure he doesn’t want a romantic relationship either, but he sure as hell can’t be friends with Yahaba after the things he thought about last night. And that morning. And what he dreamt of.

Kentarou shrugs, nodding a bit before he moves to walk past them. “See you at lunch,” he mumbles, glancing back to see Watari wave him off. Yahaba is looking to his feet, scuffing his foot against the sidewalk and Kentarou sucks in a deep breath before hurrying into the main building.

———

“I swear Watari, if you ditch us—”

“I won’t, I won’t!” Watari holds his hands up in defense, laughing to himself. Shigeru narrows his eyes on him, and Watari laughs a little more. “Well, maybe I will if I think you two need some alone time.”

Shigeru smacks him, nearly knocking him back. “I mean it, do _not_ leave me alone with him!”

Watari reaches into his locker for his school uniform button down, and he rolls his eyes. “Yahaba, I think if you had almost kissed him—”

He shoves him again, shushing him before he can continue on. “I told you not to tell anyone!”

The look Shigeru gets at that is comical, and Watari heaves a sigh. “No one is listening to us, calm down…”

Shigeru groans, dropping his face into his hands. “Watari, I’m serious. Please don’t leave me alone with Kyoutani!”

Yesterday had been a disaster. Shigeru had no intentions of talking to Kyoutani, regardless of Watari’s suggestions to figure out what this soulmate crap was about, but somehow had ended up seeing him in the park while trying to find a pet store. His father had told him if Shigeru was going to keep Momo, he’d have to take care of him too, and that meant Shigeru would have to spend his allowance on cat food and litter. He thought he’d seen Kyoutani in the park, but tried to ignore it, and in the end had ended up running to catch up with him only to smack directly into him.

He still doesn’t know why he really did it. He gave the lame excuse over soulmate stuff but something tells Shigeru that’s not why he chased after Kyoutani. He’d been so embarrassed by it that he ended up giving up on finding the pet store, ran home, called Watari and complained about how stupid he was.

After spilling his guts to Watari, Shigeru didn’t even get up the nerve to write an entry in his journal, fearing he’d condemn himself to some horrible future if he ever wrote down his interaction with Kyoutani. How the sweat dripping from his jaw had been attractive and the scent rolling off of him had made Shigeru step closer unconsciously, or about how, even with the blood beginning to pool in his cut hadn’t deterred Shigeru from wanting Kyoutani to do something about the way he was looking at Shigeru’s lips.

Shigeru smacks his cheeks, making Watari jump. His face was unbearably warm and he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming in frustration. He felt lucky to have Momo staring up at him all night, his wide innocent eyes keeping Shigeru from even so much as thinking about Kyoutani in some dirty way. It’s not like he wants to think about Kyoutani that way anyway - it’s bad enough he ran after the guy, he doesn’t need to add masterbation to his list of weird things his soulmate makes him do.

Watari gives him a pitying look. “Yahaba, maybe it’s good if you two just… talked. Not argue, not… stand awkwardly close to one another. Talk like normal people for once.”

Shigeru throws his head back and moans in annoyance, rolling his head to the side to give Watari his best puppy dog eyes. “Please don’t leave me alone with him.”

“I…” Watari glances about the room, considering his options. “I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you,” Shigeru mumbles, tossing his head back again to sigh in relief. “I don’t know what I’d do if you left me alone with Kyoutani…”

Watari’s expression shifts to one of discomfort. “Oh God, whatever it is, don’t let it happen in front of me.”

He laughs in response, smiling down to his friend. “I doubt we’d do anything weird in front of you.” Watari laughs with him and they finish changing for class. Shigeru glances to the doorway, seeing the odd looks Hanamaki and Matsukawa are giving them. He grins at them before turning back to buttoning his shirt.

Shigeru moves through his morning classes with ease, not at all worried about the prospect of having to be close to Kyoutani if Watari will be there. There was something about Kyoutani that just seemed to make Shigeru draw closer, and at first he thought he was just so annoyed by him, but now…

Shigeru isn’t sure what he feels about Kyoutani. Is this attraction? Kyoutani has some good points, but his scowl is awful and his hair is ridiculous, so Shigeru scrunches his nose at that. Did he somehow develop a crush on Kyoutani after the TiMER went off? He doesn’t think he has, considering the fact that he’s been presented with no reason to have developed a crush.

Well, aside from his apparent love of animals. Shigeru himself had never had much of a liking for animals - he thought they were cute, but he had never considered having a dog or a cat - but after seeing Kyoutani with Momo… Shigeru thinks he might be a cat person now. Which is hilarious considering Kyoutani’s nickname was Mad Dog.

In his last lesson before lunch, Shigeru drowns out the teacher by wondering about that. Does Kyoutani have a dog? And if he does, is he a doting dog owner? Maybe he owns a cat and that’s why he scowls when Oikawa calls him Mad Dog. Or maybe he just draws animals to himself and he can’t seem to shake them. Shigeru bites his lip to keep from snickering at the idea of Kyoutani being surrounded by animals like some Disney princess.

He checks his phone when the lesson ends to see where he and Watari would be meeting for lunch. Watari had promised to swing by Kyoutani’s classroom to grab him for lunch since they never told Kyoutani where to go, and from the text Shigeru had received in the middle of class, Watari plans to hang out by the gym for lunch. Shigeru raises his brow at that, but grabs his bento and makes his way there.

When he arrives, Watari is chatting away at Kyoutani, who has his hands stuffed into his pockets. Shigeru slows down, watching the two of them interact. Neither have noticed him, and he wonders if they’re waiting for Shigeru specifically. Before he can reach them, Hanamaki’s head pokes out of the gym doors and he calls over to Watari, asking him to help with something.

Shigeru feels a panic bubble in his stomach. Hanamaki doesn’t notice him, and Watari says something to Kyoutani before he hurries over to the gym. He considers hiding and waiting for Watari to come back, but Kyoutani’s glancing around outside when their eyes lock.

It’d be rude to run now. Taking a deep breath, Shigeru stiffly walks over and stands before him. “Hey, where’d Watari go?”

Kyoutani shrugs, gesturing to the gym. “Hanamaki…”

He clicks his tongue, figuring that’s all the answer he’d get. “Should we wait for him or…?”

Kyoutani shrugs again, and Shigeru bites his lip to keep from snapping at him. “Told me to wait here.”

Shigeru nods, turning his eyes away from Kyoutani in annoyance. “Great - I told him not to ditch us…”

“He said he’d be back,” Kyoutani grumbles, and Shigeru snaps his gaze back.

“If Hanamaki-senpai asked him to help out with something in the gym - _during lunch_ , might I add - then clearly this was planned.”

Kyoutani’s eyebrows knit together. “You mean like… they’re setting us up?”

Shigeru rolls his eyes, shifting his weight between his feet. “Oh yeah, big time.”

There’s a moment of silence before Kyoutani opens his mouth. It makes an odd popping sound, and Shigeru fights against the twitch of a smile when he looks at him. “Then let’s leave.”

“What?”

“Watari is playing us, and I guess Hanamaki is helping, so let’s leave,” Kyoutani shrugs. “Doesn’t have to be together, but if they’re hoping for something to happen, then they might be watching us. We can take that away from them by leaving.”

Shigeru stares at him, impressed with that logic. “Where should we go?”

Kyoutani shrugs again, but Shigeru doesn’t mind it much now. “Whereever, I guess.”

Shigeru hums in thought, looking to the sky. “The library?”

“You can eat in there?”

“Sure, why not,” Shigeru shrugs back, worried that he’s picked up that bad habit. “Let’s go before they realize we’re on to them.”

Kyoutani nods and they hurry away, and Shigeru laughs when he hears a disappointed yell that sounds like Matsukawa behind them. Kyoutani glances at him, but they remain silent otherwise as they hurry to the school library.

The librarian doesn’t notice the two of them, and Shigeru grab’s Kyoutani to pull him towards the back between some shelves. When he seats himself against the wall, he looks up to see Kyoutani giving him a suspicious expression. “What?” He whispers, beginning to open his bento.

“Why on the floor?” Kyoutani murmurs, moving to sit beside Shigeru when he pats the space next to him.

Shigeru winces, “I might have lied; you absolutely cannot eat in the library. But she doesn’t come back here, so if we’re quiet, we can eat lunch in peace.”

Kyoutani’s face twists to one of amusement. “You break the library rules?”

“It’s not like I’m a messy eater,” Shigeru side eyes him, “are you?”

“Don’t have a lunch.”

Shigeru sits a little straighter when he notices. “Why don’t you have a lunch?”

“Forgot to pack one,” Kyoutani mumbles.

Shigeru scrunches his eyebrows together at that. “Your mom didn’t offer?”

“My mom’s dead,” and Shigeru feels his heart drop. Kyoutani winces and smacks his forehead. “I mean - yeah, she’s dead… but I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“Oh…” Shigeru turns his gaze to the floor in front of them, and wonders what to say. “I’m—”

“Don’t apologise,” Kyoutani grumbles, and Shigeru turns back to him. “You’re not the one who killed her.”

Shigeru wants to ask more, but he chooses to drop it. “Do you want some of my lunch?”

Kyoutani’s eyes flick to the box of food before looking back up at Shigeru. “You sure?”

“My mom packs more than enough for me,” he holds it up for Kyoutani to grab something. “I only have one set of chopsticks though.”

He’s looking at the lunch, as though he’s considering it but wanting to say no. Shigeru waits, sees that Kyoutani has spotted something and is struggling with accepting it. He huffs an annoyed breath and grabs his chopsticks, picking up the sausage Kyoutani is eyeing and shoving it into his mouth.

Kyoutani gapes at him, the sausage resting on his tongue. Shigeru gestures with his head to Kyoutani’s mouth, “are you going to chew it?”

He snaps his mouth shut and starts chewing, still staring at Shigeru with wide eyes. Shigeru takes back his bento and goes for something else to eat, but the second his mouth closes around his chopsticks, he realizes what he’s just done.

Not only did he feed Kyoutani, he’s eating off of the same chopsticks that were in his mouth. Shigeru’s face burns and he slowly pulls the chopsticks out, staring down at his lunch mortified.

As he chews on his food, he silently curses Watari and Hanamaki - and maybe even Matsukawa, sure that he is involved somehow - for letting him be alone with Kyoutani.

He puts down the lunch, suddenly having lost his appetite. “Sorry, I didn’t—” Shigeru cuts himself off when he turns back to Kyoutani, surprised at how close they were.

Kyoutani seems just as surprised, and he glances to Shigeru’s lips once again. Shigeru gulps, quietly gasping at the look in Kyoutani’s eyes.

He closes them when he feels Kyoutani get closer and hopes that the librarian will keep to her routine of never coming back there. The feel of Kyoutani’s lips touching his a moment later is so soft, it almost feels as if a secret was whispered to him.

Shigeru shifts towards Kyoutani’s warmth, pressing his lips closer to his and he feels his heart pound when Kyoutani turns his head for better access. Shigeru’s about to open his mouth to the wet feel of Kyoutani’s tongue when he remembers where they are, and why this is a bad idea.

Except that he doesn’t remember exactly why letting Kyoutani kiss him is bad. Just that it is and Shigeru pulls away, staring at Kyoutani. The expression on Kyoutani’s face betrayed no emotions and Shigeru takes a deep breath before gathering his bento, pulling himself to a stand so that he can leave.

He can see it already, the day’s journal entry.

_May 2nd, 2017_

_Fuck._


	6. Chapter Five

Over the following two weeks, Shigeru met up with Watari in his classroom for lunch, and sometimes Kyoutani would also be there. On the days Kyoutani did show up, Watari led the conversation, and on the days Kyoutani didn’t, Shigeru would spend the entire lunch period complaining about Kyoutani and demanding why Watari had ditched them that one time.

Watari had explained himself the afternoon of Shigeru’s lunch date in the library (only it wasn’t a lunch date, why would he think that?) during practice, saying that Hanamaki and Matsukawa had ambushed him. Shigeru wasn’t totally convinced, but Watari had been so sincere it was hard to not forgive him. However he remained firm in being upset with Watari until he’d learned that Kyoutani had told Watari it was no big deal after Watari had apologised to him as well.

“I’m telling you, Yahaba, they must have overheard us!” Watari had begged, and Shigeru pouted at him.

“But you still let them trick you into leaving me alone with Kyoutani!”

Watari had shaken his head, frowning to himself when Shigeru didn’t answer more. “Kyoutani forgave me, you know.”

Shigeru had bitten his lip and sighed after a moment of thought. “Okay fine, I forgive you, too.”

And that was that. Their lunch periods were spent in Watari’s classroom and Kyoutani showed up if he felt like it. Shigeru would spend the time waiting for him to show up angrily biting into his food and watching the door, and Watari would quietly listen to his minor complaints about Kyoutani.

“Yahaba, why are you so worried about whether or not he eats?” Watari had interrupted him the day before, and Shigeru gave him a confused look. “You were just complaining that Kyoutani doesn’t eat enough because he doesn’t have his own lunch. Why don’t you share with him when he does come if you’re that worried?”

Shigeru had felt his face heat and he shook his head. “Wait - what, no! I’m not worried! It’s just - what high school student can’t make his own lunch?”

Watari shrugged in response and returned to his lunch, shaking his head a little. “Whatever you say, man…”

He’d contemplated it last night, and his journal entries continued to begin and end with the word _Fuck_ the more he thought about it. There wasn’t any reason for Shigeru to be this concerned with Kyoutani, and he found himself looking back over the past three months of journal entries to see what he’d been writing. Perhaps he’d written something that was particularly annoying about Kyoutani and he’d be reminded why he didn’t need to expend energy thinking about his soulmate.

In the end, Shigeru had come to find out that while he wrote about Kyoutani everyday (even the days that only said “fuck” or “why” were enough to tell Shigeru he’d meant it in response to Kyoutani) and he threw his book across the room. Momo had hid under his blankets at that, and Shigeru went to the kitten to check on him, worried he’d scared him worse than usual.

Sighing, Shigeru grabs his uniform jacket and swings it over his shoulders, a brief thought of whether Kyoutani would come to lunch today crossing his mind. He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the thought.

“Oh hey, I can’t come by your place today for studying,” Watari says from beside him, and Shigeru turns to him. “My mom wanted to do something for my brother’s birthday and I’m supposed to be home after practice ends.”

Shigeru nods, giving Watari a smile. “Sure thing, tell him happy birthday from me.”

Watari smiles back and throws his own jacket on. “No problem, I can do that.”

Shigeru waves to him and heads out of the clubroom to head to class. In the distance he sees the entrance of the school and a few students without morning club activities are meandering about outside. One of them is Kyoutani, and he weaves his way across the school yard to enter the main building. Shigeru scowls, glaring at him - his tie wasn’t even done and his shirt was untucked. If Shigeru actually cared, he’d probably ambush Kyoutani on his way to class and at least fix his tie.

But that thought sends a shiver down his spine and Shigeru shakes his head frantically, forcing himself to get to class and making sure to avoid any halls Kyoutani might be in.

———

Kentarou’s stomach feels far too empty for him to be really comfortable and he contemplates skipping his last class before lunch to go buy something from the nearby gas station. When he reaches for where his wallet usually is, he realizes he doesn’t have it and sighs to himself.

Maybe Yahaba will share with him if he shows up today.

Kentarou’s neck feels warm at that thought, and he reaches up to touch his lips. It may have been two weeks, but he hasn’t forgotten the feeling of Yahaba’s lips on his own. He hasn’t been able to let himself forget the image of Yahaba’s flushed cheeks and how surprised he’d seemed at having kissed him.

He’d been meaning to talk to Yahaba about it, but the problem was finding Yahaba when he’s alone. Kentarou doesn’t think he wants anything out of this, but kissing Yahaba had felt far too amazing to just let it go without trying. As annoying and rude as Yahaba is, Kentarou still finds him attractive, and it’s his face he pictures when the pressure in his pants gets to be too much and he has to find release.

His face is burning now, and he peeks over to the girl next to him in class. She’s not paying him any attention and he releases the breath he didn’t he realize he’d been holding. Kentarou squeezes his eyes shut and mentally smacks himself, trying to remind his brain to hold off on that train of thought before he does something embarrassing in class. Like pop a boner at the thought of Yahaba and his sweet, pink lips.

The lesson ends and Kentarou bolts from his desk to use the bathroom, hoping to splash water on his face to calm down. One more lesson and he can go to lunch, and maybe Yahaba will share with him.

Except Yahaba hasn’t offered again the few times he shows up to Watari’s classroom. What’s the etiquette of asking someone to share their lunch?

Hell, if Yahaba will be a dick about it, maybe Watari will share. Yet, Kentarou knows he doesn’t want to eat Watari’s lunch, he wants to share with Yahaba.

He busts into the restroom, scaring some first year when he jams the sink on and shoves his head under the faucet.

“A-are you okay, senpai…?” The first year tries to say, and Kentarou doesn’t respond.

The cold water helps the heat subside on his neck, but that doesn’t change the fact that he thought about doing something stupid like share a lunch with Yahaba and Yahaba alone.

The first year takes the hint and leaves, and Kentarou finally reaches up to turn the water off. Keeping his head down so that the water doesn’t roll onto his jacket, Kentarou reaches over to try to find the paper towels, pulling the rough paper out to dry himself off as best as he can.

His hair is still slightly damp, but his skin at least isn’t dripping water down the back of his shirt. Staring into the mirror, Kentarou checks over himself to make sure he’s not still blushing. Seeing nothing, he hurries out of the restroom and back to his class.

The lesson drones on, Kentarou finishing the math problems quickly without issue, yet his fellow classmates seem to be confused by the problems at hand. He holds back a sigh, doodling pictures in the margins of his notebook.

When the lesson finally ends, he stows his notebook away and stands to leave the room to make his way to Watari’s classroom. Other students block the hall, making him have to squeeze his way through, and he passes by a group of girls with Oikawa’s photo. He scowls at the sight and rolls his eyes before continuing on.

Watari sits alone in the classroom, with only one or two other students near him, though they look like they’re preparing to leave. He glances up and sees Kentarou at the door, smiling over at him.

“So you decided to join us today, huh?”

Kentarou shrugs, stepping into the room and grabbing the closest chair to sit across from him. “Nothing better to do…”

Watari laughs, taking out his lunch. “Yahaba said he had to take something to Oikawa-senpai, but he’ll be here soon.”

Kentarou nods, leaning back in the seat and looking to the window. “Whatever.”

“So he’s not why you’re here?” Kentarou snaps his gaze back to Watari, hoping he looks more confused than angry. “He is your one, so I guess if he’s not why you’re here, then I’m flattered you’ve accepted my friendship.” Watari’s smile grows to a thousand-watt grin, and Kentarou tries to soften his face.

“Yeah, you’re okay.”

“Just okay?” Watari looks skeptical before he chuckles. “Good enough, I’ll take it!”

Kentarou huffs, shaking his head and looking out the window. Watari is good company, and he’s partially glad he came when he did.

“Hey, are you any good at math?” Watari asks, pulling out his notebook. “Our teacher introduced this formula this morning and a lot of us are confused.”

Kentarou shifts forward, looking it over. “Yeah, my class is confused by it too.”

Watari seems to deflate. “That sucks…”

“You just have to take this number and multiply it by this one,” Kentarou continues, picking up the pencil to write what he means, “before adding it here. Then you—”

“Wait!” Watari shouts, leaning forward as well, “you get this?!”

Kentarou blinks up at him. “... yes?”

Watari’s face screams how excited he is in this moment. “No way! Yahaba and I both suck at math, yet here you are breezing through it!”

Kentarou shrugs. “It’s just numbers.”

Watari waves his hands, gesturing to Kentarou. “Yeah, but you get it! What else are you good at?”

He hesitates, worried what will happen if he answers. “I guess I’m good at English…?”

“Wait, really?” A new voice asks, and Kentarou feels his neck heat. He looks up to see Yahaba standing over him, his expression impressed. “English is weird…”

“My mom used to listen to American music all the time,” Kentarou mumbles, and he sees Yahaba’s eyes widen a fraction. He almost winces, remembering how he’d told Yahaba about his mom.

“Your mom sounds awesome!” Watari declares, his friendly face making Kentarou nervous. “Does she work or something? Is that why you don’t bring a lunch—”

“Watari—” Yahaba starts to say in warning, but Kentarou can feel the word vomit come up.

“My mom’s dead,” god _damnit_ , he did it again!

Watari’s smile drops. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Kentarou clenches his jaw, avoids Watari’s eyes and tries not to tell him it wasn’t his fault. This always happens when he tells someone - he says it so plainly and without a care, and then everyone acts awkward around him.

Yahaba grabs the seat at the desk next to them and turns it to sit on the edge of the desk. “Well it’s okay, because my mom makes plenty of food so you can share with me!” He puts the neatly made bento on the desk and Kentarou perks up at the mention of sharing.

So maybe mentioning his mother helped give him the desired results - sharing lunch with Yahaba.

He tries not to look pleased when Yahaba opens the box, and he pulls out an extra set of chopsticks. “Here, I told my mom I had a friend without a lunch. She offered to make you one of your own, but I told her I wasn’t sure if I’d see you.”

Kentarou takes the extra set and stares at Yahaba. “Thanks…”

Watari looks between them. “So is this how you two flirt?”

“Watari!” Yahaba snaps, face pink as he glares at him.

“What? You two did kiss, right?”

“I regret telling you _anything_ ,” Yahaba groans as his face blossoms to a darker shade, avoiding Kentarou’s eyes.

Kentarou can feel his own face heating up. “Doesn’t mean much - just a moment.”

Yahaba nods, shifting in his seat awkwardly. “Yeah, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Watari throws his hands up, “it’s cool it’s cool, you two don’t have to act on anything! I was just asking.”

Kentarou watches Yahaba, waiting for him to offer up his lunch. When he doesn’t, Kentarou moves forward, ready to eat something.

“Anyway, since Kyoutani is good at math _and_ English—”

“Didn’t say I was good at English,” he grunts, popping some of the food into his mouth.

“Why don’t you join us during our study nights?” Watari looks hopefully at him. “We both suck at math, and I can only explain to Yahaba so much about English…”

Yahaba rolls his eyes, beginning to eat his lunch. “I’m sorry, it’s just a weird language!”

Kentarou thinks for a moment, glancing over to Yahaba. “Okay, when?”

“Tuesdays and Thursdays usually, always after practice,” Watari answers quickly.

“You could join us at practice,” Yahaba says, and Kentarou glares at him. “Or not - but we’re not leaving until practice is over.”

Kentarou jostles his leg, thinking about it more. “I don’t know how much help I’ll be.”

“Are you kidding me? You were explaining this formula fine enough,” Watari gestures to his notebook. “Trust me, it’ll help both of us. And between Yahaba and me, I’m sure we can help you wherever you struggle!”

Sighing, Kentarou puts down the chopsticks, nodding once. “Okay fine.” Watari shouts a cheer, but Kentarou watches Yahaba out of the corner of his eye, seeing the smile on his lips. That alone makes him feel better about agreeing.

———

“You didn’t tell your mom about Kyoutani,” Watari starts, moving things in his locker after practice. “Because then she would have asked about him and you can’t lie to her, so you would have told her about the TiMER.”

He scowls at him. “Wow, you have me _all_ figured out, huh?”

Watari laughs, “you’re the one who hasn’t told his parents about the TiMER!”

Shigeru sighs, turning back to his own locker. That may be true, but he’s beginning to regret telling Watari these things. Something occurs to him then and he closes his locker, looking down to Watari. “Wait, did we tell Kyoutani we’re studying today?”

“Yeah…?” Watari looks confused. “Why?”

“It’s your brother’s birthday, doofus,” Shigeru chuckles, pushing at his arm. “You said you had to go home without me.”

Watari’s face falls, “oh shit, you’re right. I’m sorry, and could you pass the message along to Kyoutani for me?”

Shigeru huffs out a long sigh, “yeah, but you owe it to both us for ditching again.”

“Oh come on,” Watari whines, pouting at him, “both times were not my fault! I just forgot about my mom’s plans today!”

Shigeru shakes his head, hands on his hips. “You are too much, Watari.”

He finishes up and hurries to stuff his bag full, throwing it over his shoulder before hurrying to the exit. “But really, I’m sorry! We’ll all definitely study on Thursday!”

“Yeah yeah,” Shigeru drones, reaching down for his own bag. Iwaizumi and Oikawa enter after Watari leaves, looking over a document and murmuring to one another about the information. “See you tomorrow, senpai.” He says to them, heading to leave.

Oikawa looks up at him, face lighting up. “Sure thing, good practice today, Yahaba,” he replies, and Iwaizumi nods to him.

Shigery smiles back, saying his thanks just as he runs into Matsukawa. “Whoa, you in a hurry there, Birthday Twin?”

“Not really,” he answers, but Hanamaki chuckles behind Matsukawa.

“I bet he’s in a hurry to meet his new boyfriend,” Hanamaki waggles his eyebrows and Matsukawa snickers.

Shigeru flinches, Oikawa gasping behind them. “Boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Shigeru hisses up at Matsukawa and Hanamaki, but they both grin down at him.

“Oh? Then why is Kyoutani heading over here?” Matsukawa asks.

Oikawa gasps again, “no way! You and Mad Dog-chan are finally together?”

Iwaizumi groans, “leave him alone guys. If he says they’re not dating, then they’re not dating.”

Shigeru smiles back at him, mumbling a thanks when Matsukawa and Hanamaki begin to whine about Iwaizumi ruining their fun. He hurries around them, already hearing Oikawa join them in whining, only he seems to be whining because Shigeru isn’t dating Kyoutani.

He flushes at the thought, but immediately crushes anything further. Oikawa only wants them to date to prove the TiMER is right, and Shigeru isn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Besides, just because the TiMER says it doesn’t mean he has to date Kyoutani - even if he makes Shigeru blush like crazy at the mere thought of him.

Kyoutani walks up to him when he gets a little further from the club room. “Where’s Watari?”

“He bailed,” Shigeru clicks his tongue, shifting his bag a little.

“So now he’s really playing us?”

“No, this time was definitely an accident,” Shigeru says, glancing in Kyoutani’s direction for a moment before he starts to walk. “He forgot he needed to go home for his brother’s birthday. He said to tell you sorry and we’ll study Thursday.”

Kyoutani grunts, following after him. “So we’re not studying today?”

Shigeru stops, turning to him. “Do you want to?”

“Do you need help in math or not?” Kyoutani glares at him, but it doesn’t look as intense as it used to.

Shigeru considers it for a moment, before shrugging. “Yeah, okay, I need help…”

“Your place or mine?” Kyoutani asks, shifting around him to continue walking.

He remembers what Watari had said about his mother and the TiMER and grimaces to himself. “Uh… your’s. My mom isn’t expecting company today.” Kyoutani grunts and Shigeru follows after. “Will your dad mind?”

Kyoutani shakes his head. “House is a mess though,” he looks back to Shigeru.

“Well yeah, two men without a woman to keep them in check would be a little messy,” Shigeru chuckles, but it sounds awkward. Kyoutani never mentioned how long ago she had died, but he doesn’t seem bothered by Shigeru’s words.

He follows Kyoutani to his house, surprised to find it within walking distance like his own home. A little dog barks and bounces over to Kyoutani, and he pauses for a moment to pet it before continuing on. Shigeru almost asks about it, but chooses not to as he trails behind him.

Kyoutani takes out his keys when they come upon a small house, a nice size for a family of three, with overgrown bushes and grass that looks ready to be cut. He frowns at the sight and wonders if either Kyoutani or his father does the yard work, but remembers to mind his manners and simply follows to the door. Watari’s voice is chuckling in his head, telling him he’s doing great at playing nice.

He scowls to himself and fights the urge to roll his eyes at the imaginary version of his friend.

Kyoutani pushes his front door open and lets Shigeru in behind him, and Shigeru hesitates at the door. His stomach is rolling with nerves, and he tries not to think about why he might be nervous coming over to Kyoutani’s house.

With the door shut behind him, Shigeru follows Kyoutani’s example of removing his shoes before entering the house further. His voice is stuck in his throat as he looks around, noting what Kyoutani meant by a mess.

The kitchen is the first room he can see, and there are dishes piled in the sink. Nearby on the counter is a stack of mail, unopened and skewed like as if it’d been thrown there to be forgotten. Above all he notices the beer cans and a few glass bottles and bites his lip.

He hopes that they came from over a course of time and not in only a day’s worth of drinking with how many there are.

“Sorry,” Kyoutani mumbles, and Shigeru looks to him. His eyes are on the beer cans, and he looks a little ashamed. “Dad… it helps him cope.”

Shigeru’s chest aches at that. “Kyoutani, when did she…?” He’s not sure how to finish that sentence.

“Three years ago,” Kyoutani’s voice is soft, and there’s not a hint of a harsh tone. “Car accident.”

Shigeru bites his lip, “that’s terrible - I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kyoutani avoids his eyes, “we’re here to study, not talk about my mom.”

He wants to argue, has a feeling Kyoutani needs to talk about it, but he nods anyway. “Okay; do you want to go to your room or…?”

Kyoutani bobs his head once, “I don’t know where he is right now, but if he sees you he’ll start asking questions.”

Shigeru doesn’t have to ask what he means; if Shigeru doesn’t want to tell his parents about Kyoutani for fear of them learning his TiMER went off, then Kyoutani hasn’t told his father either.

Kyoutani leads the way back into his home to his room, and Shigeru trails after him. Normally, seeing a home so messy like this would make Shigeru scrunch his nose in distaste, but knowing Kyoutani’s family is broken by an unexpected death…

It just breaks his heart to see the uncleanliness of his home.

Shigeru passes through to Kyoutani’s bedroom then, and he holds back the sigh of relief. His room at least isn’t as messy as the rest of the house, and Shigeru wonders if Kyoutani just doesn’t bother cleaning the rest of the house. He does have a few clothes strewn about, and his bed is unmade, but other than that there doesn’t seem to be anything else wrong with it all.

He looks around at the decor and smiles at the posters of volleyball players, among other things he doesn’t recognise right away. Kyoutani shuts the door, and Shigeru freezes with his back to him.

“Sit where ever, I don’t exactly have a table,” Kyoutani mumbles, and Shigeru glances to the bed. His body heats, and he slowly turns towards Kyoutani.

“Okay,” he whispers, trying to brush the nerves away as he moves to the bed. “So uh… math?”

Kyoutani shrugs a little, avoiding Shigeru’s eyes. “I… I wanna ask you something first.”

Shigeru straightens, gulping down the knot in his throat. “Sure, what is it?”

“About the kiss—”

“Oh, that…” Shigeru can feel the panic start to bubble up. Kyoutani hadn’t mentioned it, didn’t push the subject at lunch, and he thought they were in the clear.

But Kyoutani looks like he wants to talk about it now, and Shigeru is pretty sure they need to if this is going to work at all. Whatever this was.

“Why’d you do it?” Kyoutani asks, stepping closer. “If you don’t like me that way, why would you—”

“I don’t know!” Shigeru rushes to say, cutting him off. Feeling frantic, Shigeru makes a gesture with his hands as if to say he’s looking for something tangible. “I just - it felt right? I honestly don’t know why but you’re very… pulling?”

Kyoutani blinks once. “What?”

“Like, I can’t stay away,” Shigeru stands, throwing his hands up in a shrug. He’s not sure what he’s saying, the thoughts he’s been fighting against finally spilling out of his mouth. “Yeah, you annoy me and get on my nerves, but I honestly want to be next to you all the time and - and I guess kiss you, but I don’t see why I would want to and—”

“Good,” Kyoutani cuts him off, “I feel the same, I was just checking.”

“Huh—?”

Kyoutani grabs hold of his face, pulling Shigeru forward and kissing him breathless. Shigeru’s eyes widen at the feel, but his knees begin to shake. Kyoutani seems to sense this, moving forward and reaching down to lay Shigeru down onto his bed. Shigeru takes this moment to catch his breath before Kyoutani hovers over him, and he stares up at him, licking his lips.

When Kyoutani hesitates, Shigeru reaches up and pulls him down, their teeth clanking together. There’s a sharp pain, but Shigeru shifts his mouth and it eases away when Kyoutani’s tongue brushes against his. He gasps at the feeling, holding back a groan when Kyoutani shifts his mouth again.

Shigeru moves his lips around Kyoutani’s, pulling and sucking on Kyoutani’s tongue and earning himself a soft moan. He grins into the kiss, moving his hands down to feel his arms as they brace his body above Shigeru. Kyoutani shifts once more, pulling on Shigeru’s tongue now and he feels the pleasure shoot through him.

A crash from somewhere in the house makes him jump and push Kyoutani away. Shigeru’s breathing is ragged while he stares at the door, but Kyoutani doesn’t seem worried as he dips down to kiss at Shigeru’s neck. “Wh-what was that?” Kyoutani grunts, pressing his teeth into the side of his neck, just under his ear, and Shigeru shivers at the contact. He tries to push at him again, “no, Kyoutani, what was that?”

Kyoutani pauses, pulling away to look down at him. “Probably my dad, it’s not a problem, don’t worry.”

Shigeru shakes his head, pushing Kyoutani away and sitting up next to him. “It was too loud to just be something normal, Kyoutani. We gotta go check - he could be hurt.”

Kyoutani looks uncertain, but his face shifts to concern. “Shit,” he mutters, and Shigeru stands with him, following him out of his bedroom.

They make it back to the kitchen and Shigeru gasps at the sight before him. Kyoutani curses again, hurrying to his father’s side on the floor. Shigeru hurries over as well, sees that the older man has a full body shiver that looks far too alarming to be normal. “Se-seizure - Kyoutani, he’s—”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kyoutani hisses, looking frantic. Shigeru kneels down, quickly pushing Kyoutani’s father onto his side and checking his mouth and breathing.

“Kyoutani, call 119,” he snaps, gently holding his father up. Shigeru glances to him, sees that Kyoutani isn’t moving. “ _Call 119_!” His gaze snaps to Shigeru and he nods, the fear in his eyes evident. Shigeru turns back to the older man, trying to remember what else he can do as Kyoutani stands to grab a phone.


	7. Chapter Six

It’s a blur what happens next. Shigeru doesn’t know how long he kneeled on the dirty tiles of their kitchen, watching Kyoutani’s father have a seizure, but the shaking died down when the response team arrived. He watches them hurry over to Kyoutani’s father, and he stands up to get out of their way. Kyoutani hovers behind him, watching with a blank expression. Shigeru looks to him, his chest aching, and reaches out to hold his hand.

Kyoutani doesn’t look at him, his eyes wide as he watches his father get placed on a gurney before being wheeled out of the house. One of the paramedics comes over to them, and Shigeru answers his questions. When he gestures for both of them to follow, Shigeru pulls Kyoutani along and helps him into the ambulance.

Kyoutani doesn’t let go of his hand, and Shigeru looks to the paramedics for permission. They nod him along and he hurries into the vehicle as well, staying close to Kyoutani.

Now they sit in the waiting room of the hospital, and Kyoutani’s hand is squeezing his for dear life. Shigeru hasn’t gotten him to look at him, but he was able to text his mother about what happened. She has yet to answer, and Shigeru can’t bring himself to care.

“Kyoutani…?”

He shakes his head to Shigeru’s voice, head dipping further down. “He was bleeding, Yahaba…”

Shigeru gulps - he’d been trying not to think about the blood on Kyoutani’s father’s head. It wasn’t a lot, but he fears the man may have suffered a concussion when he collapsed from the violent seizure. A number of things may have happened, and Kyoutani himself doesn’t seem to be handling it well.

Of course he wouldn’t be handling it well. His mother is already gone, Kyoutani can’t lose his father as well. Shigeru squeezes his hand, reaching over to pat the top of it with his other hand and he shifts to face Kyoutani. “They’re going to make sure he’s okay, Kyoutani. It’s going to be okay.”

Kyoutani shakes his head. “You don’t know that.”

Shigeru doesn’t respond, just holds Kyoutani’s hand close.

“Shigeru,” a voice calls and he looks up to see his mother hurrying towards them. He freezes, unwilling to let go of Kyoutani but fearing that she’ll figure it out. “Shigeru, sweetheart, what happened?”

He looks to Kyoutani when his mother stands before them, worry on her face. “I was at Kyoutani’s to study and… his dad just collapsed into a seizure.”

She gives a sharp inhale of breath, and Shigeru sees her look to Kyoutani. “Have you heard anything? Is his mother here too?”

Shigeru shakes his head, “mom, no - Kyoutani’s mother is…” He hesitates, feels Kyoutani’s hand squeeze his again. “She passed away a few years ago, mom.”

He’s happy he messaged his mother about this and not his father - he’s not really sure his father would have responded, and while his mother doesn’t notice a lot, she does try sometimes. She’s frowning now, kneeling in front of Kyoutani. “I see… Kyoutani-san, do you need a place to stay?”

He shakes his head. “I’m fine, ma’am.”

“Are you sure? If it’s not a terrible seizure, I’m sure your father can come home tonight, but,” Shigeru watches his mother think about her words carefully, “if not, I’m not sure you should be alone.”

Kyoutani shakes his head again. “I’ll be fine, thank you for the concern.”

She nods, reaching up to pat Kyoutani’s knee when she notices their hands. Her eyes lock onto Shigeru then and he gulps at her look. “Do you want me to figure out any information on him, Kyoutani-san?”

His shoulders lift in a halfhearted shrug. “If you can, that’d be nice.”

Shigeru bites his lip at the strange responses Kyoutani gives and he wonders how numb he must feel. His mother stands then, gesturing to Shigeru. “Alright then, Shigeru come with me to sort this out.”

He isn’t sure he wants to, but Kyoutani’s hand is releasing it’s hold on his own. Shigeru glances to him before dropping his hold completely, standing to join his mother. She turns to head to an information desk and Shigeru follows after her, a bubbling of nerves appearing in his stomach.

She rounds back on him when they’ve turned a corner and grabs his right arm, pulling it up to look at the TiMER on his wrist. Shigeru winces, more in shame than in pain. “How long has it been at zero?”

Shigeru delays his response by slowly turning his gaze to the floor, scuffing his shoes. “Just after my birthday,” he mumbles, and her hand tightens around his forearm.

“And is Kyoutani-san your one?” She hisses out, “is that why you’re hanging around someone like him?”

Shigeru flinches, “he’s on the team, mom.”

“Shigeru,” her voice is harsh, “don’t lie to me.”

“It’s not a lie,” he grounds out, meeting her eyes. “I’m not lying, he is on the volleyball team.” He goes on to tell her about Watari and his mix-up of plans, about Kyoutani’s offer to help in math and that the other is very good at it. But she remains unconvinced.

“The TiMER, Shigeru,” she snipes, “is he your one or not.” Shigeru gulps, hoping they would’ve avoided it. When he doesn’t answer, she drops her hold. “I won’t be the one to break the news to your father about this, Shigeru.”

He feels ashamed when she turns away, heading over to a nurse to ask about Kyoutani’s father. Shigeru bites his lip, chewing for a moment and reaching over to scratch at the skin his mother’s fingers pressed into. He shouldn’t feel ashamed, he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t pick Kyoutani for a soulmate and he’s not acting on what the TiMER is trying to tell him.

His face heats when he remembers that he did. He did act on it when Kyoutani kissed him, when he opened his mouth and let Kyoutani’s tongue invade him, when he responded in kind. Shigeru shivers at the memory, his nails digging further into his skin as he scratches. His mother is returning to him now, and her eyes are on Shigeru’s arm.

She grabs his left arm now, throwing it down. “Don’t do this here, Shigeru,” she hisses under her breath as she passes him. “I’m not taking you to therapy again.”

Shigeru feels numb at that, his fingers twitching to return to the scratching, only this time where she’d touched him on his left. He’s beginning to regret telling her anything.

Slowly he turns to return to the waiting room, hearing the tail end of what she says to Kyoutani. “... see him now, if you’d like.” Kyoutani nods and stands next to her, his eyes searching for Shigeru now. He stands a few feet away, watching Kyoutani for his reaction. Kyoutani moves towards Shigeru, reaching out to take his hand and pull him along. Shigeru glances over to his mother as they leave the waiting room, her lips pursed at the sight of their hands.

The itching sensation returns, but Kyoutani’s grasp keeps him from reaching for his arm.

Kyoutani leads the way to his father’s hospital room Shigeru’s mother told him about and is welcomed by the nurse. She smiles at them as they walk in, and Shigeru smiles back.

In the bed, Kyoutani’s father sits up a little straighter. Shigeru eyes the patch on his forehead where the cut had been, wonders how back it was. “Kentarou, I’m sorry about all this,” he says to them, voice raspy. His gaze shifts to Shigeru and he looks puzzled. “Who’s this?”

Kyoutani stands at the end of the bed, his hold on Shigeru tightening. “This is Yahaba, he’s the one who told me to call 119 when you were…” Kyoutani trails off, and Shigeru peeks over to see him staring down at his feet.

Kyoutani’s father is eyeing their hands now. “Ken, is this your—” He pauses, his mouth pinching together. “I didn’t know your TiMER had gone off, son.”

“I didn’t tell you,” Kyoutani responds, and Shigeru shifts his weight between his feet.

He sighs heavily, and Shigeru watches the older man nod sadly. “I don’t blame you - I fell off the wagon again kid, I’m sorry.”

Shigeru watches Kyoutani, who shuffles between his feet as well. “What happened?”

“Well for starters, I was trying to quit,” he huffs a laugh, as though he’s mocking himself, “but I guess when your body is used to so much alcohol, suddenly changing will hurt you more than help.”

“What do you mean?” Shigeru asks before he can stop himself.

“My body went into shock from all the movement I’d been doing, on top of no longer drinking…” He shakes his head, eyes downcast. “Couldn’t quite handle the shift in daily activities, this old body of mine…” He chuckles sadly, and Shigeru’s chest begins to hurt when Kyoutani’s hand tightens again. “So, are you and my son dating, Yahaba-san?”

Shigeru opens his mouth to respond, his voice caught in his throat. They weren’t, but why couldn’t he say anything?

“We’re not dating,” Kyoutani grumbles, dropping his hold on Shigeru’s hand. Shigeru flexes his fingers, the empty feeling left behind flaring up his irritated skin from when he’d been scratching.

Kyoutani’s father frowns, sending a confused expression to his son. “I see… well, we can go home if you’d like, Kentarou, but I don’t know what’s our best option right now.”

“Oh, I won’t mind taking you back,” Shigeru jumps at the sound of his mother’s voice, turning to the door to see her standing there. She’s smiling, all business-like to Kyoutani’s father. “Hello, I’m Yahaba Yumi, Shigeru’s mother.”

Kyoutani’s father clears his throat. “Uh, hello, Yahaba-san. Th-that’d be great, thank you.” He sits a little straighter. “Sorry, I’m Kyoutani Takeo.”

She smiles at him, and Shigeru frowns at how forced it looks - at least, he can tell it’s forced. “Nice to meet you, Kyoutani-san.”

He nods, “nice to meet you as well, Yahaba-san.” Shigeru wonders if he can tell his mother is simply trying to be polite. “Seems our sons are soulmates, huh?”

Her lips thin as her eyes drift to Shigeru. “It does indeed…”

It would be a long, silent ride home for him.

———

_May 23rd, 2017_

_It’s been a few days since Kyoutani’s father collapsed. Mom won’t talk to me about what happened, and I’m afraid she’ll tell dad that Kyoutani is my soulmate._

_In the meantime, I’ve been going to Kyoutani’s house more to check on his dad. He seems to appreciate it, has even asked me to stay over for longer than I do. Kyoutani tells his dad to back off when I don’t answer right away, and I get the feeling that Kyoutani is mad at his dad for doing that to himself. But I keep telling him that his dad was just trying to get better, and he seems to appreciate the lack of beer there._

_I still can’t believe what happened though. And to think, I was so close to pulling Kyoutani back down and ignoring the sound…_

_I have to tell dad about Kyoutani before mom does. Maybe he’ll believe me more than she did that nothing is happening between us. Except it’s such a lie to say that when I keep thinking about kissing him again, or that when his dad’s asleep, he’ll pull me to his room to kiss me breathless before helping me with math… I don’t mind if I fail math now though, not when there’s something more we could be doing._

_Watari seems to hate that we keep ditching him. I told Kyoutani we have to go to Watari’s tomorrow to study so we can make up for ditching him everyday this week. He felt bad and agreed, so hopefully Watari will brighten up again._

_The thing is, I’m more afraid that I’ve gotten too close to Kyoutani. I’m not sure I can handle just making out with him now, and I don’t mean the physical stuff. I think… I think I want more._

———

Kentarou narrows his eyes at Yahaba. “Is this seriously the only reason I’m here?”

Yahaba sighs, “please Kyoutani, come back to the team. Our arrangement right now would be _so much easier_ if you didn’t have to wait around for me after practice.”

Scowling, Kentarou shakes his head. “Fuck no, you know I don’t wanna come back.”

The door of the club room opens then and Matsukawa enters with Hanamaki. They both stop at the sight of Kentarou, and Matsukawa whistles. “Wel well well, if it isn’t Kyoutani.”

“Fuck off,” Kentarou snaps, glaring at the two third years. Yahaba groans, smacking his forehead.

“Oh be nice, they haven’t done anything,” Yahaba puts a hand on his hip, and Kentarou watches the way his hip juts out to the side. His fingers twitch at the idea of reaching for it, but decides to glare at him instead.

“I’m not coming back, stop trying to force me.”

“I’m not forcing you to do anything!” Yahaba snaps, and Kentarou growls.

“Then why tell me to meet you here?!” He’d honestly thought the text that morning was for something… _else_ , but apparently Yahaba was still trying to do Oikawa’s bidding and get him to come back.

Yahaba’s eyebrow twitches, and Kentarou thinks he might actually be pissed with him. He throws his hands up and yells through his teeth, turning away to storm from the club room. Kentarou watches him go, flinches when he nearly barels into Oikawa and Iwaizumi, and the sight of the two of them has him clenching his jaw. Oh, hell no, he was not going to listen to Oikawa today. So he follows after Yahaba, shoving at the two of them on his way out.

He can hear Oikawa say something about Yahaba still trying to bring him back and Kentarou feels a pounding headache form from this annoyance.

He catches up to Yahaba before he can enter the gym and pulls him around the corner, making him yelp in surprise. “What?!” He snaps at Kentarou, pulling his arm away.

Kentarou glares at him. “Stop doing this - I’ll come back when I’m good and ready, so don’t trick me—”

“Wait, did you seriously think we were going to hook up?” Yahaba scoffs, crossing his arms. “Kyoutani, I have a practice to get to - Interhigh is in a week, I can’t waste time with you right now.”

Kentarou’s face falls. “Oh…”

“Oh?” Yahaba shakes his head, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “Whatever, I’ll call you next week if I want to hook up again…”

Kentarou watches him walk away, and he feels his heart drop. He pulls out his phone, knows Yahaba left his in the clubroom, and sends a quick ‘sorry’ to him for after morning practice. Hesitating, Kentarou sighs and sends an additional text of ‘good luck at interhigh’ before pocketing his phone, hurrying to the library to finish the homework he meant to finish last night - the only reason he didn’t is because Yahaba showed up and kissing him was so much better than English assignments.

Over the course of the week, Kentarou avoided the gym and Watari’s classroom. He didn’t want to waste Yahaba’s time (and while he pretended that didn’t sting, it really did) but he received texts throughout the week from Watari and Yahaba, asking him to come back to lunch with them.

**Watari S**  
[11:50] You’re making Yahaba sad

**Yahabaka**  
[11:51] Oh please, I’m not sad  
[11:51] But you should come back

**Watari S**  
[11:53] Was it something we said?

He clicked his phone closed and rested his head in his arms for the lunch break.

His father asked about Yahaba by the end of the week, and Kentarou told him he had to focus on volleyball for the tournament. His father just nodded and returned to watching the television, frowning a little. Kentarou didn’t ask him if he thought Kentarou should go back, and he didn’t ask if his father knew he’d left volleyball.

By Monday, he’d heard that the team had lost to Shiratorizawa. He thought about checking on Yahaba, but decided against it - trying to give him space. Watari came to him for lunch, telling him Yahaba was upset about the loss and that Kentarou should check on him. He refused, said that he’d rather Yahaba make the choice to come to him. Watari had shrugged and sat down to join him, sharing some of his onigiri and remaining silent the whole lunch period.

The next morning, Kentarou stands outside the gym, hoping he’d find Yahaba before anyone saw him. When someone pulls at him though, he fights against it, only to find the other is stronger. Looking over, he sees that it’s Iwaizumi pulling him around to the back of the gym.

“What the fuck…?” Kentarou mumbles, pulling his arm out of Iwaizumi’s grasp. “What’s that about?”

Iwaizumi takes a deep breath, his face giving away his anxiety. “I need to talk to you.” Shit, now Oikawa’s sent Iwaizumi to try to get Kentarou to come back?

Kentarou scowls, trying to glare but knowing it’s not going to scare Iwaizumi. The guy isn’t easy to intimidate. “I’m not coming back unless I’m a starter.”

“No, not about volleyball!” Iwaizumi groans, and it’s clear he’s trying to keep from raising his voice. Kentarou blinks at him - he was sure he was trying to convince him to come back because of Oikawa, seeing as the two are so wrapped up in one another. So he waits for Iwaizumi to continue. “Why did you get the TiMER?”

He panics, “has that prick been saying shit?” There’s no way Iwaizumi is talking to him about something as stupid as the TiMER when he knows the older boy doesn’t believe in that crap. Yahaba had to have said something about their relationship - he sure seems to tell Watari everything. When Iwaizumi doesn’t answer, he relaxes and says, “I don’t know what you mean…”

“When you were a first year and Oikawa first got the TiMER, you seemed pretty firm on the TiMER being a waste of time.”

“So…? People change…” No fucking way Iwaizumi was considering it now - something must have happened between him and Oikawa for him to consider getting concrete proof that they’re soulmates now.

“And then you showed up with one, months after you turned sixteen, and _right_ after Yahaba did.”

Kentarou remains silent - is he going somewhere with this? It’s not like he’s dating Yahaba, and if this is about Oikawa’s obsession with it, then Iwaizumi should keep him out of it. It was pretty clear to Kentarou that the two of them were in love - and most likely soulmates, because damn they were way too into each other - did Iwaizumi really need a TiMER to figure that out? And anyway, he’s not in love with Yahaba, he just likes kissing him, so what does this have to do with him?

“Look, I’m not saying you did it because of Yahaba, and I’m not suggesting you like him—”

“Because I don’t!” Kentarou snaps, his face heating. He just likes kissing him… “At least, I didn’t before…”

Iwaizumi’s jaw drops. “Wait, so you’re saying the TiMER really does work?”

Kentarou hesitates, not sure if that’s what he means. “No… I mean, it’s not wrong… Yahaba, I don’t think I have feelings for him…” He scuffs his foot, looks anywhere but at Iwaizumi. “But he’s become important to me in the last few months.” If by important, he means he get restless on the nights he doesn’t get to kiss him for hours on end.

Iwaizumi considers his words for a moment. “So you think you could—”

“Look, Iwaizumi-senpai,” Kentarou starts, glaring hard to try to rid himself of thoughts involving Yahaba, “if this is about you and your issue with the TiMER, don’t use me to figure it out. My family thinks it’s a great device and they love Yahaba. The only reason I didn’t want one is because my dad was miserable after my mom died. I didn’t think I could deal with it. I caved when I did, and it just so happened that Yahaba had just gotten his, too.” Kentarou shrugs. “You’ve never wanted it, and your parents didn’t need it to find each other. Why change your mind now?”

Kentarou turns and leaves, hoping he gave Iwaizumi enough to think about. If that really was about Oikawa, he has some confidence that Iwaizumi will stick by his own beliefs and just admit he’s in love with the idiot captain before he makes the decision to waste money on the stupid TiMER.

It’s not like it did him any good - he just has a new friend with benefits, which is probably the last thing his mother ever wanted for him.


	8. Chapter Seven

Shigeru forces a smile for Kyoutani’s father. “Yeah, we… we lost pretty badly.”

The older man at least seems sympathetic. “I’m sorry to hear that, Shigeru-kun.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles awkwardly, glancing to Kyoutani. He’s glaring at the television, but the news story is about puppies at the shelter being born so Shigeru knows he’s not upset about that.

In the weeks he’s been showing up to the Kyoutani household, he’s quickly learned that Kyoutani absolutely loves animals (at least he thinks he does, it’s hard to tell sometimes) and that animals definitely love Kyoutani. Stays roam around his neighborhood and grow excited when they see him, running over and begging to be patted. Kyoutani never ignores them, but sometimes he sighs as though he’s bothered. Shigeru feels his chest swell at the sight of Kyoutani and these sweet animals - usually dogs - and finds that Kyoutani is more of a sweet old puppy rather than a “mad dog” like Oikawa calls him.

When Kyoutani’s father mentions having work to do and reminds Kyoutani to keep his door open, Shigeru is pulled into the back of the house and dragged to Kyoutani’s bed. He feels the force of being shoved down, and Shigeru grits his teeth, spinning around to stop Kyoutani from sitting above him. “Wait!”

“What?”

“I didn’t come here for… _this_ ,” Shigeru grumbles, pushing Kyoutani away a little. “I came over to apologise.”

Kyoutani frowns, “for what?”

Shigeru sighs, “for ignoring you all week…”

Kyoutani doesn’t look impressed. “Then make it up to me.”

“I don’t feel like it,” Shigeru whispers, pulling his knees to his chest. Kyoutani’s frown softens and he flops onto the bed beside Shigeru, laying back to relax. “Sorry…”

“Whatever,” Kyoutani grunts, a small crack from him when he rolls his neck a moment before relaxing again. “If you just need to chill out then go right ahead.”

Shigeru pulls himself tighter together, a clicking sound coming from the ceiling fan above them. He doesn’t move for a while, and he focuses on the sound of breathing coming from Kyoutani. It’s soft and hard to hear under the fan, but it helps him breathe.

When his father found out they had lost to Shiratorizawa again, he’d lectured Shigeru for an hour about how he didn’t try hard enough to become a regular, how he’d slacked off and contributed nothing to Seijou’s team. It left Shigeru feeling worthless all week, but when Watari mentioned that Kyoutani had been outside the gym during practice yesterday, he’d felt something tugging at his chest.

“Hey, Yahaba,” he hears it distantly, but he doesn’t recognise the words.

Shigeru had hoped seeing Kyoutani and his father would help him feel better. Instead, Kyoutani’s father had asked about the tournament and…

And what? He was kind and understanding? Nothing like Shigeru’s own father had been. And it hurt more to have someone else’s father treat him with care, to have an adult not blame him for their loss. Hell, Kyoutani had seemed upset when Shigeru had said it and even he didn’t blame Shigeru for the loss.

“Yahaba,” again, he doesn’t register the sound.

So why was he taking it so hard?

Probably because he knows he’ll be going home soon to parents who are disappointed in him - his father for losing a match he didn’t even get to play in, and his mother for lying about Kyoutani. For lying about his soulmate he never asked for. And, dear god, he’s going to have to tell his father about Kyoutani before his mother does and he’s not sure where to start.

“Yahaba?”

His father will have questions and Shigeru isn’t sure he can answer. Is he gay? He shouldn’t be because his parents want grandchildren. But he sure as hell likes it when Kyoutani touches him. Is he in love with Kyoutani? Probably not, but at the same time Shigeru knows he’s really attracted to him. What would his father even say? It’s entirely possible his father will disown him for not only being a failure in sports but also for getting into such a messed up relationship with another boy. For letting the TiMER choose Kyoutani - except he didn’t let it, it just happened, but he’s sure his father will blame him somehow. His mother already does, doesn’t she? She doesn’t look Shigeru in the eye ever since the hospital and he knows it’s because of Kyoutani being his one.

His one true soulmate, the person who just wants to throw him against surfaces and make out with his face. And Shigeru wants to let him but he probably shouldn’t because it’s not going anywhere. They’re not going to be more than friends, if he can even call this friendship—

“Shigeru, _stop_ ,” Kyoutani growls out, and Shigeru jumps. He turns his gaze from the wall opposite of them to look at him, and finds that Kyoutani is holding his wrists. “What the fuck?” His face is expressing concern, but it’s almost impossible to notice under his perpetual glare. “What are you doing to yourself?”

He stares at Kyoutani, jaw slack. “What…?”

Kyoutani nods down to Shigeru’s arms and he glances down. They’re not terrible or even scarring, but he can see the scratches along his forearm. He hadn’t even noticed he was scratching himself again, and to realize he’d lost control of his movements - _in front of Kyoutani_ \- causes him to shake.

“Hey, what—” Kyoutani releases his hold on Shigeru’s wrists before reaching up and grabbing his shoulders. “What’s happening?”

“S-sorry,” Shigeru whispers, his vision gaining black spots, “it’s nothing…”

Kyoutani scoffs, pulling Shigeru into an awkward hug while grumbling, “clearly it’s something.” Shigeru’s body convulses before he tries to relax into Kyoutani’s arms. It’s difficult, and his chest feels compressed while his heart goes crazy, so he pushes at him, trying to break the hold Kyoutani has on Shigeru. Kyoutani resists for a moment before he lets go and sits back. “What is happening?!”

Shigeru shakes his head, trembling uncontrollably before hunching over, curling up and rolling to his side. He tries to focus on his breathing, squeezing his eyes shut tight and counting in his head the seconds to hold his breath. His heart begins to calm, slowly but surely, and eventually his shaking goes down as well. Shigeru takes a few more deep breaths, clutching his head and trying to relieve the pounding there.

“Shigeru…?” Kyoutani murmurs, and Shigeru opens his eyes, glancing up to him. “Did you just have an anxiety attack?”

He takes one last deep breath before pulling himself up. He’s sure he’ll have another if he moves too fast, but he tries not to think about it. That would only make it happen sooner. “Sorry, that hasn’t happened in a long time…”

Kyoutani frowns and the concern is clearly there. “Don’t apologise, just… what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Shigeru groans, flinching when Kyoutani glares. “Everything…?”

“What do you mean?”

Shigeru bites his lip, chewing for a moment as he thinks about it. He doesn’t want to just unload onto Kyoutani all of his worries, not right now. Kyoutani reaches over and shoves his thumb into Shigeru’s mouth, surprising him so much his mind goes blank.

“Stop chewing on it, it’s distracting,” Kyoutani scowls, pulling his thumb away. Shigeru gapes at him, the bit of saliva that Kyoutani’s thumb pulled from his mouth beginning to dribble off his lip, so he licks at it. “ _Seriously_?” Kyoutani moans under his breath, before moving forward to kiss him.

Shigeru opens his mouth, pushing back to displace Kyoutani onto his back, leaning over and deepening the kiss. Kyoutani doesn’t protest, reaching up to pulling Shigeru down, their tongues meeting and the vibration Shigeru feels between them tells him Kyoutani is moaning again - or maybe he is. He can’t tell, but he enjoys the feeling and decides he needs to move closer.

So he swings his leg over Kyoutani, straddling his hips and pressing down to get closer. Kyoutani grunts, his hands immediately shifting to pull at Shigeru’s hips. They’re definitely moaning now and feels all of his worries drift away when Kyoutani pulls and bites at Shigeru’s mouth. He shifts his body a little, the friction sending a pleasurable shiver through his body. Kyoutani hums in content, pulling Shigeru’s hips back for that friction again. Shigeru’s muscles twitch this time, the feeling much more heavy than last time.

They jump away from one another when a pounding comes at the door, Shigeru nearly rolling off the bed when Kyoutani grabs him. “Ken, I said to leave the door _open_!” They hear Kyoutani’s father call from the other side, and Shigeru feels Kyoutani pull him back onto the bed, against his chest.

“Sorry,” Kyoutani calls, and the handle clicks before the door swings open. His father stares at them, his expression unamused. “Force of habit…”

Kyoutani’s father rolls his eyes, “yeah yeah, just keep the door open. I don’t care what you two do, just so long as it’s not when _I’m_ here, kid. Otherwise, the door stays open.”

Kyoutani nods once, his chin resting on Shigeru’s shoulder. “Sure thing.”

He nods back, glancing over Shigeru before walking away. Kyoutani waits, listening for his father’s office door to close soon after. When Shigeru hears it, he waits a beat, glancing down to Kyoutani’s hands around his stomach.

“You worried about volleyball?” Kyoutani whispers, his breath tickling Shigeru’s neck.

His head bobs, but he doesn’t move it too much in case he hits Kyoutani in the nose. “My dad said I should have tried harder to become a regular.”

“Not your fault,” Kyoutani mutters, his lips ghosting along Shigeru’s neck. He trembles at the feeling, reaching up to grab Kyoutani’s hands to hold himself in place. “Is this helping you relax?”

Shigeru shrugs, “kind of…?”

Kyoutani huffs a laugh, the feeling of it feeling good on the nape of Shigeru’s neck. “Maybe I should come back to the team if I help you calm down.”

He doesn't sound like he means it, but the thought is appealing. “Will you?”

He can’t see him, but the feeling of Kyoutani’s shoulders rising and falling tells him he’s gotten a shrug in return. “If you really need me…”

Shigeru is about to answer ‘no’ when Kyoutani begins to suck on his neck, the sensitive skin prickling in pleasure and sending yet another shudder throughout his body. “ _Yes_...” he breathes instead, tilting his head down to give Kyoutani better access.

Kyoutani hums, kissing around the back of Shigeru’s neck before sucking in another place. “We’ll see,” he whispers, the feeling of it intensified by the wet of his saliva. 

Shigeru places a hand over his mouth, groaning in his throat as quietly as he can when Kyoutani begins to suck and kiss all along his neck, pulling back his shirt to do so harder in places not everyone will see. His hands drift lower than Shigeru’s stomach, and his hips jerk in response.

His head throws back, narrowly missing Kyoutani’s. Twisting, Shigeru reaches out to grab Kyoutani’s chin, making him kiss his mouth instead. Kyoutani hums into his mouth, and Shigeru almost smiles at the feeling.

He still feels it on his skin, rubbing at the spots Kyoutani kissed hours later in his bedroom. Momo is already asleep on his bed, and Shigeru sends his journal a goofy grin.

_June 13th, 2017_

_Pretty sure mom and dad are going to kill me for being with a man. But only if Kyoutani doesn’t smother me with pleasure first._

———

Kentarou rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t serious, you know.”

Yahaba barks a laugh, pulling him into the club room quickly. Some of the first years are the only ones around and Kentarou hears a really tall guy ask Yahaba something - he looks almost like a turnip and Kentarou can’t help but stare. Some people just have really weird hair…

“Don’t worry about him, Kindaichi,” Yahaba answers him, pulling Kentarou to sit down near his locker. “We’re not sure if he’s staying.”

The guy - Kindaichi, apparently - doesn’t look convinced but he nods anyway. Kentarou keeps his eyes on Yahaba, trying hard to glare.

It’s hard to glare when he sees the fading marks under Yahaba’s hairline and knows he put them there.

Watari walks over, his face shifting to surprise when he notices Kentarou. He recovers quickly, waving at him. Kentarou inclines his in return before watching Yahaba change his clothes. This could almost be a good reason to come back, but he can see Watari snickering at him and averts his gaze.

“So are you joining us for practice, Kyoutani?” Watari asks, getting changed as well.

“Only if he thinks it’s worth it,” Yahaba answers for him, smirking back at him. Kentarou avoids his eyes, focusing on the bench.

Watari clicks his tongue, “I’m pretty sure I asked Kyoutani, Yahaba, but if you’re the type of boyfriend who likes to answer for his partner—”

“We’re not dating, Watari,” Yahaba drones, face shifting to annoyance before he pulls his t-shirt over his head. Kentarou grunts in agreement, noticing a couple of first years glance down at him. He glares up at them, making them all look away.

“Whatever you guys say,” Watari chuckles, finished with changing.

A commotion comes from the other side, and Yahaba turns to Kentarou as though he heard nothing. He stares over at the lockers, wondering what that’s all about when he hears Oikawa screeching “such an important practice today folks! Get moving, chop chop!” before most everyone hurries to leave.

He raises a brow to Yahaba. “Shouldn’t you be going too?”

“It’s not important,” Yahaba rolls his eyes, “Oikawa’s probably just avoiding his own problems.”

Kentarou can’t think of what that might be, but he nods anyway.

“Do you want to come to practice?”

“No,” Kentarou scowls, knowing that if he noticed the hickies then everyone else would too.

Yahaba sighs, “do you want to come to dinner some time?”

Kentarou blinks, “what?”

“At my house,” Yahaba bites his lip, and Kentarou watches him reach over, rubbing his arm. Kentarou tenses, waiting for the scratching so he can stop it before it starts. “Meet my parents and stuff…?”

“I met your mom,” Kentarou murmurs, feeling nervous at the thought. They weren’t dating, right? Yahaba keeps saying that.

“But like,” Yahaba’s fingers curl and Kentarou reaches out, grabbing his hand before he can scratch. Yahaba doesn’t seem to notice. “Maybe it’s time I told them about the TiMER and stuff…”

Kentarou gulps, looking down. “Let me think about it,” and suddenly he needs to change the subject before Yahaba fully panics, “but I’m not coming back to practice.”

Yahaba’s hand relaxes and he pulls it away, sighing as he places his hands on his hips. “Look, do whatever you want, but if you want to play real volleyball for once you need to come to practice again,” he says, and Kentarou wonders if they ever really talked about his desires. Otherwise, Yahaba can read minds and knows exactly how he’s been feeling in regards to volleyball.

He stands, trying to force his face into a frown. “Whether I come back or not doesn’t matter, and you know it,” he growls, and he knows this isn’t important right now, but he has to say it all before Yahaba tries to drag him to the gym. “Oikawa’s an asshole and he’ll never get the coaches to let me play.”

“Not with that attitude, he won’t,” Yahaba scoffs, rolling his eyes. His expression softens, and Kentarou wonders if the anxiety attack was completely curbed or not. Yahaba reaches forward, and Kentarou watches his hand, “Ken, please—”

His heart skips at the sound, and he smacks Yahaba’s hand away. “ _Don’t_!” Kentarou snaps, unsure if this is the time or place to be hearing Yahaba call him by his name, let alone touch him. “Not here!”

Yahaba’s face crumbles, and Kentarou’s heart skips again. “Oh…”

He’s sure now that Yahaba’s panic wasn’t totally gone and Kentarou reaches out. “I’m sorry—”

Yahaba steps back, away from his touch. “It’s fine, I get it - you don’t want to come back to the team and you don’t want to meet my parents. It’s… it’s fine.”

Kentarou shakes his head, “no, Yahaba, I’m sorry—”

He doesn’t get to finish when Yahaba hurries away, avoiding his eyes entirely. “I have to go, practice is starting.”

Kentarou watches him leave and his stomach feels as though it’s shrinking in on itself as he remembers the sad expression on Yahaba’s face.

———

Shigeru knows it stings when Kyoutani stands straighter upon spotting him, and he knows he shouldn’t be feeling a little joy at the expression on Kyoutani’s face. He’s guilty, it’s obvious, but Shigeru isn’t sure he can forgive him for pushing him away (even though he wants to).

“When is this dinner you want me to go to?” Kyoutani asks him, and Shigeru freezes. He’d meant to keep moving, to avoid Kyoutani and act as though he didn’t see him. But he wasn’t expecting this. “I’m sorry about earlier…”

“You should be,” Shigeru mutters, unwilling to meet Kyoutani’s eyes. “And who said I wanted you to come anymore?”

Kyoutani coughs, scuffing his foot. “I… do you not want me to come now?”

Shigeru snaps his gaze to Kyoutani, forcing a glare. “Do _you_ even want to?” Before he can answer, Shigeru forces a laugh, “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to. My parents… they’re kind of terrible.”

Kyoutani frowns. “Your mom seemed nice…”

“She hates you,” Shigeru snaps, winces when Kyoutani looks surprised. “Or, she at least hates that we’re soulmates.”

“What?” Kyoutani’s forehead scrunches in confusion, “what’s wrong with us being soulmates?”

Shigeru gawks at him, “Kyoutani, my parents want grandchildren.”

Kyoutani’s head tilts to the side and Shigeru can only see him as a confused puppy. “So? Marry some chick, I don’t care.”

That makes his stomach churn, “I… I’ll text you later when I figure out when my parents would be cool with you coming over.”

Kyoutani nods, but he still looks confused. “Okay; are you coming over today?”

“No,” Shigeru snaps, takes a deep breath. “I’m still not happy with you - give me some time to calm down…”

“Okay.”


	9. Chapter Eight

A month passes before Kentarou even realizes it, but he can believe it when he finally does. Yahaba had avoided him for about a week after the discussion of meeting his parents and then the following week he spent it without acknowledging Kentarou beyond being civil. Kentarou had scowled through those two weeks, hating how they’d reverted back to before their weird tension kicked off.

The third week Yahaba was speaking to him again though, and Kentarou finally relaxed. Watari had asked him around that time if he did something to piss Yahaba off before, and Kentarou had told him it was none of his business. He appreciated Watari agreeing as though it were no big deal and moving on to different topics, but Kentarou hated the reminder of how he’d treated Yahaba.

It’s not like they’re dating - Yahaba loves to point that out more than he does. Kentarou frowns down at his math exam, trying to focus on the words and numbers rather than the thoughts floating around his head.

Math was always easy for him, but right now, because he is still unsure of how Yahaba would treat him that final week of the semester, Kentarou felt far too distracted. He’d probably have to take summer classes to make up for the score he’d most likely get - the first time he’ll ever fail something math related.

Kentarou feels his eye twitch in frustration. Stupid Yahaba, making him fail a math exam…

He ends up turning in an incomplete exam and his teacher gives him an odd look - she knows he’s the only one who really understood the lessons, so he figures she must be confused as to how he failed to complete the simple problems. He doesn’t look back, hurrying out of the classroom for the break.

He sees Hanamaki and Matsukawa down the hallway, talking about something with some of the most serious expressions Kentarou had ever seen from them and he pauses to watch them. They weren’t the worst third years on the volleyball team - sometimes they were pretty chill, but Kentarou knew they could get rowdy if you tempted them enough. Apparently being soulmates with another guy was tempting enough to mess with, but Kentarou hasn’t seen much of them in regards to his relationship with Yahaba since the library.

Briefly, he wonders how often Yahaba talks to them seeing as they’re on the team together.

It was like as a light bulb went off in his brain at the thought, and Kentarou does a hurried turn to find the only third year he feels he can respect.

Iwaizumi isn’t hard to find, but it’s an odd sight all the same. Kentarou hesitates when he sees Iwaizumi, head pressed against a wall as though the biggest decision of his life is weighing on his shoulders. Other students don’t seem to notice his distress, most of them ignoring and walking around him. Kentarou figures the stress of exams is simply getting to Iwaizumi - he’d heard the third year exams are the toughest to deal with, especially in the higher level classes.

Ignoring any consideration for Iwaizumi’s possibly unhinged mind, Kentarou moves forward and bumps the older boy’s shoulder with his fist. Iwaizumi seems to jump, but it’s hindered by his slumped form. He rolls his head along the wall, looking at Kentarou with a wide eyed expression.

Maybe he should have left him alone and gone to someone else.

“Oh…” Iwaizumi mumbles, pushing off the wall to stand up straight. “What’s up, Kyoutani?”

“Watari said there’s a training camp next month,” Kentarou starts, and Iwaizumi looks back at him with confusion. He doesn’t think it’s because he’s the one talking about it, Iwaizumi genuinely looks confused that there is a training camp.

“Oh, right,” Iwaizumi settles on saying, rubbing his neck for a second. He looks more relaxed now, as though whatever is bothering him is suddenly stored away for the moment. “What about it?”

“I want to go,” Kentarou grunts, and Iwaizumi’s face remains calm. “I… don’t know if I want to rejoin the team, but I’d like to go to the training camp.”

Iwaizumi seems to consider it, nodding a little. “Yeah, I’ll tell the coaches and get back to you later today.”

Kentarou nods, and figuring there’s nothing more to say, he begins to turn away. He pauses though, when he sees Iwaizumi return to pressing his head into the wall. “Are… you okay?”

“What even is love?” Iwaizumi mutters, and Kentarou’s eyes widen in shock. “A fucking week - what a joke, I’m so stupid.”

He has no idea what Iwaizumi means, but Kentarou grows uncomfortable when Iwaizumi lifts his head a little before hitting it against the wall.

Gulping, Kentarou looks to the side. People are sending Iwaizumi odd looks now, but no one is moving to help him. He tries to think of what to say, but a sudden rumor he’d heard floats back into his mind - this is about Iwaizumi’s new TiMER and Oikawa, isn’t it?

“Iwaizumi-senpai,” Kentarou starts awkwardly, and Iwaizumi stops hitting his head. It doesn’t look like he’s doing it so hard it could bruise, but Kentarou isn’t too sure. “You… you know what you feel for him isn’t going to help you through exams, right?” When Iwaizumi doesn’t answer, Kentarou tries to figure something else out to say. “He’ll always be there, no matter what,” Kentarou continues, and he winces at how cliche that sounds, “just like always.”

Iwaizumi lifts his head now, and he turns to face Kentarou. “Even if he’s there, I’m still breaking his heart by not falling in love. He’ll want to leave one day.” This whole thing is confusing him - Kentarou could have sworn Iwaizumi is crazy in love with Oikawa. What happened?

Gulping, Kentarou looks down to his feet. He remembers what his mother always told him when it came to the TiMER. “Even if it hurts in the beginning, he’s your soulmate for one reason. It’s to be everything you’re not, as well as everything good you can’t see in yourself. Soulmates… they always work out in the end. Even if you don’t think it will in the beginning.”

Yahaba’s expression from a month ago flares into his mind then, and Kentarou jumps at the thought. He looks up, and Iwaizumi seems to be considering his words.

Does it hurt now? For him, not really. Kentarou found it annoying in the beginning, and in the past few months he found it to be nice. But his feelings for Yahaba haven’t shifted beyond that of friendship, or of an intense attraction he can’t help but act on. So what about Yahaba himself? Did he have feelings now, and was Kentarou unknowingly breaking his heart?

He doesn’t like that thought. If Yahaba is being hurt by him not having feelings, what is Kentarou supposed to do? At least, Kentarou doesn’t think he has any feelings.

The bell to return to classes for the next exam goes overhead and Iwaizumi sighs. “Thanks for trying to help, Kyoutani, but two people who aren’t in love can’t exactly figure out what it means to be in love…” He waves a little, turning back to his class. “I’ll get back to you later about the camp.”

Kentarou nods, watching him walk away before turning to hurry back to his own room. He thinks about what Iwaizumi says as the next exams are passed back. To be in love… no, Kentarou doesn’t know the feeling.

———

Shigeru gives a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “I don’t think we should—” Watari hushes him before he can finish the sentence. He glares at him. “Watari, I’m not going to—”

“Yahaba, invite him over!” Watari snaps, body language commanding and stern. “You’ve had your parents go ahead to invite him over for two weeks now, just do it!”

He groans, wincing at the thought. It was true, his mother had finally agreed to Shigeru having Kyoutani come over to meet them, but she still seemed displeased that he was Shigeru’s one. Kyoutani on the other hand had been so distant he wasn’t sure if they were even at a stage of friendship anymore.

“I just can’t do it,” Shigeru admits sadly, and Watari rolls his eyes. Before he can get an earful of it however, Watari becomes alert and smiles as friendly as usual.

“Can’t do what?” He shivers at the voice, and Shigeru turns to find Kyoutani standing behind him. “Hey Watari,” Kyoutani nods to him, and Shigeru wants to turn and glare at his friend for waving at Kyoutani all the time. Kyoutani’s face pinches in confusion and he does the adorable head tilt like a puppy. “Uh… bye Watari?”

Shigeru jolts at that and he spins to watch Watari begin to walk away, his smile the biggest lie Shigeru has ever seen. He gapes at his friend before watching him turn and run away.

Kyoutani coughs, “that was… weird.” Shigeru stares at him, feeling nervous. “What was that about?”

“Do…” Shigeru clears his throat, standing straighter. “Do you want to come to dinner this Saturday?”

Kyoutani stares back, blinking a few times. “Wait, that’s still a thing?”

Shigeru wants to bury his face in his hands. He cannot be serious! “ _Yes_ , and my mom said this weekend is good.”

“Then yeah, I guess I can come,” Kyoutani shrugs casually, as though his answer isn’t the best thing Shigeru has heard all month. “I was beginning to think you hated me… again.”

“No, just…” Shigeru pouts, glancing away. “Just didn’t know if you even liked me.”

Kyoutani scoffs, “of course I like you - would I kiss someone I hate?”

Shigeru feels as light as feather, and he turns his gaze back to Kyoutani. His face is so neutral though, and Shigeru can’t help but feel that Kyoutani doesn’t mean it the way Shigeru wants him to.

“Hey, Kyoutani,” they both turn back to the school to find Iwaizumi hurrying over to them. “The coaches are cool with it, if you still want to come.”

Kyoutani nods and Shigeru looks between them. “Uh, what?”

Iwaizumi gives him a look, “Kyoutani didn’t tell you? He asked to join us during the training camp, and the coaches approved it.”

Shigeru’s jaw begins to drop, “oh… really?” He looks back to Kyoutani, who simply shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

“Iwa- _chan_ , where are you?!” Oikawa’s voice calls and Iwaizumi’s face turns pale.

“You okay, Iwaizumi-senpai?” Shigeru asks, suddenly worried.

Iwaizumi gulps, shaking his head. “I have no idea…” He turns away from them, body stiff and he begins to walk towards where they’d heard Oikawa calling.

Kyoutani shifts closer to him as they watch Iwaizumi shuffle away, “what is going on?”

“Iwaizumi-senpai got his TiMER, but I don’t think he wants to be with Oikawa-senpai,” Shigeru answers, frowning at the sight.

“Wait,” Kyoutani grabs Shigeru’s arm as he stares at him in shock, “you mean they’re _not_ already dating?”

Shigeru stares at him again, narrowing his eyes. “Uh… no, no they’re not.”

“But,” Kyoutani waves his hand in Iwaizumi’s direction, “they’re… they’re in love?”

Shigeru sighs, pulling his arm from Kyoutani’s hold. “That’s what we all thought too, but apparently they had no idea until the TiMER - and even now, Iwaizumi-senpai still doesn’t accept it.”

Kyoutani scoffs, “that’s because he’s looking at it in terms of the TiMER. He doesn’t need it to know what he feels.”

Shigeru raises a brow and crosses his arms. “Excuse me, what makes you an expert on love and the TiMER? Last I checked, you’re not even in a committed relationship.”

He glares at Shigeru, lips thinning. “I have you, don’t I?”

His heart races at that. “What…?”

“I know what it’s like to have a soulmate, and quite frankly, I don’t see you any differently than before,” Kyoutani pauses to consider his words, “well… except now I don’t mind being around you, and sometimes we kiss and stuff…”

Shigeru’s body runs cold at that and he feels his face shift to a blank expression. “And what does love have to do with that?”

Kyoutani blinks a few times, looking around the school yard for a second. “It… it doesn’t…?”

“So how do _you_ know what Iwaizumi-senpai and Oikawa-senpai feel for each other when you don’t even know what love is?”

Kyoutani puts his hands up, frowning at him. “Okay, I get it, I’m apparently wrong about them.”

Shigeru crosses his arms and narrows his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you have no idea what love is!”

“Oh shut up, you don’t either!” Kyoutani snaps back and Shigeru feels his body twitch in protest. “I may not know what love is, but I do know that two people who look at each other like those two do are probably in love.”

He knows they’re talking about Oikawa and Iwaizumi, but Shigeru feels a burning sensation behind his eyes. “Whatever, I’ll see you Saturday.” Shigeru turns on his heels and leaves, hurrying home.

Momo crawls into his lap once he’s settled on his bed, and Shigeru reaches down to pet him. He’s not sure what bothers him more - the fact that Kyoutani admits to not feeling love, or that Kyoutani can’t tell that Shigeru is falling for him.

_July 20th, 2017_

_This weekend is going to be terrible when dad meets my soulmate, because I have no idea what Kyoutani will say in front of him..._

———

Kentarou looks up at the house and feels as though he’s in the wrong place. He’s dressed as well as he could get himself - he figured Yahaba’s family dinner would be a “dress your best, but not _too_ nice” event - but he’s not sure if he’s going to fit in.

Does Yahaba have relatives other than his parents? He couldn’t remember talking about siblings, or grandparents that lived in their home. Yahaba only mentioned his parents, and the short time he was in the presence of Yahaba’s mother, he’d gotten the impression of someone who is all business and no fluff.

He looks down at his clothes and thinks maybe he should leave. Yahaba didn’t say he needed to look nice, but maybe Yahaba assumed he knew this. Scowling, he glares up at the house that has Yahaba’s address on it. The gate in front of him has Yahaba’s name on the plaque too, so he knows he’s at the right one. Maybe it’s an average house and he’s only feeling intimidated by it looking nice because Yahaba’s family actually keeps care of the yard and it’s a two story instead of a single story like his own.

Also a fence with a gate and a small fountain in the garden. Kentarou tries to tell himself the yard is too small for the house to be that great. He glares at the sign and the button for an intercom and refuses to use it. Taking a deep breath, he prepares himself for the most awkward night of his life as he takes out his phone to text Yahaba.

A moment later and Yahaba is poking his head out the front door, the look on his face telling him he thinks Kentarou is being strange. Kentarou can’t bring himself to care while he waits for Yahaba to walk to the gate and let him in.

Before he can even walk through to his property, Yahaba has placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “What?”

“Just,” Yahaba discreetly glances back to his house, “don’t say anything… weird to my parents. Especially my dad.”

Kentarou raises a brow. “What do you consider weird?”

“Like… that anything has ever happened between us,” Yahaba mumbles awkwardly, dropping his hand. “I don’t think you would say something like that—”

“Probably not.”

“—but, just in case… my parents can’t know.” Yahaba lets the gate close behind Kentarou and he waves him towards the house. “Anyway, welcome to my house, I guess.”

Kentarou grunts in response, walking to the front door with Yahaba. Once inside, he remembers his manners that he and his father abandoned about a year into it just being the two of them and removes his shoes. Yahaba is watching him, and Kentarou sends him a weird look. He shrugs in answer and then leads Kentarou to a family room where an older man sits with a book.

He looks like Yahaba, only not at the same time. Yahaba gets more of his features from his mother, Kentarou supposes, but it’s clear the two are related when Yahaba steps over to the man. 

“Uh, dad,” he starts awkwardly, “this is Kyoutani Kentarou, my friend.”

Kentarou tries to relax but his body feels too stiff when Yahaba’s father looks him up and down. The book snaps shut before he stands to his full height, taller than both him and Yahaba. “Pleased to meet you, Kyoutani-san - I’m Yahaba Eiji, Shigeru’s father.”

He glances down at the hand he holds out and hesitates for a fraction of a second before reaching out to shake it. “Nice to meet you, Yahaba-san.”

It sounds odd coming from his mouth to be so formal, but Kentarou can see the look of relief on Yahaba’s face from the corner of his eye. Yahaba’s father nods and releases his hold on Kentarou’s hand, turning to tuck the book back onto the shelf behind the chair he had sat in.

Kentarou takes a moment to look around the room, feeling as though he shouldn’t touch anything with how clean it all is. He catches sight of Yahaba giving him a look and he sends him one of confusion - he doesn’t know what Yahaba is trying to say to him.

“Please, sit where you’d like, Kyoutani-san,” his father is saying, and Kentarou almost jumps, looking back to see Yahaba’s father has taken a seat. “Tell me about yourself - are you also on the volleyball team?”

He sits down into one of the chairs and keeps from frowning at how hard it sort of is. “Um, kind of?”

The older man raises his brows in surprise, but not by much. “Kind of? So you’re a benchwarmer like Shigeru.”

Yahaba, from a seat near his father, looks down at his folded hands. Kentarou watches him, trying to think of what to say.

“No, I meant I left the team for a little while,” Kentarou admits, returning his gaze to Yahaba’s father.

His lips thin at this, humming in acknowledgement. “I see; not a team player?”

Kentarou gulps, trying his hardest not to glare. He’s pretty sure his neutral face already looks angry though, so he does his best to not make it worse. “No, I just… had some differences with the third years - especially the captain.”

Yahaba’s father makes a sound of understanding, but Kentarou gets the feeling he’s being looked at like a delinquent. “But the team _is_ how you met Shigeru, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, last year during the first official practice,” Kentarou bobs his head, glancing to Yahaba for a second. “We didn’t really start talking until a few months ago, though, when Watari asked me to join them at lunch.”

“Oh, so it’s Watari-kun that brought you two together?”

Kentarou furrows his brow before forcing himself to keep a neutral expression. He gets the feeling that Yahaba’s father decided prior to Kentarou stepping foot into this house that he didn’t like him. Another glance to Yahaba and he sees the subtle head nod, so he answers with, “yeah, Watari is pretty nice. He needed some help in math and I offered to help them both.”

This seems to catch the man’s attention. “You’re good at math? I know Shigeru has always seemed to struggle with numbers for whatever reason,” and he sees Yahaba’s head bow again in slight shame.

“He’s not terrible at it,” Kentarou begins to defend, “he just thinks about it too much… I think Shigeru just feels it should harder than it actually is and gets wrapped up in the details.”

Yahaba slowly returns his gaze and his face is so genuinely surprised Kentarou can’t help but smile at him.

“Actually, he seems to do that with everything,” Kentarou admits, looking back to Yahaba’s father. “In some subjects that’s a good thing - I don’t really get classical lit, but Shigeru is able to explain it all that I passed my exam this week.”

His father seems to agree, nodding along to Kentarou’s words. “Yes, Shigeru is very detail oriented, I do agree. You’re onto something there, Kyoutani-san.”

Yahaba’s mother enters the room then, her usual business-like smile on her face. “Well gentlemen, dinner is ready if you’d like to join me.”

Kentarou waits for Yahaba’s father to stand before following, coming to stand beside Yahaba himself. He’s sending an appreciative smile to Kentarou, and he cautiously smiles back.

His mother places a hand to his shoulder before he can pass, smiling even wider - he didn’t know someone could smile so big. “It’s good to see you again, Kyoutani-kun.”

He nods to her, trying to smile but it falls flat and he knows it without having to look. “Thank you for inviting me.”

She laughs through her teeth before muttering, “Shigeru invited you, I have no idea why.”

Kentarou’s barely there smile falls completely and he watches her walk ahead. Yahaba is looking back at him, a concerned look on his face.

He has a bad feeling about this dinner.


	10. Chapter Nine

His father doesn’t say anything else once the dinner is served and Shigeru is almost grateful no one seems to want to talk. However, he can tell the air around the dining room is thick with awkward energy, and he catches his mother looking at him with pursed lips from across the way. Shigeru’s hand under the table curls into his pants and he holds onto it to keep it from scratching at his arms. He notices Kyoutani glance down between them at his hand, but is glad when he turns back to his plate without a word.

He can’t remember why he thought it was a good idea to invite Kyoutani to this dinner. It’s clear his father isn’t interested in Kyoutani - maybe he would be if Shigeru told him they were soulmates, but he’s nervous to bring that up now after how his father had looked Kyoutani over in the living room - and his mother seems to be acting as though Kyoutani isn’t there.

Shigeru quietly sighs, making his mother narrow her eyes on him. His father sweeps his eyes over Shigeru before shifting his gaze to Kyoutani and clearing his throat. Shigeru closes his eyes, wishing he had kept from sighing at all.

“Kyoutani-san, what does your parents do for a living?” His father asks and Shigeru glances over to Kyoutani, who’s just stuffed food into his mouth.

Kyoutani looks between Shigeru and his father then, chewing hurriedly to swallow. Shigeru winces, thinking it probably wasn’t easy to swallow when Kyoutani takes a quick drink from the cup his mother had placed in front of him.

He clears his throat and turns back to Shigeru’s father to answer him. “My dad works in construction mostly…”

“Ah, blue collar work then,” his father states, and Shigeru keeps his eyes on the table top. He can see Kyoutani’s hand on the table though, and his grip on his utensil looks to be tightening.

“Yeah, I guess,” Kyoutani grunts, and Shigeru takes in a deep breath in worry, “and… my mom was a teacher for elementary kids.”

Shigeru’s father hums, sounding mildly impressed. “She must be a good mother then,” he says, resuming eating.

Shigeru looks over to Kyoutani and frowns at the way Kyoutani stares down at his food. “Yeah, she was amazing…”

“Was…?”

“His mother passed away three years ago,” Shigeru answers quietly, meeting his father’s gaze, “it was a car accident.”

His father at least looks sad by the news, “I’m sorry to hear that, Kyoutani-san.” Kyoutani just nods in return, pushing the food around his plate. “I suppose I should be grateful my son has enough kindness to welcome you into his life.”

Shigeru’s brows knit together and he glances to Kyoutani, who also looks puzzled. “Dad, what do you mean?”

“It just makes sense that you would befriend someone who’s appearance… _lacks_ civility once you learn about why he chooses to look this way,” his father states, and Shigeru drops his fork, staring at his father in shock.

Kyoutani’s own fork is set down much quieter and he leans back. “Maybe I should leave…”

“No, stay,” Shigeru turns around, grabbing Kyoutani’s arm. He turns back to his father with a frown, “there’s nothing wrong with Kyoutani - don’t blame his loss for why he looks like he does!”

“So every kid is dying their hair ridiculous colors these days?” His father snaps back, glaring at Shigeru. “Are you telling me you’re going to be coming home with outrageous changes in your appearance now that you’re hanging around him?”

“No,” Shigeru shakes his head, “people can look however they want, it doesn’t define them.”

His father’s frown seems to grow, “so what’s the real reason you’re friends with this boy?”

Shigeru hesitates, and he releases his hold on Kyoutani’s arm to grab his pants again. He can feel Kyoutani watching him, and he takes a deep breath. “Because he’s my soulmate, dad…”

His mother quietly puts her own silverware down, taking up her napkin to dab at her lips. She’s avoiding Shigeru’s gaze, and she keeps her eyes away from Shigeru’s father. His father stares down at Shigeru unflinchingly.

“Did you know this, Yumi?” His father asks quietly, and his mother sits a little straighter.

“Since the hospital - they weren’t exactly trying to hide it there,” she replies, and her tone is sharp.

His father hums, narrowing his eyes. “Shigeru, what did we tell you?”

Shigeru shivers, the icy words bearing down on him. “I… I’m sorry…”

“That’s not the answer you should be giving me,” his father replies, gesturing to Kyoutani. “Are you seeing him?”

“No!” Shigeru shakes his head frantically, “we’re just friends! Nothing’s ever—”

“And now you’re lying to me?” His father hisses, reaching behind him to the shelf full of his mother’s figurines. Shigeru’s whole body freezes, and he finds it hard to breathe when he sees his father pull a familiar book from between two of the glass dancers. He drops the book onto the table and Shigeru gapes at it with wide eyes.

“Dad…”

“You’ve been writing in this journal since you had therapy, and it seemed to be helping,” his father scowls, “but now you’re going against what we’ve asked you _and_ keeping secrets from us?”

“Dad, that’s private,” Shigeru whispers, and he sees out of the corner of his eye Kyoutani looking between him and the book.

His father scoffs, “Shigeru, we told you what we expect from you, and being with another _man_ is the opposite of what we expect.”

Shigeru shudders at his words, and now that he knows what’s written in there, Shigeru can tell his father was simply waiting for the truth to come out. His fingers twitch and he can feel his nails dig into his arm, but he doesn’t register the pain.

His mother shakes her head at him, lips pursed. “Knock that off, don’t turn this into your shame again.”

“How dare you get a male for a soulmate?” His father mutters, disgust in his voice, “you were supposed to be with a woman.”

Shigeru’s shivering now, and the scratching isn’t helping him stop like it used to.

“How are you supposed to find a wife now that you wasted your soulmate on some punk?” His mother continues, her voice harsh and Shigeru isn’t sure he’s breathing.

Kyoutani stands, chair crashing into the wall, slamming his hands onto the table, stopping Shigeru’s parents from continuing. Shigeru jumps, his hand stopping in it’s attempt to cut open his skin.

“What the _fuck_?!” Kyoutani shouts, glaring at Shigeru’s parents. “This whole thing is fucked up! What kind of parents are you?!” Shigeru flinches, worried his parents will throw Kyoutani out now. “Your son is making himself _bleed_ in front of you and you’re just sitting there telling him his choices are a disgrace?” Kyoutani grabs Shigeru’s hand, pulling it away from his arm and he’s right, there’s blood under his nails. “Not only that, you’re blaming him for something he can’t control! Like as if he chose to be with me!

“As his parents, the only things you should worry about are whether or not he knows right from wrong and whether or not he’s happy!” Kyoutani points at Shigeru then, “does he look happy to you?!

“And for your information, we’re _not_ dating like you seem to think, so if this is about some future bitch wife and bratty kids, then he can have them! But you can’t tell him he can’t see me anymore because _I’m not abandoning my soulmate!_ ”

The silence after his outburst is deafening. Shigeru’s ears are ringing as he stares up at Kyoutani, and a warmth fills his belly at the declaration. It seems as though everything has frozen, like as if no one can move, but he can see Kyoutani’s chest rise and fall from his labored breathing from shouting before he shifts, looking down at Shigeru with the most genuine concern he’s ever seen.

Shigeru’s eyes burn and he wants to smile at Kyoutani, but his father is suddenly standing himself. Shigeru closes his eyes, knowing that the blissful moment of silence has ended.

“Get out,” his father snaps from behind clenched teeth, “never come back.”

Kyoutani doesn’t move. “I’m not leaving Shigeru,” he says in return, his hold on Shigeru’s hand firm.

“Yes, you are,” his father’s voice is calm, but there’s fire behind it before he moves around the table, grabbing Kyoutani by his bicep and pulling him from the room. Kyoutani almost fights back, but he drops his hold on Shigeru’s hand before he can start pulling on it when Shigeru shakes his head at him. “Now get out of my home - you’re no longer welcomed here.”

“Was I ever?” Kyoutani growls back, turning to Shigeru with worry when Shigeru’s father starts to push him from the room.

He hears the door slam, Kyoutani’s voice grumbling the whole way about how he couldn’t stop Kyoutani from seeing Shigeru. Shigeru feels numb, drained of all good will before turning to his mother across the table from him.

She’s watching him cautiously, glancing down to his bleeding arm. It’s not bleeding terribly, but it’s also something of concern. “Clean that up and get to bed. We’ll be talking in the morning about this once we’ve all taken a moment to calm down.”

Shigeru doesn’t move immediately, hearing from the other room his father knock something over. He waits for the sound of whatever it is breaking, but he knows his father would never throw something that could break. When he determines it won’t ever come, Shigeru slowly stands and shuffles from the dining room to clean his arm.

“Shigeru,” he hears her start, and he stops in the archway. He turns to look back at her, the cold settling in his body. “I understand why, but I can’t comprehend how you thought this would go differently.”

He doesn’t answer her, just continues out the room and up the stairs. He also isn’t sure what he was expecting anymore.

———

Kentarou glares at the house from the corner, waiting for any of the windows to light up. He glances to his phone to check for messages. His father had called and asked how it went and he told him he’d explain it later, to which he was asked if he was staying the night. Kentarou hadn’t known how to respond and just told his father he’d see him tomorrow before hanging up.

 **to Yahabaka**  
[20:32] r u ok?

 **from Yahabaka**  
[20:45] no

 **to Yahabaka**  
[20:45] im sorry  
[20:50] please answer

It’s almost nine o’clock now and he still hasn’t received an answer. Kentarou stares up at the house just as a light clicks on in one of the rooms, but he can’t see much beyond the blinds.

“Come on,” he grumbles, turning to look at his phone.

 **to Yahabaka**  
[21:00] look outside

He snaps his attention back to the window and waits, holding his breath. It takes a moment, and he thinks maybe he’s wrong when nothing happens, but then he sees the silhouette of someone looking around the blinds to peek into the yard. Kentarou starts forward from the two trees he hid behind, hurrying over when the figure retreats.

 **from Yahabaka**  
[21:04] are you still here?

Kentarou doesn’t respond to the text, pocketing his phone and running to jump up onto the brick wall of a fence, pulling himself over into the small side yard. Staying low in the darkness, he glances around until he’s sure no one saw him. None of the lights on the first floor come on, so he moves hunched over to the side of the house under Yahaba’s window.

Looking up at it, he winces. He’s not sure he can get up there, but a quick look around has him finding a drain pipe, anchored to the corner of the house with thick, metal rungs. Kentarou moves over to them, testing his weight on the lower ones before he starts to pull himself up.

He feels his phone vibrate again, and he knows it’s Yahaba but he can’t check it now as he climbs up to the window. Once he’s level with it, he checks his surroundings and finds he can’t reach the window.

Muttering a curse under his breath, Kentarou looks around again until he notices there’s a slight ledge about the size of the ball of his foot on the little overhang roof under Yahaba’s window. Grunting, Kentarou does his best to swing one foot over while holding himself against the drain pipe, hopeful it won’t snap under his weight.

He finally gets his foot over, and with some effort, he’s able to get his whole body over, hugging the siding of the house. Kentarou huffs, willing himself to not look down before shuffling over inch by inch until his hands grab hold of Yahaba’s window sill. He pulls himself over, peeking into the window and through the breaks of the blinds, he sees Yahaba sitting on his bed petting the little kitten Kentarou remembers helping from the tree.

The door is shut on the other side of the room it looks like, and Kentarou breathes easy at that. Certain he won’t fall, Kentarou knocks his knuckles quietly against the glass.

Yahaba jumps from within, and the kitten suddenly runs. It’s slightly bigger than he remembers, but animals do grow fast. Kentarou focuses on Yahaba, who spins around to look at his window. He’s hesitating, and Kentarou wishes he’d hurry up, because he thinks his foot is going to slip soon.

The blinds are opened and Yahaba gawks at him before hurrying closer, unlatching the window and - thankfully - pushing it open to the side. “Kyoutani…?”

“Move,” he grunts, and Yahaba shifts to the side before Kentarou dives in, rolling on the bed to keep his shoes from hitting the cotton sheets. He hears the window shut behind him and he glances around the room.

It’s nicer than his - much cleaner at least - and his bed is properly made. The room is in various hues of blue with some hints of purple, but Kentarou thinks it’s rather boring without any pictures or posters.

“How did you…?” Yahaba asks softly and Kentarou looks back at him. He tries not to look at the gauze on Yahaba’s arm and focuses instead on his puzzled face. “Did you climb up the side of my house?”

“Yeah,” Kentarou grunts, moving to unlace his shoes, kicking them off soon after. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Yahaba’s cheeks turn pink at that and he avoids Kentarou’s eyes. “I’m fine… I’m sorry you had to see that - I shouldn’t have invited you.”

Kentarou frowns, glancing to the door. He sees there’s a lock and moves over to ensure it’s locked in place before returning to the bed. “Don’t apologise - it doesn’t suit you,” he mutters, and Yahaba’s face crumbles when he reaches forward, pulling Yahaba into his arms.

He still can’t believe what had happened. He was getting the feeling that Yahaba had strict parents based on the way he talked about them, and the way Watari seemed to dislike them - _Watari_ , the guy who thinks everyone is great. Really, he shouldn’t have been shocked when it happened based on Watari’s feelings alone, but what should have tipped him off before even entering the house was Yahaba’s anxiety and scratching habit.

Rubbing at Yahaba’s back, Kyoutani glares over to the door. “Have they always been like that?”

Yahaba hiccups, his twisting in the negative against Kyoutani’s neck. “N-no, they… they used to only care about my grades when I got into junior high. My future… all that ever mattered after that was my future,” Yahaba hiccups again, “a-and then I got the TiMER and… suddenly they only,” another hiccup, “c-cared about my future family…”

Kentarou scowls, shifting on the bed to pull Yahaba closer. “They hate me because I don’t fit their idea of your ‘perfect future’...” He tightens his hold when Yahaba nods and doesn’t say anything else. “... are you happy?”

“N-no…”

“Not even with me?”

Yahaba pulls back, sniffling. His hair is a little messy, something he thought he’d never see from Yahaba (unless it was after he ran his fingers through the soft locks of hair when they were making out). The tears in his eyes add a shine to them Kentarou hasn’t really seen before and the tears staining his blotchy red cheeks are hard to look at. He reaches forward, wiping away the tears with his thumb before Yahaba shakes his head with a hiccup.

“No, I… I’m happy when I’m with you…” Yahaba murmurs, avoiding his gaze as more tears roll, replacing the ones Kentarou wiped away.

Kentarou shifts closer, “then I’m not leaving you,” is all he says before he kisses Yahaba as sweetly as he can. Yahaba moves to deepen the kiss, but Kentarou pulls away. He hiccups again with a look of confusion, and Kentarou smiles at how cute it sounds. “No, for right now, you should try to relax. You’ve had a rough night,” he whispers, brushing Yahaba’s bangs from his eyes.

Yahaba blinks at him a few times rapidly, but his face becomes resigned before moving back to leaning into Kentarou’s hold.

Kentarou reclines back, pulling Yahaba against him to cuddle, making sure to rub at his arms and back to soothe him. Yahaba presses his face to Kentarou’s cheek, kissing it once before settling against him.

They lay in silence for a moment, and Yahaba’s hiccups subside when the little kitten joining them soon after. “Who’s this?”

“Momo, stupid,” Yahaba grumbles, reaching up to pet the kitten on Kentarou’s stomach. “You named him, remember?”

Kentarou stares at the orange ball of fur that has curled up on his stomach. “Oh… you actually used that name?”

Yahaba nods, and Kentarou removes his hand from around Yahaba to pet the kitten. It licks at his palm, the rough feeling of his tongue tickling his skin. “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t going to use it…”

He hums once in response, petting Momo’s soft fur. It suits the kitten, and he feels partially responsible for the little creature now that he knows he named him. Momo nuzzles into his hand, jumping away to the floor when Yahaba shifts a little. He’s a skittish kitten, that much is obvious.

“I think he remembers you,” Yahaba mumbles, his breath tickling Kentarou’s neck. He shivers at the feeling, and Yahaba shifts to kiss at the spot his breath tickled. “Are you sensitive here?”

Kentarou tries to shrug, but Yahaba’s laying on top of his arm. “Not really…” Yahaba huffs a laugh before biting down on the spot, making Kentarou hold back a groan. “Your parents,” he whispers, and Yahaba shakes his head, pulling away from his ministrations with a pop.

“Their room is on the other side of the house, so just try not be loud,” Yahaba whispers, voice sultry and Kentarou shivers at the sound before Yahaba kisses him.

It’s soft and sweet and exactly what Yahaba needs after what happened, but Kentarou rolls over to hover above him. Yahaba groans under him into the kiss, and Kentarou deepens it with a shove of his tongue.

“ _More_ ,” Yahaba whispers when Kentarou pulls away for a second, and he doesn’t wait before moving back down, kissing Yahaba deeply and with a heat he’d been trying to hold back.

In the back of his mind, he hears his conscious tell him that this isn’t what they should be doing - he understands that Yahaba is hurt and acting on impulse, but he can’t seem to back down. Yahaba hadn’t been physical with him for the last month, and while Kentarou thought that he was fine with it, now that he’s able to touch Yahaba again, he feels all the frustration pouring out of him and he can’t seem to stop.

He likes to think he could if Yahaba asked him, but there’s a small part of him that fears he won’t if it gets to that point.

Yahaba however doesn’t seem to want to stop, his hands pulling at Kentarou’s shirt and groping him in ways he hadn’t really done before. Kentarou pulls back, the smack of their lips parting loud in the quiet room. Yahaba pants under him, taking this as chance to pull Kentarou’s shirt off.

“W-wait,” he breathes, grabbing Yahaba’s hands. His shirt falls back down his body, and Kentarou takes a deep breath. “Are you sure…?”

“ _God yes_ ,” Yahaba quietly moans and Kentarou gulps. Yahaba sends him a look, “wait… don’t you…?”

Kentarou grabs his shirt then, pulling it off his body and tossing it to the floor. “Only if you want me to.”

Yahaba nods, reaching up to run his hands down Kentarou’s chest. “I really do…”

“Then,” Kentarou starts, reaching down and pulling away Yahaba’s shirt as well with some struggle, “tonight, it’s about you…”

Before Yahaba can say anything, Kentarou leans down to kiss at his chest, sucking and licking along the skin. Yahaba gasps before smacking his hand over his mouth, the other hand reaching up to dig into Kentarou’s hair.

The small sounds coming from Yahaba, muffled or otherwise, encourage Kentarou on, and he moves lower down Yahaba’s body as he kisses and licks at random spots. Occasionally he leaves marks, but they’re not dark enough to remain there for too long. Yahaba rolls his body up to meet Kentarou’s lips the further down he goes, and Kentarou stops when he meets the start of Yahaba’s pants. He glances up, noticing that Yahaba is breathing hard under his hand, and the way his eyes are watching Kentarou tells him he can continue. Slowly, he moves his hands from their holds on Yahaba’s sides down to the button of his pants, undoing them while keeping his eyes on Yahaba’s face.

Yahaba groans under his hand, squirming to get his hips up as though he can help undo the zipper fast if he wiggles them. Kentarou smirks, deciding to go as slow as possible.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Yahaba mutters, voice slightly muffled by his hand and Kentarou chuckles, “you’re the _worst_...” Kentarou shakes his head at the hissed words, looking down to check his work before pulling down suddenly, taking Yahaba’s underwear with his pants.

Yahaba’s gasp is a wonderful sound when Kentarou drops down, and when he shifts to begin what he thinks will feel good, he can’t help but grin around his full mouth when Yahaba has trouble holding back his moan.

Kentarou looks up to watch Yahaba, who thrashes to the side, both hands over his mouth to keep his voice down. His eyes are shut tight and Kentarou continues his movements, hopeful he’ll hear something again - but also hopeful that if he does it will be quiet.

Yahaba’s entire body is shaking the longer he takes and he wonders about whether Yahaba has anything that could work as lubricant when a knock comes to the door. He freezes at the tip, and Yahaba’s eyes fly open.

“Shigeru, get to bed! Just because you’re on break doesn’t mean you can stay up all night!” Yahaba’s mother’s voice calls through the door, and the handle jiggles.

Kentarou pulls away, careful his mouth won’t make a sound as he moves to stand up from the bed. He’s so glad he locked the door, and Yahaba is staring up at him in horror from the bed. “Uh - okay, mom!”

“Why is the door locked?!”

“I—” Yahaba stands up, hurrying to his dresser and pointing to the closet. Kentarou looks down and grabs the discarded clothing, jumping inside. Before he closes the door, he looks back and sees that Yahaba has pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt. “I was getting changed for bed!”

He hears the door click open and Kentarou quietly puts his hand to his mouth to keep from breathing loudly.

“You don’t need to lock the door, Shigeru,” his mother says, stepping into the room. Kentarou’s eyes widen when he sees her through the slots of the door, and he steps back. Luckily, Yahaba’s closet is clean and there’s nothing he can accidentally step on. “But I can understand why you would… what were you thinking tonight, Shigeru?”

“I’m sorry,” Yahaba murmurs, and Kentarou scowls at hearing him apologise. “But mom, I’m not going to stop seeing him—”

“We’ll discuss it in the morning,” she says, and the way she pronounces the words feels cutting, final. “Get to bed for now.”

“Mom,” Yahaba tries, his voice sounding a little desperate, “mom, I’ll tell Kyoutani we have to stop everything, but… he’s not wrong. We’re friends - _soulmates_. I can’t leave him.”

She sighs, and Kentarou looks down to his feet in the darkness, careful to not drop the bundle of clothes. He appreciates that Yahaba is still fighting this - he was afraid he’d give in to his parents.

“Shigeru… this isn’t a good thing. He’s using you for sex,” Kentarou snaps his head up, glaring through the slits to the woman. “If you really think there’s any chance of stopping this… _thing_ you have with him, then try. But if you can’t, we will make sure you never see him again.”

Yahaba starts to say something, but his voice cuts off before a word is formed. “I… I understand…”

“Get to bed,” she says, and Kentarou sees her move forward to her son, the sound of her kissing his forehead reaching him in the closet. “Goodnight, Shigeru. You know we do this because we love you.”

“I… I know... goodnight, mom…” The door softly closes behind her and Kentarou waits, dropping his hand from his mouth. He stares at the clothes, feeling a burning in his nose after what he just heard.

Yahaba quietly pulls the closet open, looking at Kentarou with the most broken expression. “I…”

“I’m not using you,” Kentarou snarls through his teeth, his voice quiet. “I would never use you.”

Yahaba attempts a smile and Kentarou moves forward, dropping the clothes in a heap. He kisses Yahaba, soft and sweet, and Yahaba hums in his throat at the feeling. Kentarou moves his hands up, caressing Yahaba’s cheeks to hold him close, dropping one to rub at his shoulder.

“Even if they do care, this isn’t the way to show it,” he murmurs, putting his forehead against Yahaba’s. His hand moves down to lightly hold the bandaged part of his arm, gently running his fingers over the gauze. “No parent should ever ignore their child when they’re hurting like this.”

Yahaba’s eyes remain downcast, his lashes keeping Kentarou from seeing them clearly. “Ken… I don’t want to leave you…”

“Then don’t,” Kentarou answers, swiping his thumb gently over Yahaba’s cheek. “Because I’m staying by your side for as long as you want me.”

His lashes flutter before he looks into Kentarou’s eyes and he sees new tears welling in the corners. “I… I can keep quiet…” Yahaba’s eyes look to the side and his head dips down, as though he’s glancing behind him. “I have what we need - if you can keep quiet too…”

Kentarou furrows his brow, wondering what Yahaba is getting at when he realizes what he’s saying. “No, Shigeru… your first time should be special, not after you’ve been crying…”

Yahaba turns his gaze back to Kentarou’s and he frowns. “But you are special.”

“Shigeru, not tonight,” Kentarou whispers, and he kisses him quick. “I’m not leaving you tonight, and I’ll make you feel good and ensure you sleep well, but for right now… just wait until we’re somewhere else. Somewhere you don’t have to worry about your voice.”

Yahaba bites at his lip, and Kentarou watches his teeth dig into his bottom lip. He pushes his thumb into Yahaba’s mouth, pulling his lip out to keep him from ripping dead skin away. “Okay,” Yahaba murmurs, and Kentarou runs his thumb over Yahaba’s lip. “Okay, just… make me feel good…”

Kentarou nods, reaching over to turn off the overhead light by the switch. The room becomes mostly dark, save for the light from the street shining through the partially open blinds, and he reaches down to hoist Yahaba up, his legs automatically locking around his hips. Kentarou stops before they leave the door, and Yahaba reaches down to lock the handle. Kentarou looks up at him, their eyes locked as he carries Yahaba to the bed.

The way Yahaba sprawls across the bed is beautiful, and Kentarou stops a moment to sweep his gaze over him. He’s wearing clothes again, sure, but Kentarou feels just as attracted to him as he did when he was naked just a few minutes ago. Yahaba shifts a little, the orange light from the street giving him an interesting shadow and highlighting his features wonderfully.

He sweeps his leg up onto the bed, coming to rest over Yahaba’s form and he keeps his eyes locked with Yahaba’s. He’s smiling up at Kentarou, but it’s faint and not fully there. Kentarou is glad he’s convinced Yahaba to wait - he wants Yahaba to laugh with him through the awkwardness of figuring out their bodies, to smile without fear and to voice his enjoyment of the feeling when they share their first time. Kentarou can’t bring himself to feel any pleasure when Yahaba still looks like he’ll burst into tears.

So he leans down and kisses Yahaba sweetly, no tongue sweeping forward and no frantic, hurried movements trying to chase after a pleasure he desires. He caresses Yahaba’s face, and runs his hands down Yahaba’s chest and sides softly, not trying to elicit moans from him now. Yahaba hums at the feelings, a sweet and soft sound that makes him want to smile. Kentarou moves down to his neck, gently kissing and nuzzling the soft skin.

Yahaba arches his body into Kentarou’s and he rubs his fingers soothingly into Yahaba’s lower back. Yahaba reaches up and around, holding himself against Kentarou and his body quivers under him. Kentarou knows Yahaba wants him to touch him again, to go down on him once more, but Kentarou isn’t sure if he should. He keeps his fingers above the waistband of Yahaba’s sweatpants, but he gently pulls his fingers up and down the creamy skin of Yahaba’s back.

“Ken,” Yahaba whimpers into his ear and Kentarou hums in response, “please…”

He sighs, kissing Yahaba’s neck and mouthing at his ear. “Is this what you need…?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Yahaba whispers and his body shivers when Kentarou nips at his ear. “ _Please_...”

“Okay,” Kentarou murmurs, slowly moving his hands against Yahaba’s skin and pushing at the sweatpants until his hands are under the fabric. Yahaba’s body rocks up against him when Kentarou runs his fingers over Yahaba’s firm backside, but Kentarou doesn't keep his hands there. He moves one around from under the sweatpants, continuing his ministrations to Yahaba’s neck.

Yahaba breathes heavy against his neck as well, gasping when Kentarou grabs hold of him. He’s still hard, and Kentarou begins to move his fingers around Yahaba’s shaft. Yahaba latches his mouth onto Kentarou’s neck, moaning into his skin there.

Kentarou hears him panting and moaning a bit too loudly, so he pulls his mouth away from Yahaba’s neck to kiss his lips, drowning the sounds with his heavy kissing. Yahaba is squirming in his hold, grunting and moaning at the motions of Kentarou’s hand, and his hips move to try to gain a secondary friction.

He feels Yahaba rut against him suddenly, and Kentarou jerks his own hips forward. He winces, pulling away from their kiss to groan. Kentarou means for this to only be about Yahaba, but after that feeling against his own arousal… He pulls other hand from Yahaba’s ass, pulling down his pants while continuing to rub Yahaba’s erection. Yahaba shivers at the cool air of the room, and Kentarou quickly pulls his own pants down, bringing himself flush against Yahaba.

Kentarou quickly covers Yahaba’s mouth with his own again, trying to keep from moaning out loud, and luckily he keeps Yahaba’s voice from calling out as well. Yahaba’s fingers dig into his back and Kentarou winces - Yahaba should really cut his nails - but he pushes forward, rubbing them together in his hand.

Yahaba is grunting with him now, moaning when Kentarou shifts his hand slightly around Yahaba’s member rather than his own. Kentarou shudders when Yahaba suddenly brings his own hand down to join him, and he does his best to swallow both their moans.

He can’t breathe as he comes close to his climax, pulling away and grunting as quietly as he can. Kentarou opens his eyes to watch Yahaba, who’s biting his lip to keep from moaning aloud.

“ _Oh_ ,” Yahaba groans softly, his mouth falling open and the way he throws his head back is amazing to watch. Kentarou clenches his jaw to keep what he knows is going to be an awfully loud noise down, and he feels his release before Yahaba reaches his own.

“ _Fuck, Shigeru_ ,” he moans as quietly as he can, keeping his hand moving when Yahaba arches into him.

Yahaba whispers something against his lips, and Kentarou freezes before he can kiss him, shocked. Yahaba surges forward to kiss him when Kentarou doesn’t meet him, and warmth fills Kentarou’s hand while Yahaba groans as silently as possible into his mouth.

Kentarou sits up, panting heavily when Yahaba falls back onto his bed. The mess they made is all over Yahaba’s stomach, but luckily Kentarou had, at some point, pushed Yahaba’s shirt up to his chest. He gulps at the sight, looking to the bedside table and finding tissues. Trying to catch his breath, Kentarou reaches for the box and pulls out a few, wiping away the mess as best as he can.

Yahaba squirms at the touch. “Ken…” He turns his gaze back to Yahaba’s face, and he sees the lazy smile on his lips. “Are you staying the night?”

Kentarou nods, tossing the tissues to the trashcan he sees on the other side of the room. It almost misses, but luckily the wad lands inside perfectly silent. “I’ll stay for as long as I can,” he murmurs, coming to lay beside Yahaba and pulling him close.

Yahaba hums, closing his eyes. “Thank you…”

“Did you mean it?” Kentarou asks, and Yahaba doesn’t move. “Shigeru?”

Yahaba turns his head up to look at him, clear confusion on his face. “Mean what…? What I said to my mom?” Kentarou doesn’t move, staring at Yahaba with a furrowed brow. “Not the part about stopping this, if that’s what you’re asking…”

Kentarou just nods, but that’s not what he was asking about. Maybe Yahaba doesn’t realize he said it, but he decides to not address it for now. Yahaba smiles and kisses him softly before relaxing against his chest.

Kentarou stares up at the ceiling, his fingers gently running up and down Yahaba’s back until he feels the other fall asleep. Sighing, Kentarou closes his eyes and begins to worry about what it means.

“ _I love you_ ,” is echoing in Kentarou’s mind, the only words Yahaba said while he was touching him. Kentarou can’t believe it, and maybe he misheard, but he knows by the swell of emotions he felt in that moment that he wants it to be true.


	11. Chapter Ten

His arm is numb, that’s all Kentarou can think to focus on as he begins to awaken. His legs stretch out the length of the bed in an attempt to knock away how tired he feels, but his knees brush against something that feels like another set of knees.

Kentarou groans in his throat, rolling to his side towards the warmth there, throwing his arm over the source and pulling it even closer. The shift of weight on his other arm sends pins and needles through the limb making him hiss at the feeling, and the warmth - it’s a body, he’s slowly figuring this out - shifts in his hold.

He only knows of one person who he could possibly be waking up next to, so Kentarou forces his still asleep arm to move up and hold tight onto Yahaba’s form, hugging him even closer. Yahaba wiggles a little, whining under his breath as he attempts to squirm away from him.

“Ken, stop…” Yahaba mumbles, and his hand is pressing against Kentarou’s face to push him back. “I can’t breathe if you shove my face into your chest…”

Kentarou loosens his hold, letting Yahaba roll onto his back. However, that’s as far as he’ll let him go, and Kentarou shifts himself forward to nuzzle into Yahaba’s soft hair, squeezing him again and yawning briefly.

Yahaba yawns with him, and Kentarou tightens his embrace on Yahaba’s side when he realizes he’s trying to pull away. “Oh my god, seriously…?” Yahaba grunts, finally giving up. “Who knew you liked to cuddle?” His voice is quiet, but he’s completely monotone and Kentarou grins.

Instead of answering him, Kentarou pushes himself up and over Yahaba, finally opening his eyes to look down at him. “Good morning,” he whispers, and before Yahaba can even open his mouth to answer, Kentarou leans down and kisses him.

He can’t keep his smile from growing when Yahaba reaches up to wrap his arms around his neck, but he does fight the moan in his throat when Yahaba takes advantage of his open lips and pushes his tongue up into Kentarou’s mouth. Kentarou feels himself being pushed over and he lets himself roll back with a grunt, watching Yahaba switch himself up and over Kentarou’s body. Before he can say anything, Yahaba rushes forward and kisses him hard.

Yahaba’s hands pull down his arms and Kentarou hums a moan when they finally shift to groping his chest. Yahaba chuckles a little, keeping his lips close to Kentarou’s before tilting his head the other way, gaining further access to Kentarou’s mouth. In the meantime, Kentarou focuses on his own hands and the feeling of Yahaba’s smooth skin when he reaches up and under the slightly baggy shirt Yahaba wore to bed.

Pulling Yahaba’s tongue into his mouth, Kentarou smirks before reaching further up his shirt, his thumb running over Yahaba’s chest - and in turn, his nipple, which gains the reaction he’d been hoping for. Yahaba shudders at the feeling, his body nearly falling on top of Kentarou’s and, with his tongue being sucked on, his slightly open mouth lets the small, pleasurable moan escape his lips. Releasing Yahaba’s tongue, Kentarou grins up at him and Yahaba narrows his eyes.

“Don’t—” he doesn't let Yahaba finish his sentence. Instead he pinches at the nipple, making Yahaba drop further onto Kentarou, his head falling to bite Kentarou’s collarbone in order to keep from making a sound. Kentarou snickers, and a guttural moan comes from Yahaba when Kentarou’s other sneaking hand moves down and around, shoving itself into Yahaba’s sweatpants to squeeze his bare cheek.

Kentarou tries not to laugh when Yahaba seems to pull away only to drop down again when Kentarou’s fingers shift over the now hard nub or shift on Yahaba’s firm backside. However, the third time he tries it, Yahaba instead dips his head down further from his collarbone to suck on Kentarou’s nipple instead.

He has to bite his lip to keep from groaning, and Kentarou’s face burns when he realizes they were both sensitive there. ‘ _Damn_ ,’ he thinks, ‘I just wanted it to be him!’

Yahaba brushes his tongue over Kentarou’s hardening nipple and he does his best to not buck up into Yahaba in response. He pulls away to send an evil grin to Kentarou, and he does his best to glare despite how red his face must be.

“Someone’s got very sensitive nipples,” Yahaba murmurs, slowly shifting his weight over Kentarou until his face is hovering above his. “You’re full of surprises this morning, Kentarou-kun.”

“Fuck off,” Kentarou grunts, and the hand he still has in Yahaba’s pants pinches his butt, making Yahaba jump a little.

Narrowing his eyes, Yahaba purses his lips to send him a haughty glare. “Stop groping my ass,” he quietly hisses through his teeth, and Kentarou responds with another squeeze.

“Can’t help it, it’s a nice ass,” Kentarou grumbles, punctuating the statement with yet another squeeze.

Yahaba looks ready to tell him off when a knock comes to the door. “Shigeru, you can’t sleep all day just because it’s break!” His mother calls, and just as last night, the handle jiggles.

Kentarou glares at the door before looking up to Yahaba, who rolls his eyes in annoyance. “I’m getting dressed, mom!”

“Stop locking this door, honestly!” She responds, and the handle jiggles further. “Open this door!”

Yahaba’s already pulling himself from the bed, gesturing to the closet. Kentarou silently sighs, pushing himself up and shuffling over to the closet, lightly kicking the discarded clothes in before closing the door.

The door to the bedroom opens after and he pushes himself into the back of the closet in case she can see through the slits. He leans against the wall, waiting to hear what the woman has to say this time.

“Shigeru, why do you keep locking your door?” She asks him, and he feels anger bubble in his stomach when he remembers Yahaba’s mother had accused him of only wanting him for sex. Kentarou scowls, tightening his hold on his crossed arms.

“I do like privacy, mom,” Yahaba replies, his voice holding an air of a mocking tone, “you know, unlike dad who reads people’s journals without permission.”

Kentarou smirks at that, shaking his head. “He only did that to better understand you,” she defends and Kentarou’s smile falls back to the scowl.

“You know what else he could do?” Yahaba asks, not backing down, “ _actually ask me_.”

Yahaba’s mother heaves a sigh, and Kentarou fights the urge to open the closet door to back Yahaba up. “Sweetheart, I promise you that we only mean well.”

“Except you don’t actually listen to me,” Yahaba argues, “I’ve never gotten the chance to even really figure out what I want in life because you both tell me what it is I want! You’ve never tried to understand me or get to know me, you just… made me into someone you wish I was!”

Silence meets his statement, and Kentarou pushes forward to peek out of the slots. He can’t see much, but Yahaba’s mother looks to be gaping at her son.

“Kentarou was right - I’m _not_ happy, and I haven’t been since junior high,” Yahaba shakes his head, “how can you both possibly think any of this is okay when I’m not even happy?”

“We just—”

“Want what’s best for me,” he cuts her off, “but do you even know how I feel?”

She doesn’t answer, and Kentarou holds his breath waiting for something more to happen. Yahaba waits a few beats before shutting the door, locking it back in place. Kentarou steps back, a small part of him almost sad for Yahaba’s mother, the rest of him screaming that she deserves it.

Yahaba opens the closet door a minute later and Kentarou stares at him. He looks determined about something, but Kentarou wonders if he’s trying to cover up how hurt he must be. Kentarou doesn’t have a mother, but he knows if she were still around he’d have a better relationship with her than Yahaba does his. He would feel guilty about that, but the fact is he doesn’t have a mother to relate to Yahaba here.

He moves to hold Yahaba’s hand, but Yahaba shoves him back into the closet, grabbing his shoulders to steady him and suddenly they’re kissing - it’s not sweet at all and Kentarou thinks his tooth might have cut his lip from how hard Yahaba presses forward.

Kentarou responds as quickly as he can, licking his way into Yahaba’s mouth when he does fall back into the wall of the closet, Yahaba’s hands pressing into the skin of his chest. He bites Yahaba’s lips and Yahaba, for once, bites back. Kentarou feels himself being pushed down, and instead of fighting it, he pulls Yahaba with him to the floor of the closet. Yahaba shifts, pushing him into the corner and coming to rest in Kentarou’s lap, knees on either side of his hips. Kentarou holds back a groan when Yahaba’s fingers graze over his chest and, in particular, his nipples.

With the way Yahaba’s body is rocking into him, Kentarou gets the message and hoists Yahaba up to kneeling instead of sitting, pulling at the waistband of his sweatpants. Yahaba, from above him, crowds him into the corner and Kentarou doesn’t hesitate in putting his lips around Yahaba’s erection once again.

Yahaba’s body convulses at the feeling, and he’s panting heavily above Kentarou’s head, his breathing making Kentarou’s own body heat up. He closes his eyes, working his mouth in ways that gets Yahaba squeaking out little noises he’s clearly trying to hold back.

“S-stop,” Yahaba manages to pant - thankfully quietly - and Kentarou pulls off immediately. He looks up to Yahaba only to see he’s holding himself against the wall and his face is pressed against his forearms. However, he also sees that his skin is burning red. “ _Oh my god_ ,” he whimpers from his throat and Kentarou just stares.

“Sorry,” he mutters, and Yahaba pulls back to look down at him. “Probably shouldn’t do that with your mom around, huh?”

Yahaba scoffs, shifting to land in Kentarou’s lap suddenly. “It’s fine, I waited for her to walk away before opening the closet…” He glares over his shoulder before refocusing on Kentarou. “I just wanted to kiss you, I wasn’t expecting… _that_.”

Kentarou smirks at how red Yahaba gets when he says it. “I could finish for you,” he places his hand on Yahaba’s stomach, and Yahaba stares down at how close Kentarou’s hand is. “But only if you want…”

“I…” Yahaba bites his lip, and Kentarou leans forward to kiss him once, forcing Yahaba to release his lip from under his teeth. Yahaba focuses his attention on Kentarou, expression unsure. “Thanks, but… not right now. I have to go talk to them.”

Kentarou frowns, shifting to pull Yahaba’s sweatpants back up before settling his hands on his hips. “I should probably leave then…?”

Yahaba’s eyes look down at this, and he picks at a spot of the carpet. “Yeah… but how are you leaving?”

“Same way I got up,” Kentarou grunts, moving only to displace Yahaba from his lap. It was an awkward way to sit anyway, and he pulls Yahaba up before bending to grab his discarded shirt. He shakes it out to pull it back on, but stops when he sees Yahaba’s downcast expression. “... you okay?”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Yahaba admits, pulling his eyes up to look at Kentarou’s face. “Can’t I just… keep you in my room?”

Kentarou huffs a laugh as he pulls his shirt over his head, grabbing Yahaba into a hug once it’s on. “I’m not some dog you can just keep.”

“But Mad Dog-chan,” Yahaba says, his voice mocking as though he’s imitating someone, “you’re all bark and no bite, just like a puppy!”

He frowns, narrowing his eyes. “Why the hell would you bring up Oikawa like that?”

Yahaba laughs, shrugging, “he does call you a dog.” He starts to giggle and it’s so cute Kentarou has to pull him closer, kissing him softly. Yahaba moves to caress his cheek, and Kentarou can feel him smiling into the kiss. When Yahaba pulls back, his eyes are shining and Kentarou worries he might be on the verge of tears. He doesn’t see any welling up in the corners though, so he tilts his head to the side in silent question. “Thank you for last night…”

“All I did was make you cum,” Kentarou grumbles, leaning forward to nuzzle Yahaba’s neck.

He shakes his head though, reaching around to stroke his hand over Kentarou’s hair. “No, not for that… for coming back at all…”

“I never left,” he admits, sighing against Yahaba’s neck. Kentarou places a soft kiss on the skin there, moving back to look at him, “I waited across the street until a light came on to see if it was the right room.”

Yahaba blinks at him before his face cracks into a smile. “That… that’s so sweet, but also so… _creepy_...”

“Shut up,” Kentarou scowls, kissing Yahaba again. He lets him go after that, knowing that if he doesn’t he’d spend the rest of the morning just placing kisses all over Yahaba, and he knew neither of them could afford that. So he moves around Yahaba to fully leave the closet, shuffling over to his shoes to pull them on.

Yahaba’s following him, but his arms are crossed. Kentarou thinks he might be doing it to keep from grabbing Kentarou, but he’s not sure. “Still… thank you for staying with me.”

Kentarou grunts in reply, shoving his shoes on clumsily before turning back to him. “What happened last night… you don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“Yeah, but… they’re my parents,” Yahaba shrugs, “and after the panic attacks stopped in my last year of junior high, I just figured they treated me pretty… normal.” Yahaba’s eyes shift between Kentarou’s and he knows the face he’s pulling is disapproving. Yahaba sighs, “this year though, Watari has been making comments how it’s not normal and… well, until everything started with you, I wasn’t so sure.” He holds Kentarou’s gaze with his own and Kentarou furrows his brows, disbelieving anyone could think this was normal. “The way your dad talks to you - that’s… that’s so much better.”

Kentarou turns away, shaking his head. “You should hear him when he’s drunk…”

“I can’t imagine,” Yahaba mumbles, and suddenly Kentarou is being enveloped in a hug. “Thank you for being my soulmate,” Yahaba whispers to him, and Kentarou slowly returns the embrace.

It’s the softest, least sexually charged thing between them he’s felt since this all started and Kentarou stares at the wall over Yahaba’s shoulder. A simple hug, and for once he doesn’t feel the need to heat things up. He gulps as they pull away and he feels no need to start kissing Yahaba again. Instead, he just looks at him - his hair is a mess, his cheeks are dying down to a soft pink hue, and his eyes are red rimmed from the tears he had shed. Yet Yahaba is the most handsome, beautiful, attractive, what-have-you man he’s ever seen in this moment.

Kentarou doesn’t realize his mouth is hanging slightly opened until Yahaba turns away to look at the door, and he becomes more alert. “My parents are probably in the kitchen, if you climb out my window you should be fine. I’ll try to keep them from looking to this side of the house.”

He can only nod, watching Yahaba and feeling as though he’s a completely different person now. Yahaba leans forward, placing a soft kiss to Kentarou’s cheek before moving to the window to pull open the blinds and push the window to the side. Kentarou hurries over, trying his best to keep from putting his shoes on the bed and failing when he starts to climb out.

“Ken,” Yahaba stops him, and Kentarou looks up from focusing on his feet and where they stand on the roof ledge. He hesitates, “... I’ll see you later.”

Kentarou nods, “sneak out if you have to.”

Yahaba laughs but there’s no humor in his voice. “I’ll… I’ll try.” Kentarou reaches up, meaning to pull Yahaba over for another kiss but deciding against it when his hand touches his cheek. He runs his thumb under Yahaba’s eye, along his cheek before dropping it. Yahaba gives him a soft smile and Kentarou begins to slowly shuffle his way over to the drain pipe.

He thinks Yahaba is watching him until he makes it to the pipe, which is easier to reach now that the sun is up and he can see. He nearly loses his footing when he makes it and Yahaba gasps, but Kentarou catches himself, looking back to Yahaba. He’s hanging out his window, watching in horror that turns to relief when it’s clear Kentarou is okay.

“I’ll text you,” Yahaba says, and Kentarou nods, beginning to work his way down the pipe. Yahaba’s window clicks closed and Kentarou doesn’t look back up.

———

His parents are just staring at him and Shigeru isn’t sure where they’ll start. He shifts a little, the stool at the bar countertop digging into his bottom without the pillow there. Shigeru knows it was taken away as a small, inconvenient punishment, but it’s not so bad.

Finally, his father sighs and shakes his head. “After last night, your mother and I realize there’s something going on here and we can no longer ignore this.”

Shigeru bites his lip and looks to his folded hands. He knew it, they’ve already decided he can’t see Kyoutani ever again. Maybe he should try to fight it - it’s not like they knew much about him.

“However, your mother told me what you talked about this morning and,” his father waits for Shigeru to look up at him, “I believe it’s my place to apologise to you before we get into the issue at hand.”

Shigeru gawks at him, “what?”

“I shouldn’t have gone through your journal,” his father admits with his eyes focusing on Shigeru and Shigeru just gapes in return. “I was afraid you were doing things you shouldn’t have been because you were withdrawing from us and your mother didn’t seem fond of Kyoutani, so I did something I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

He’s not sure what to say. On the one hand, his father has only ever apologised to him a handful of times, and every time he did - either for wrongfully grounding Shigeru or when he admits he was wrong about something they argued about (rarely is he ever wrong) - he does his best to never do it again. On the other, Shigeru’s privacy was invaded and he’s not sure if he can forgive that. He can at least accept the apology - his parents always told him to accept apologies, but only forgive if he knows it to be genuine - but… In this case, he’s not so sure.

“I…” Shigeru looks to the counter where his hands are resting, twiddling his thumbs. “I’m not sure if I can forgive you…”

His father nods, “I understand. You’re not wrong, I should have just asked you.”

Shigeru turns his head up to meet his father’s gaze, looking between both him and his mother. “Yeah, but that’s the main issue here; neither of you ask, ever!” They both look taken aback, as though confused. “Quickly, one of you answer this - what’s my favorite subject in school?”

They look between one another, his mother turning back with uncertainty, “it’s… social studies, isn’t it?”

“Nope!” Shigeru frowns, looking to his father.

He looks just as uncertain, “... science?”

“Not even close,” Shigeru declares, “it’s classical literature - for two people obsessed with my grades and how school is going for me, it’s pretty awful you can’t even tell me which subject I like the most - and also excel at.”

They at least look ashamed at his words.

So Shigeru moves on, “what position do I play in volleyball?”

His mother doesn’t meet his eyes, and he knows that means she won’t even try. His father on the other hand looks thoughtful, “it’s… it’s the middle one, right?”

Shigeru rolls his eyes, “the positions rotate dad - so which position is it?”

“I… I’m not sure,” his father quietly admits and Shigeru nods.

“I figured - I play as reserve setter,” he says and they both look confused, “which is the same position Oikawa-senpai plays - he’s the captain, and there’s only one setter on the court. If something happens to him, I come in. The coaches are talking about making me a pinch server to come into games so both Oikawa-senpai and I are on the court for a little while.”

His mother frowns, “how are we supposed to know that? You don’t talk about volleyball much.”

Shigeru narrows his eyes, “I literally told you that last week when you asked me how volleyball was going. You even asked me to explain what a pinch server is.”

She stares at him, and it’s clear she doesn’t remember. Shigeru would be okay with that if his mother had a history of being forgetful, but the thing was she could remember exactly what her favorite drama show characters said in the first season and how it contradicts with what they say going into the eighth - all without looking it up or having seen the episodes in question for months. The fact that she can’t remember what he told her a week ago probably meant she wasn’t really listening.

His mother avoids his eyes, and he wonders if he should back off a little, so he turns to his father. “Other than Watari, name a single friend I have.”

His father blinks before looking away in thought. “Well… Oikawa-san I suppose?”

“He’s the captain and my senpai,” Shigeru states, “he’s more of an acquaintance than a friend. Try again.”

“Um…” his father frowns, furrowing his brow. “I’m not sure…?”

Shigeru gives a mock hum of thought, looking to the ceiling and placing his finger to his chin. “Wow, maybe it’s because I _don’t_ have any other friends.”

His mother snaps her attention back to him, “but you mention other people you study with!”

He looks at her, frowning. “Mom, those people are my classmates; they don’t talk to me outside of school.” Shigeru glances between them before spreading his hands, “the main reason is because I have no life. I go to school, I go to practice, and then I either go to Watari’s to study or I come home… and study.” He shakes his head. “If I do go to Watari’s, all we have time to do is study before you both expect me to be home. I don’t think I’ve ever really gone out with people my age except when Oikawa-senpai decides the team has to hang out for team bonding.”

Shigeru’s father has an expression of disbelief. “Then… what were talking about in your journal with Kyoutani? If you never go anywhere… what was that?”

Shigeru shrugs, “after things started happening between us, that’s when I stopped studying so much, but even then I did go to his house to study. I got the best grade I’ve ever gotten in math recently because of him.”

His parents look between themselves and it’s clear to Shigeru neither of them realized their son didn’t have a real social life.

“I’m actually shocked Watari wants to be my friend,” he goes on, “because no one else wants to be my friend when they figure out I do nothing but study.” He gestures to them, “because of how you treat me - how you’ve _been_ treating me since junior high, I’ve lost a lot of potential friendships for fear of falling behind in school.”

Shigeru focuses his attention on the countertop, waiting for either of them to talk. Neither of them try and he sighs again.

“Of all these things, the worst has the be my TiMER,” he admits, and he looks back up to them. “It’s the end of July - it’s almost August. My TiMER has been at zero since _March. Fifth_.” Shigeru turns his hands over in an exaggerated shrug. “I know you both thought of asking about it at least once, but the fact is… neither of you did. And for being so hell bent on me finding some perfect wife, you really let the ball drop on finding out who your son’s soulmate is.”

His mother shakes her head, “you didn’t tell us the TiMER had reached zero.”

“Mom,” he starts and her eyebrows pinch together, worried he’ll disprove her again, “you were both there when I got it. It immediately said I had four days - you knew I was meeting my soulmate pretty soon, but somehow neither of you remembered.”

He takes a deep breath, feeling the burning sensation behind his eyes telling him that he might start crying soon.

“The thing is, if you had asked then, I would have told you it was some _asshole_ I can’t stand and that we were both avoiding each other to keep it from happening.” He looks between them and their confused expressions. “Kyoutani and I didn’t get along - somehow, we were always on the other’s last nerve and we were constantly fighting. Neither of us wanted this, and yet…” He gulps, taking another deep breath, “we couldn’t stay away from each other.

“Sometime in April, I ran into him, _again_ when I was trying to avoid ever seeing him, and he was pulling a scared kitten from a tree.” He points in the direction of his room, “and then I found that kitten a little while later and mom said I could keep him and that’s how I came to find Momo. Kyoutani was the one who introduced me to him, and he was also the one who named him.”

They both are gaping at him, and it’s clear his father must have skimmed that part of the journal.

“I hated him so much, but even when I hated Kyoutani, I couldn’t stop thinking about him,” Shigeru admits, and he gives a watery laugh. “Watari was the one who forced us to be civil with one another because Kyoutani’s not only my soulmate, but he’s a powerful wing spiker we want to have on the team for when the third years all graduate. And then Watari got to know him and suddenly those two were friends and Watari was my only friend, so I had to get to know him too.

“It turns out that he’s the sweetest person ever and somehow only animals seem to know it on sight. He understands me and he calms my anxiety attacks and keeps me from scratching anymore… it’s to a point I reach for his hand if he’s near, but I stopped myself from doing it last night because I was afraid it would make things worse! Now, I can’t see a life without him in it,” Shigeru sniffles, “Kyoutani… he’s the best thing to ever happen to me but because he’s a guy and his family is all broken, you’re going to tell me I can’t have him because it doesn’t fit into your plans for me.” He closes his eyes and hangs his head, “I’ll get good grades, and I’ll get whatever job you want me to… but please, let me have Kyoutani…”

Silence meets his words and Shigeru is too afraid to look back up. He’s certain they’ll deny him, that he’ll be locked away in his bedroom with Momo and he won’t be allowed to leave. Hell, they might even take Momo away from him now that they know the kitten is associated with Kyoutani. He’s going to end up breaking his leg when he tries to climb out the window like Kyoutani did later, determined to not let him go even if his parents tell him no.

His mother is holding him suddenly and Shigeru jumps at the contact. “Shigeru, sweetheart… we’re so sorry,” she murmurs and he thinks she might be close to tears. “We should have realized what we were doing when you had to go to therapy.”

He opens his eyes, looking over to his father on the other side of the counter. He’s frowning, but it doesn’t look to be in disappointment. “Well… the laws are changing a little because of the TiMER,” Shigeru’s father says and he stares at his father in confusion, “I’m sure by the time you would be ready to marry him, the laws will allow you to adopt too…”

Shigeru’s mother pulls away, but she keeps her hands wrapped around Shigeru’s shoulders. “Honey, are you still worrying about grandchildren?”

His father sighs and shakes his head, “I mean… Shigeru is unhappy and what kind of father would I be if I can’t even give my only child what he wants?” He scratches at his jaw, and Shigeru notices his father hadn’t shaved yet this morning. “I don’t exactly like some punk telling me I’m raising my kid wrong, that’s for sure…”

Shigeru gapes at him, slowly turning to his mother. “Wait… are you…?”

She turns her focus back to him and she smiles a little, “Shigeru, I… I only ever wanted what was best for you, but I didn’t realize I was becoming like my own mother.” He blinks, feeling confused by that statement. He’s not really sure he knows his grandmother, let alone heard about her. “I told myself I would never do that, and that I would always know who my child is, but instead… I forced you to be what I thought you were instead of asking you.”

He blinks up at her, “mom, why… why would you ignore my anxiety like that then? How did that not clue you into there being something wrong?”

She shook her head, “because I didn’t want to admit I was wrong in how I was raising you.” There are tears in her eyes now and Shigeru’s eyes widen at the sight. He’s never really seen her cry outside of emotional moments of the drama she makes him watch with her. “Shigeru, I promise, I’ll pay closer attention to you… I don’t want to make you feel like you’re in a prison or like you don’t know who you are.”

Shigeru’s nose is burning and he knows he might start crying. “Am I dreaming?”

His mother laughs and it’s awful sounding through her tears. “No, sweetheart, you’re not. I’m so sorry,” she cries, moving forward to hold him.

He shifts his gaze to his father, who’s leaning back against the other counter with his arms crossed, staring at his feet. “Dad…? Do you mean it?”

Shigeru’s father slowly lifts his eyes to meet Shigeru’s and they stare at one another. “I… forgive me if I take some time to get used to this… but,” his father takes in a deep breath, looking as though he’s trying to figure out how to word it, “it really sounds as though you love Kyoutani, and that… that’s something I can’t take from you.”

His face heats and it’s the trigger for his tears to roll from his eyes. Shigeru’s body feels light, as though he’s not truly there and this is all some big lie, like any second now his parents will turn into the dark creatures of his nightmares and tell him he’s pathetic and useless and unable to meet their perfect standards.

Hours later and he’s still feeling light as a feather. Shigeru fears if he closes his eyes, or pulls out his phone to text Kyoutani, his parents will suddenly appear and tell them they’d changed their mind. That they expect him to rot away studying until he’s insane, and that they’ll ship him off to another school in order to meet a girl they’ll arrange for him to marry.

His body limp, Shigeru stares up at his ceiling and watches the mid afternoon sunlight stretch across the stuco, sending interesting hues across the white surface.

Shigeru sits up, Momo’s claws digging desperately into the cloth of his shirt before he plops onto the bed. He pats the kitten’s head before pushing away from his bed (which still smelled like Kyoutani somehow) to make his way downstairs to ask for the hundredth time since that morning if his parents were sure. They had told him at least five times during the early dinner that they were, and by the sixth time he’d asked his father had snapped at him that he would change his mind if Shigeru tried to ask again.

He had gone silent after that, but his mother had shaken her head and mouthed to him that they wouldn’t change their minds.

No matter how many times he asked though, Shigeru still couldn’t believe it. His mother seemed to listen when she asked him that afternoon to explain what a setter does, and his father had asked for his opinion on certain books he hadn’t realized Shigeru had read. For once, Shigeru had felt like his parents wanted to know something about him, but the most important thing to him remained to be whether or not he could see Kyoutani again.

He hears them under the low volume of the television, and Shigeru holds himself against the wall when he hears his name. His father is saying something, and his mother seems to be arguing back.

Shigeru can’t make it out however, and he leans forward a little to try to hear them better, the game show making it hard to hear completely. “... gay, Yumi, I just can’t ... being with Kyoutani.” Shigeru’s eyes widen in shock, but the audience from the show laughs over the first part of the following sentence. “... keep him from Kyoutani…”

He pulls away, backing into the dark hallway. Shigeru’s heart is racing and some small, logical part of him is telling him he misheard, but the panic is settling in. He knew it, he knew his father would change his mind!

Turning away, Shigeru quietly hurries to the backdoor where his sandals sit, pulling them on. As silently as he can, Shigeru opens the door and slowly shuts it behind himself, hurrying around the house to the front gate.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Shigeru looks to the time and thinks it’s not too late to be showing up. He pulls the gate open and hopes it doesn’t creak, going at it slowly. Once he makes it out, he hurries down the street, clicking open his phone and letting the gate fall back without a care.

**to Kyoutani Kentarou**  
[18:56] I’m coming over

**from Kyoutani Kentarou**  
[18:56] good


	12. Chapter Eleven

After he’d gotten home, Kentarou’s father was adamant that Kentarou tell him what happened last night. Knowing there was no fighting it, Kentarou told his father about the dinner and how he had climbed into Yahaba’s bedroom window after being kicked out to make sure Yahaba was okay.

His father didn’t say anything for a while after that, and Kentarou thought it better to not mention what the two of them had done after he got into the bedroom. After an hour of reruns from his father’s favorite game show, his father finally spoke up, telling Kentarou he was free to be with Yahaba if he wanted to be, but to still try to respect Yahaba’s parents by not breaking into their home again. Then he stood from his chair and gestured for Kentarou to follow him outside.

Kentarou glances to his father now, seeing him slump further down in his chair. He looks to the front window after and through a bit of broken blinds, he sees the sun setting closer to the horizon. Pulling his phone out, Kentarou notices it’s been nearly a half hour since Yahaba messaged him, and he wonders how long it will take.

Getting restless, Kentarou stands and leaves the living room. His father doesn’t ask him where he’s going, just continues to watch the game show on the television. Kentarou scratches at his neck, looking back to his father before moving into the foyer. He thinks he might still smell like freshly cut grass after doing yard work all day with his old man, but he hasn’t gone to shower since Yahaba texted him finally.

All day he’d been waiting for the text that would tell him anything at all, and Kentarou began to worry that Yahaba’s phone had been taken away. Instead, he received a text after he put away the yard tools telling him Yahaba was on his way. Nothing more, and by the urgency and how late it was getting, Kentarou figures this means nothing good came from the talk.

Glancing back into the living room, Kentarou moves to the door and looks through the peephole, finding Yahaba standing on the other side. He’s checking his phone, as though he can’t decide if he should text Kentarou or knock. Kentarou’s grateful he hasn’t knocked and immediately pulls open the door. Yahaba jumps on the other side in surprise, and Kentarou wastes no time pulling Yahaba into the house and quietly closing the door.

He doesn’t let Yahaba greet him, instead he pulls him into an embrace and cradles Yahaba close. “What happened?” He whispers to Yahaba, and he feels the other shiver at the contact.

“I…” Yahaba begins to mutter, but the laughing from the television reminds him his father is close by. Kentarou never told his father Yahaba was coming by, and so he decides to pull Yahaba back into the house and towards his bedroom.

Kentarou doesn’t latch the door shut, but he does come close to closing it all the way. Yahaba shifts awkwardly on his feet in the middle of his bedroom, and Kentarou moves to guide him to sit on the bed.

They look at one another, and Kentarou notes the tension in Yahaba’s shoulders. He waits a few beats before taking a deep breath and asking, “what did they say?”

Yahaba bites his lip, but Kentarou simply reaches up to pull it out, already noting the chapped skin coming away. Yahaba stares at him, mouth agape before he takes a shaking breath and says, “they just… originally, it seemed too good to be true.”

Kentarou’s head cocks to the side, his eyes narrowing. “What do you mean?”

“They were… _so_ understanding, and - and _shocked_ to hear how much they neglected me,” Yahaba admits, and Kentarou tries not to focus on his bottom lip when it trembles. “I ended up ranting at them, and it was like they were finally hearing me for the first time.”

“That’s… that’s good, isn’t it?” Kentarou asks, and Yahaba shakes his head.

“Kyoutani, they’ve never listened to me before, but all of a sudden they do?” Yahaba huffs a laugh, but there is certainly no humor behind it. “My mom _cried_ and said she couldn’t believe she’d become like her own mother - I don’t even _know_ my grandma!”

Yahaba takes a deep breath, avoiding Kentarou’s eyes. He himself feels lost, uncertain of what makes this a bad situation. Did he misunderstand something?

“And then she promised to never ignore me again,” Yahaba’s hands move in an odd gesture, as though he could properly explain himself if they were moving. “And then she _did_ listen to me - all day, non stop, she kept asking me things about myself because she seemed to genuinely want to know!”

Kentarou frowns, “how is this bad?”

Yahaba groans, slumping forward to bury his face in his hands. “I just… it felt like a dream, you know?” Kentarou grunts, uncertain of how to answer that. “For once I felt important to her. But my dad… he was even worse.”

He still isn’t following, and Yahaba moves to look back at him.

“He made a promise that as long as I kept to my studies and got good grades, he didn’t care who I was with because he expects for laws to change somewhere down the line for same sex couples to adopt or whatever,” Yahaba shrugs, throwing his hands up, “and it was so _weird_ and - and _surreal_ to be told I could make my own choices!”

“Yahaba, I’m still not following,” Kentarou shakes his head. He has has no idea if this is supposed to be considered bad. “This all sounds good. Your parents promised to listen to you for once, and they didn’t say you couldn’t see me anymore.” Kentarou scowls now, frustrated at not understanding if Yahaba came here to avoid his parents or if he has their blessing. “I thought something terrible had happened and that’s why you snuck out… do they know you’re here or something?”

Yahaba heaves a sigh, his brow furrowing. “You didn’t let me finish. They were like that all day, but…” And again his bottom lip shakes from how upset he is. Kentarou’s face softens and he waits to hear more. “They… they were talking in the living room and didn’t know I was around the corner. I heard my dad say something about me being gay and it didn’t sound like he was happy, and then…” Yahaba turns his focus to the floor, and Kentarou holds his breath. It couldn’t be good. “Then he said he’d keep me from you.”

Kentarou’s body feels numb at those words and he stares at Yahaba’s slumped form. That’s what he’d been waiting for - confirmation that Yahaba was told anything between him and Kentarou would have to end.

He reaches forward and wraps an arm around Yahaba, pulling him close before shifting back on the bed. Yahaba moves easily enough, climbing further onto the bed to lay down next to Kentarou. It felt just like that morning when he was leaving; Kentarou felt no need to pull Yahaba closer, or any need to kiss him breathless - he was content to have Yahaba curl into his side and lie there, staring up at the ceiling fan.

Yahaba nuzzles his cheek against Kentarou’s shoulder and murmurs, “I don’t want to never see you again…”

“I won’t let that happen,” Kentarou breathes, his voice softer than usual. “I won’t let you go until you tell me to, Shigeru.”

The response he gets is a soft hum and a light press of lips to his jaw. Kentarou shifts a little, bringing Yahaba just a little closer, turning a little to wrap both arms around Yahaba’s frame. Yahaba moves a little to get more comfortable again.

They lay like that for some time, and how long exactly Kentarou isn’t sure. The light outside has faded beyond the blinds of his window, and he can only guess that the sun has fully set by now. He breathes in Yahaba’s scent during this time, and he feels himself begin to breathe in time with Yahaba’s own rising and falling chest.

He’s pretty sure it’s almost eight thirty when Yahaba takes a deep breath. Kentarou was sure Yahaba was falling asleep, but now he’s sure Yahaba isn’t quite there yet.

“Ken, is that…” Yahaba hesitates, and Kentarou presses his nose into Yahaba’s hair, silently telling him to finish his sentence. “Is that your mom?”

Kentarou pulls back, trying to see where Yahaba’s line of sight is directed to until he finally sees it. It’s dark in his room, but the orange light of the streetlamps is coming through the broken blinds at the top of his window and it illuminates the top of his dresser.

His father had him clean a little recently, and Kentarou had found the old picture frame on the floor of his room. He’s pretty sure it got knocked down with all the clutter, and having felt bad, he perched the picture up on the center of his dresser with nothing else to bother it.

The face of his mother smiles out from the picture - an older one, and judging by the baby in her arms, it was when Kentarou was just born. He’d spent hours staring at that picture after she had died, and Kentarou had taken an hour to look at it again when he found it the other day.

She was truly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Kentarou’s mother was soft and her smile looked natural, as though she didn’t know how to frown or cry. The photo didn’t do the sparkles in her eyes justice, but it helped remind him of what they might have been like when she was alive. Kentarou doesn’t think he looks much like her - most of his features came from his dad - but he doesn’t mind it too much. It hurts to look at the picture, he couldn’t imagine what it’d feel like to look in the mirror and see her looking back if he did look like her. He’s pretty sure his dad wouldn’t be able to look at him if he did look like her.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “that’s my mom…”

Yahaba shifts, pushing himself up to look at it. “She was beautiful; I wish I could have met her.”

Kentarou sniffles once, moving to sit up as well. “She probably would have liked you…”

“Really?” Yahaba asks, turning his attention back on Kentarou.

“Yeah, because we’re soulmates,” Kentarou shrugs looking back at him, “and all she ever wanted was for me to be happy.”

There’s a little smile in the corner of Yahaba’s mouth. “Are you happy, Ken?”

His gaze slowly shifts from Yahaba back to the picture of his mother. His body feels numb most days, and his father’s drinking problem (when it spikes back up) is hard to deal with. Kentarou’s not struggling in school, but he thinks he could do better. He doesn’t even play volleyball for real anymore.

But Yahaba’s presence gives him warmth. He gets antsy without Yahaba near and there are times where he feels his temper flare when he sees Yahaba talking to someone he doesn’t know. Kentarou’s not sure if that really means anything, but he also isn’t willing to let himself spend a second thinking on it. He’s almost certain if he did, he’d come to a conclusion that he can’t accept.

For now though, how could he answer the question at hand? Kentarou doesn’t feel happy most days, and no one in school is willing to talk to him except Watari and Yahaba. Yahaba is a constant in his life he’s afraid to lose, but he’s willing to let him go if that’s what Yahaba wants. So does that make him happy?

He feels good right now with Yahaba sitting next to him, and knowing he can pull Yahaba closer if he wanted. He likes being aware that his father isn’t drinking himself unconscious day in and day out right now. He’s actually looking forward to the training camp, which in hindsight was only done to be closer to Yahaba. And again, Yahaba is with him. Yahaba chose to come to his home even after hearing his parents make a decision to keep him away.

Kentarou turns his gaze back to Yahaba’s, and sees the anxious expression on his face. Kentarou blinks, taking in Yahaba’s appearance in the dim light, how the shadows play over his face like they had last night. He remembers last night, and that morning. He remembers the feeling of being content to just hold Yahaba and not have to do anything.

Finally, he nods, and he sees Yahaba’s shoulders relax. “I think… I can be happy now,” Kentarou admits, and while the words have tumbled out of his mouth, he can’t say for sure what they mean.

Yahaba smiles, shifting closer to hug Kentarou. “I think I can be, too.” Kentarou leans into his embrace, glancing back to the photo of his mother and thinking that maybe, in this moment, he could pretend she was smiling for him now and not for the baby in her arms.

He feels Yahaba shift a little, and he thinks he might be looking at the picture too. Kentarou hears Yahaba’s heart beat a little, and he sighs to himself in content.

Thinking about his mother reminds him of something, and feeling the warmth of Yahaba emboldens him to talk about something he’s never mentioned to anyone.

“My birthday,” he mutters, and Yahaba adjusts to listen in a more comfortable position. “One year, she promised to take me out of school for the afternoon so we could celebrate early.”

Yahaba chuckles, “that sounds like fun.”

Kentarou doesn’t hear him really, staring up at the picture as the memory returns. “It was actually snowing a lot that year, so she had hoped school would be canceled or something. When it wasn’t, she decided to call off and told me I still had to go for morning classes, but she’d be by to get me at lunch.”

He remembers being excited all morning, staring out the school’s windows at the snow that had come down so heavy that year. Kentarou hadn’t mentioned to anyone that his mother was going to pull him from school to celebrate his birthday and just sat anxiously awaiting for when she would come.

“What did you end up doing?” Yahaba asks quietly, his fingers running up and down his back in a soothing motion.

Kentarou shivers, “she never showed up.”

Yahaba’s hand stops and Kentarou feels the silence between them. Finally, Yahaba breathes in slowly and asks, “what do you mean?”

He’d been disappointed when noon came and no one notified him from the office. Kentarou grew upset and thought maybe she’d forgotten, or lost track of time. He was ready to demand an explanation from her when he got home, but then he’d been told by his teacher his father was there to pick him up - almost an hour after his mother was supposed to come.

“My dad got me instead,” Kentarou whispers, and his vision fades a little, blurring at the edges.

“Ken…?”

He was so confused as he climbed into his father’s truck once he finally made his way out of the school. His father was frantic, but he seemed relieved to see Kentarou before he sped away in the opposite direction of their home. Kentarou could only ask one thing the whole ride, “ _where’s mom_?” His father had never answered.

“He took me to the hospital after that, and…” Kentarou takes in a shaking breath. “When we,” he gulps, “when we finally got there, my dad fell to his knees…” Kentarou recalls clutching to his father in worry, seeing the pale color of his skin as he stared at his wrist. “His TiMER had gone blank…”

Yahaba’s grip tightened, but Kentarou doesn’t register it. He’s still lost in his memory, watching his father’s heart shatter to pieces in front of him before doctors turned to them and apologised with no emotion. He saw just behind them a brief glimpse of the body he knew had to be his mother before it was covered from sight and the curtains were drawn shut.

He felt his own heart breaking on the spot before he went numb for the next three years.

Yahaba’s pulling him closer, and he hears him sniffling a little. Kentarou gulps, his vision clearing before shifting to sit up straighter. There are tears in Yahaba’s eyes, and he lets go of Kentarou to wipe at his face. “Ken, I… I’m so sorry…”

Kentarou can feel a slight wetness on his cheeks and knows he probably cried a little, but he doesn’t remember it. Seeing Yahaba cry now, it sends the numbness back through him, echoing the memory. Yahaba reaches forward, his thumb sweeping under his eye to wipe away the tears Kentarou doesn’t remember and they both sniffle a bit. Kentarou’s face warms from the touch, and the numbness seems to subside a little.

“You never said she…” Yahaba shakes his head, avoiding his eyes, “... on your birthday?”

He gulps again, shrugging a little. “You never asked… she was hit head on by a drunk driver who lost control on the slick road. She was a block away from my school.”

Yahaba’s jaw drops and his own sadness is clear in his shining eyes. Kentarou hates that he finds his eyes to be lovely like this, especially because it’s due to tears. “That’s so terrible… oh, Ken, I…” Yahaba slowly shakes his head, and Kentarou knows he can’t think of what to say.

Kentarou however can feel the usual word vomit of inappropriate things to say when talking about his mother, and he can do nothing to stop it. “It’s okay, it’s my fault she died anyway.”

This earns him a glare and a punch to the arm. “Don’t ever say that! She loved you more than anything, she would never blame you for what happened!”

“You don’t know that,” Kentarou mumbles, rubbing his arm.

“No, but it’s obvious that’s how she would think!” Yahaba shouts, punching him again. “No wonder you’re so emotionally stupid - you can’t go on thinking like that!”

Kentarou blinks at Yahaba, and he’s not sure what he should say to that. “... emotionally stupid?”

Yahaba groans, shoving Kentarou down and forcing him into cuddling against him. “Have you ever really cried over this? I think you need a good cry!”

Kentarou scowls, pushing at Yahaba’s body and trying to pull away from the embrace. He eventually stops trying when it’s clear Yahaba isn’t letting go, and Kentarou settles in against his warmth.

“Kentarou, just… just cry,” Yahaba murmurs, stroking Kentarou’s back. “You deserve to cry over this.”

He doesn’t tell Yahaba about the first year after her death and the nights he spent sobbing into his pillow. He doesn’t mention all the times he yelled at his father when he got a bit too drunk and how the screaming had resulted in him crying alone in his room from how emotional he’d gotten. Kentarou can’t bring himself to even think about how he spent every December 7th since alone, crying softly for fear of his father hearing him.

With Yahaba’s arms holding him close, Kentarou can feel the signs of tears in his eyes and he finds it hard to breathe evenly. It’s nothing like his mother’s embrace, the only person he had let hug him often after he turned six, but for once he feels the support he hadn’t in three years. When the warmth of his tears begin to pour, he grabs hold of Yahaba and he begins to sob.

If Yahaba hadn’t fought against his parents, would Kentarou have ever found anything like this again? What makes matters worse and sends several rocking sobs through his body is the single thought he’d been too afraid to address.

When Yahaba finally decides to let him go, will Kentarou be able to handle losing whatever it is they had?

———

The sound is terribly loud and it make Shigeru moan groggily, lifting his head to try to find his clock. Instead, he finds a different looking alarm clock reading out to him 11:43 PM, which gave him his answer but so many more questions.

Kyoutani shifting against him immediately reminds him where he is and what he was doing. His shirt isn’t as damp as it was when he finally was lulled to sleep, Kyoutani’s crying having subsided when he tired himself out.

The sound cuts through his thoughts again, and Shigeru recognises it as his ringtone. Rolling to his back, he moves to grab for his phone he can feel in his pocket and he pulls it out.

 _Mom_ reads out on the caller ID and Shigeru winces up at the bright screen. Kyoutani rolls into him then, and he glances over to see if the other is still asleep. It doesn’t look like he’s awake, and Shigeru gives a sigh of relief when the ringing stops.

He looks back to his phone and sees that he has twenty missed calls from his mother and seven from his father. Shigeru pulls away from Kyoutani again, this time dislodging his arm from under him to sit up and stare at his phone.

Shigeru’s not sure if he should call them back. He knows he probably should just because they must be furious, and perhaps a little worried, but remembering that they had lied to him and came to a conclusion to keep him from Kyoutani only makes him want to throw his phone and hope it breaks.

Kyoutani groans from next to him, and Shigeru decides to shut his phone off completely. By the time he’s gotten the screen to go black and has tossed it over to a pile of clothes in a laundry basket, Kyoutani has stretched himself out a bit and was beginning to sit up as well.

“What time is it…?” He grunts, rubbing at his eye before blinking a few times at Shigeru.

“Almost midnight,” Shigeru whispers, leaning over to kiss him softly. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“Didn’t even realize I fell asleep,” Kyoutani mumbles, and his body slumps against Shigeru. “Who was calling?”

Shigeru wraps his arms around Kyoutani and pulls them both down, shifting to lean over him. “It doesn't matter… you feeling okay?”

Kyoutani shrugs, blinking sleepily up at Shigeru. “Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

Shigeru feels his face split into a grin. “Oh, I’ll do more than that if you want…”

Kyoutani only blinks, and Shigeru isn’t sure he understood him. He hesitates, but when Kyoutani doesn’t protest his words, Shigeru leans down to kiss him softly. When Kyoutani hums into the kiss, Shigeru shifts to bring his leg over to straddle Kyoutani’s hips, sitting down softly and moving his mouth to deepen the kiss.

He feels Kyoutani grab hold of his hips, and Shigeru opens his mouth when he feels Kyoutani’s tongue lick across his lips. He turns a bit, pressing his tongue up against Kyoutani’s and shifting his mouth around to further deepen the kiss.

Kyoutani groans from deep within his throat, his hands gliding up along Shigeru’s sides. His touch sends tremors down Shigeru’s spine and he tries not to grin into their kiss, moving his own hands to feel along Kyoutani’s chest.

The outdoorsy scent on Kyoutani’s skin is still there, and it had been clear that Kyoutani did yard work earlier in the day from the way he smelled musky and of freshly cut grass. Shigeru breathes it in now, and he pulls at Kyoutani’s shirt, hopeful to smell more of it should he move to kissing Kyoutani’s stomach. A sweeter smell comes to him just as he moves to kiss down Kyoutani’s neck, but the scent of Kyoutani’s skin overpowers whatever it is.

Kyoutani grabs hold of his hands before he start pulling his shirt off, and Shigeru pulls away to catch his breath. “What is it…?”

Kyoutani hums, “no more… this is fine.” Shigeru blinks in confusion, watching Kyoutani catch his breath too. “I’m fine with just kissing you…”

Shigeru feels a heat rise in his cheeks and the sweet smell comes in stronger, but he frowns in response to Kyoutani and focuses on him. “I don’t understand - this morning, you seemed pretty eager to suck my—”

“Look, I don’t need to do sexual things with you to be happy,” Kyoutani snaps, glaring up at him. “I already told you, I’m not using you for sex.”

Shigeru’s brows furrow the more he frowns. “I’m sorry, but you were _all over me_ last night. Why can’t I repay the favor?”

“It wasn’t a favor! You were begging me to, asshole,” Kyoutani scowls, “telling me you needed it and shit. I don’t _need_ it right now, I’m perfectly fine just… going back to sleep with you in my arms.”

As appealing as it sounded, Shigeru still felt the need to argue this. “I was not _begging_ you! You just did it!”

“I distinctly remember you _moaning_ under me for more!”

“Mizuki in heaven, why is this what I have to wake up to?” A third voice grumbles and Shigeru’s eyes widen. Kyoutani also looks surprised, and they both turn to the doorway.

Kyoutani’s father is leaning against the doorframe, his facial expression completely unamused and his eyes are narrowed.

“Kentarou, how many times do I need to remind you to _leave the door open_ if Shigeru is here?” He inquires, but his voice holds no room for argument.

Kyoutani gulps a little, pushing himself up to sit, forcing Shigeru to do the same. “Sorry dad…”

His father gives a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “I’m… I’m not even going to ask what you two were arguing about, I think I have a good picture.” Shigeru’s face feels extremely hot, and he can’t bring himself to look at Kyoutani’s father. “Anyway, you two want pancakes?”

Shigeru sits a little straighter at that, and he turns his attention to the older man. The change of subject is nice, but that has to be the strangest question he’s ever heard. “Uh… Kyoutani-san, it’s midnight…”

Kyoutani’s father shrugs nonchalantly, “yeah kid, midnight pancakes. You want some? I can put chocolate chips in them.”

He gapes at him before turning to Kyoutani. He’s scowling at the floor, and Shigeru thinks he sees the tips of his ears are burning red. “Yeah dad, pancakes would be cool.”

A grunt is his reply and Shigeru watches Kyoutani’s father walk away. He slowly turns back to Kyoutani and he knows his face is contorted into confusion.

Kyoutani shrugs. “We lived off of pancakes the first year…” He side eyes the door, “every now and then he makes pancakes at midnight ‘just because’....”

Shigeru gawks at him. “A… a _year_ of nothing but pancakes?”

“We ate other stuff, but it was mostly pancakes.” Kyoutani rolls his head, his neck cracking a little before he moves to stand from the bed. “I got sick of them after a while, but they’re still some of the best I’ve ever had.”

He follows after him, watching Kyoutani with curiosity. “So you guys just… eat pancakes for no reason?”

Kyoutani huffs, and Shigeru takes it that he’s going to not say anything else.

In the kitchen, Shigeru has to shield his eyes from the light until his eyes adjust. Kyoutani’s father is at the stove, dutifully making pancakes. There’s already a pile of pancakes, and the sweet smell from earlier suddenly makes sense. Kyoutani’s father looks back at them, gesturing to the pile along with the two extra plates set aside. “Help yourselves, syrups in the fridge Shigeru.”

Shigeru gapes at him, and Kyoutani moves to the fridge to pull out the syrup before going to put a few flapjacks on a plate. “How many do you want?” He glances over his shoulder to Shigeru and he figures the question is directed at him.

“Oh… uh, three is fine…” Shigeru moves closer, going to the island countertop and sitting on the wooden stool. Kyoutani nods, making sure there are three on the plate before placing it in front of Shigeru. The bottle of syrup is placed down next and Kyoutani’s father moves to put a handful of forks down.

“Eat up,” Kyoutani’s father says before returning to flipping pancakes. Kyoutani puts five pancakes onto the second plate before joining Shigeru at the island counter.

Shigeru looks between the two of them, feeling strangely out of place. “Uh… Kyoutani-san…?”

He looks over to Shigeru for a second before returning his attention to the stove. Shigeru takes that as an acknowledgement to continue.

“Why are you making pancakes at midnight?” He asks, and Kyoutani sends him a narrow eyed look before he begins to wolf down the syrup coated pancakes he got himself.

Kyoutani’s father hums in response, as though he has to consider why he does anything. Shigeru can’t imagine it - there’s nothing but order in his family, but he’s beginning to see the many differences between his family and Kyoutani’s the more time he spends here.

“I guess it’s because Mizuki used to make pancakes whenever Ken was sad,” Kyoutani’s father settles on saying, and Shigeru sits a little straighter. He only has one guess on who Mizuki is.

Kyoutani drops his fork loudly, quickly chewing the large bite he had taken before swallowing. “Uh… _what_? Mom made pancakes during the day, not at midnight…”

His father shrugs, glancing back to his son. “During the day for you, at midnight for me. Whenever you’re upset, do ever get the craving for pancakes?”

Kyoutani narrows his eyes on his father before he grunts. “I guess…”

“Yeah, I figured,” his father shakes his head with a small chuckle. “Mizuki must of conditioned us to want pancakes whenever we got sad…”

Shigeru’s mouth hangs open a little at this revelation, and Kyoutani seems to consider his words. It’s clear he doesn’t exactly accept what his father said, but he can’t find a way to argue it as he continues to eat the pancakes.

“So… are you sad, Kyoutani-san?” Shigeru asks, and the older man turns off the stove before turning to join them at the island with his large stack of pancakes. “Is that why you’re making pancakes?”

Kyoutani’s father gives a small smile to Shigeru, but it has too much sadness in it to make Shigeru feel completely comfortable. “Yeah; mostly because Ken told me what happened at the dinner, Shigeru. I’m sorry about your parents, I wish I could do something to help you.”

Shigeru gapes at him, and he can’t think of anything to say. Slowly, he reaches for the pile of forks and begins to eat the pancakes Kyoutani had put in front of him.

They were tooth rottingly sweet, and Shigeru can’t believe that any kind of pancakes could taste this good. Only one of the three has chocolate chips in it, but Shigeru doesn’t mind since the two plain ones were just as sweet, if not sweeter.

Kyoutani finishes eating first, noisily dropping his fork onto the plate before glaring at his father. “I’m not sad, don’t compare me to you,” is all he says before he turns and storms down the hall to his bedroom.

Shigeru watches him go when he hears the deep sigh from Kyoutani’s father. He turns back around, sending Kyoutani’s father a concerned look. “Kyoutani-san…?”

“His mother was just as stubborn,” he mumbles, smiling sadly up at Shigeru. “He’s so much like her, sometimes I’m not sure what to do…”

Shigeru blinks, recalling the photo in Kyoutani’s bedroom. The beautiful woman had very little similarities to Kyoutani - maybe her nose matched his seeing as Kyoutani’s father’s nose was rather wide, but that was about it. Still, Shigeru knows he means personality wise Kyoutani matches his mother, not appearance. 

“They couldn’t identify her for some time after the accident, and by the time they did… it may as well have been too late,” he continues on, voice soft. Shigeru stares at him, uncertain of what to do. “She’d been hurt so badly in the accident, they couldn’t figure out who she was, and her ID wasn’t easy to find in the wreckage… still, when they finally got a hold of me, I was so scared she had Kentarou with her and that I had lost them both…” Kyoutani’s father smiles, but the tears in his eyes are enough to tell Shigeru it’s a small happiness. “I was actually glad when they said her body was the only one in the car…”

He couldn’t imagine what the older man possibly was feeling in this moment. Shigeru isn’t sure he’d handle it well if he lost the love of his life, or if he’d ever feel good if he had happiness after hearing his partner had been in an accident. However, he could understand why - Kyoutani’s father had the consolation of knowing that while he lost his wife, he at least still had their son.

Kyoutani’s father shakes his head, his lips tight as he blinks away the tears. “Ken only wanted his mother that day and we both lost her… I didn’t even focus on my own feelings when I saw Kentarou’s face in the hospital, he just,” a sad laugh comes from him, and Shigeru’s heart aches at the sound, “a kid like him should never have looked so broken. I wanted nothing more than to make him smile again.”

Shigeru’s nose burns and he can’t find anything to say.

“It was hard at first,” Kyoutani’s father continues, “especially because Ken refused to talk to me, and it felt like no matter what, I could never be enough to fill the emptiness Mizuki left.” He shrugs, looking down at his pile of pancakes. “I never blamed him - I lost her too, but I at least still had the person she helped create in my life. Never stopped me from drinking though, to fill that pain.

“I did all I could, and I still do, to give Kentarou whatever he wants because I can’t tell him no.” Kyoutani’s father smiles, and it hurts to watch him crumble like this. “Mizuki never could tell him no either - but it was worse after she died. I… I wanted to give him everything, but he didn’t ask for much after.” His father shrugs again, and he shifts the pancakes with his fork a little. “He only ever asked for two things after she died - to go to Aoba Johsai even though I wasn’t sure I could afford it at first, and to get the TiMER back in February.”

Kyoutani’s father looks up to Shigeru and his smile is less sad, more hopeful this time. Shigeru stares back, still unable to find anything to say.

“When I haven’t messed up and fallen off the wagon, I work for hours on end to make the money to pay for his schooling, as well as everything else we need. It got harder moving from two paychecks to one afterall, but I made it work.” He nods to himself, and Shigeru wonders if it’s actually okay to let the older man ramble on. “But he still hasn’t truly smiled in these three years, not like he used to… until you,” Kyoutani’s father brings his gaze back up to Shigeru and Shigeru feels himself straighten on the stool. “Shigeru, I… I don’t know exactly what Kentarou feels about you, but to see him smile at you and actually invest himself in something good… I’m glad he got the TiMER and that you came into his life.”

Shigeru gulps, and he can’t look away from Kyoutani’s father. “I… I don’t think I really do anything.”

Kyoutani’s father huffs a small laugh and his smile finally looks genuine. “Shigeru, Kentarou’s got some real feelings for you, whether he knows it or not. Believe me, you’re doing something. If there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know. Mizuki only wanted one thing in this world after she had him, and that was to never see him broken in any form.”

He takes the plate from in front of Shigeru to take care of it and Shigeru can’t bring himself to protest. Shigeru stares down at the counter, feeling the heat in his cheeks return as he considers Kyoutani’s father’s words.

When he hears the sink come on for the dishes to be cleaned, Shigeru moves off the stool and slowly makes his way back to Kyoutani’s room.

Shigeru stands in the doorway of the dark room, staring at the shadowed form of Kyoutani in the bed. He can’t tell if he’s awake, but Shigeru doesn’t care. He waits for a moment, just watching the way Kyoutani’s chest rises and falls from his breathing.

He finally moves forward, his heartbeat getting faster the closer he gets. Shigeru gulps before he climbs into the bed, a groggy groan coming from Kyoutani before his sluggish form pulls him into a hug. Kyoutani doesn’t say anything, but Shigeru doesn’t need him to as he settles into his arms.

Kyoutani’s soft breathing evens out, and Shigeru stares up at the shadows of the ceiling fan as it spins. There’s no way to avoid it anymore, not after the last two days. Shigeru has fallen in love with his soulmate, Kyoutani Kentarou.


	13. Chapter Twelve

“He is here, huh?” He’s not quite awake yet to fully register what is being said by the unknown voice. Kentarou shifts at the words, but he doesn’t open his eyes. Yahaba’s warmth keeps him steady and he pulls him a little closer in his sleepy state of mind.

“I’m so glad he’s safe,” a second voice - female this time - says, quieter than the first. “We’re sorry if this inconvenienced you, Kyoutani-san.”

“Not at all, and please - call me Takeo,” Kentarou’s brows furrow from his father’s voice, and he stretches his legs a little under the bedsheet. “Let’s go back to the kitchen - I don’t want to wake the boys.”

He listens for the footsteps as they leave the hall before stretching more, pulling Yahaba even closer. “... Ken…?” He hears the soft whisper, and Kentarou slowly opens his eyes to glance down at his chest where he presses Yahaba close. “... my parents are here…”

Kentarou gulps, loosening his hold but not letting go. Yahaba shifts away, but he stays close enough to look up into Kentarou’s eyes. “Is that who I just heard?” He whispers back, and Yahaba nods. “... shit…”

“Yeah,” Yahaba breathes, moving to look over Kentarou’s shoulder at his bedroom door. “I… I want to know what they’re telling your dad…”

Kentarou nods, sitting up to stretch out his back. “Let’s go find out,” he murmurs, standing from the bed. Yahaba follows, and they move as quietly as possible out of the room and towards the kitchen. They stop just before the corner, leaning forward to listen into the quiet conversation between their parents.

“... it was close to ten when we realized Shigeru wasn’t in his room,” they hear his mother say, and the two glance between themselves. “I’m so ashamed, we had thought Shigeru had gone to bed and left him be.”

“Honestly, it seemed like he needed some time to himself after an entire day of asking if we were sure about our decision,” Yahaba’s father continues, and Kentarou frowns.

He hears his father grunt before he replies, “well, from what Kentarou told me, it didn’t seem like you were gonna let the two figure out their relationship.”

A sigh from Yahaba’s parents makes Kentarou narrow his eyes. “Honestly, Takeo, I was more concerned with him lying to us than who his soulmate was,” Yahaba’s father starts and Kentarou scowls. “We’re not changing our minds - we told Shigeru the truth yesterday, he’s allowed to be with Kentarou if that’s what he wants.”

Kentarou puts his hand to Yahaba’s shoulder to stop him from rushing in, and Yahaba stares up at him. He shakes his head in return, and with a glance into the kitchen, he tries to tell Yahaba to listen to them continue. Yahaba settles back in beside him, and they return their attention to their parents.

“Eiji almost reconsidered it last night after dinner when we thought Shigeru was in his room,” Yahaba’s mother says, and Kentarou feels Yahaba become tense at that, “but I reminded him of what my mother had been like when we were their age.”

Kentarou’s father speaks up then, “what do you mean?”

Yahaba’s mother doesn’t answer right away, but when she does, she sounds ashamed. “We were still kids when the TiMER came out, so we were among the first to receive TiMERs at sixteen. My mother… she expected a lot from me.”

Yahaba’s father scoffs, cutting his wife off. “More like demanded everything to be her way…”

“Right…” Yahaba’s mother sounds sad at this, and Kentarou turns to stare at Yahaba. His own face appears confused, and Kentarou squeezes the hand on Yahaba’s shoulder in reassurance. “It was… not a healthy relationship. But when I got the TiMER, and immediately met Eiji after, I was told he wasn’t a good soulmate and wouldn’t be allowed to see him because he threw a wrench in my mother’s plans for me.”

“That old hag thought I wasn’t good enough for Yumi and tried to pay me off to never see her again,” Yahaba’s father cuts in. “Said I wouldn’t amount to anything and that Yumi would be held back if I stayed with her. So we ran away and eloped when she turned eighteen, and then we had Shigeru soon after.”

Kentarou’s staring at Yahaba and he can tell that he’d never heard this story from his parents. Yahaba slowly turns to stare at Kentarou and his mouth is hanging open in shock.

“Eiji’s parents let us stay with them the first couple of years after having Shigeru until we could fend for ourselves, and by the time Shigeru was nine, I had completely lost contact with my mother.” Yahaba’s mother sighs again, and Kentarou moves his hand down Yahaba’s arm to hold his hand. “Eiji and I were so focused on being the perfect parents to a perfect child, that we didn’t even realize we didn’t actually know Shigeru.”

Yahaba’s father picks up the story then, “we had promised ourselves when he was born that we wouldn’t be like Yumi’s abusive mother, but… I guess in our desperation to prove her wrong about us, we ended up doing to Shigeru what she had done to Yumi.” Yahaba’s hand squeezes Kentarou’s then, and he squeezes it back. “I’m just glad we never got to the point of _hitting_ him; Shigeru… he deserves better than that.”

“Which is why when he told us how we didn’t even know who he was or that we didn’t pay close enough attention to him that we both agreed to let him be with Kentarou,” Yahaba’s mother hurries to say, as though embarrassed by the mention of physical abuse. “Eiji and I… we don’t want to keep Shigeru from whatever he wants, we want him to be happy. So we spent the evening talking about it to better wrap our heads around it and when we were both settled, we went to Shigeru’s room to reassure him one last time that we wouldn’t change our minds and—”

“He wasn’t there,” Yahaba’s father murmurs, his voice hollow. “We both panicked and went driving around to look for him, and even though we considered that he went here, we both thought back to what things were like for us and, well…”

“My mother’s first place to look for me was always Eiji’s apartment, so we figured Shigeru would make sure to do the opposite and go somewhere else,” his mother sheepishly admits. “Plus, it was so late we weren’t sure if you’d be awake.”

Kentarou’s father grunts in understanding, “I’m not actually sure when Shigeru got here. From the looks of things, he’d been here all night. We did have pancakes at midnight though, so we were awake then.”

There’s a pause. “Pancakes…? At midnight?” Yahaba’s mother asks, sounding curiously confused.

Kentarou’s father chuckles. “Just something my wife used to do for me, and I had a feeling the boys would want something sweet to help with their troubles.”

Yahaba’s parents give soft laughs at this, and it’s clear they’re both relieved about something. “Thank you for letting him stay here last night, Takeo,” his father says, and Kentarou’s father chuckles in response. “You’re certainly a better parent than we are…”

“That’s not true,” Kentarou’s father counters. “You just want the best for Shigeru, and I don’t blame you - I want the same for Ken. It’s hard to know what that is or how to achieve it, but if my wife left me anything, it was the drive to make sure Kentarou was always happy. So I give him what he wants - but it’s hard to know what that is when he won’t talk to me.” Kentarou slowly turns his attention to the kitchen, gaping at his father’s words. “You just have to be patient and soon you’ll have your answer. For you two, I think you’ve found your problem and you know your solution - just talk to him.”

Yahaba’s mother hums in agreement, and she sounds tired when she speaks next. “I just wish I knew why Shigeru left without a word.”

Kentarou’s still stuck on what his father said to keep his grip on Yahaba’s hand, and he watches without really registering what’s happening as Yahaba walks into the kitchen. “Because I heard you two talking last night and, well, it sounded like you were going to keep me from Kentarou,” Yahaba says, gaining the attention of the adults.

Kentarou moves forward, but he doesn’t walk into the kitchen. Looking to their parents, he sees that Yahaba’s parents are seated at the island with coffee before them, and his own father is standing across from them, leaning forward onto the counter to speak with them. He gulps, looking between Yahaba’s parent’s and their shocked expressions before his mother shoots up from her stool and hurries toward Yahaba.

Her hair's a mess, and it looks like neither of them had been to sleep. Her makeup is slightly smudged and Kentarou thinks it might be evidence that she’d been crying. He watches her embrace Yahaba hurriedly, and he looks away when she starts to sob about how worried she was. Yahaba’s father comes over as well, standing to the side and patting Yahaba’s shoulder, unwilling to break his wife’s hold on their son to hug him as well just yet.

Kentarou shifts behind them into the kitchen, looking to his father. The old man is watching him, and his expression looks just about as exhausted as Yahaba’s parents. The time on the clock behind his father tells him it’s ten in the morning, and he wonders how long his father slept for after the midnight pancakes. Kentarou returns his gaze to his father, and slowly a smile forms on his aged face.

He can’t quite smile back, so Kentarou looks away and turns his attention back to the Yahaba family. Over his mother’s shoulder, Yahaba is watching him, and he looks to be in a daze, as though none of this is real. Kentarou doesn’t blame him - just last night he was telling him that his parents were going to keep him from Kentarou. Now it turns out it was a misunderstanding, and again Kentarou doesn’t blame him for mishearing the conversation. It’s a mistake anyone could make.

His stomach doesn't feel twisted with worry now though, and Kentarou feels himself relax. Yahaba’s free from his parents’ and their expectations, and he can be with Kentarou if he wants to be. And yet, Kentarou isn’t quite sure.

Two nights ago Yahaba was whispering his love into Kentarou’s ear as they climaxed together, and last night he held Kentarou close so he could cry over his mother. Instead, he had quietly cried over his fears of this thing he has with Yahaba, and to make matters worse, now it was getting less possible for him to lose the other.

Kentarou gulps, knowing this means there’s a possibility of falling for Yahaba now that all obstacles are alleviated. Yet, despite knowing he probably won’t be losing Yahaba anytime soon, Kentarou feels dread at the prospect of losing Yahaba in some other way. He’s spent three years in a dark place - death could come at any moment and in any form.

He doesn’t like the thought of being anything like his father, and over the next week, Kentarou does what he can to keep Yahaba from seizing him completely. Luckily for him, Yahaba’s parents seem to have plans for the time off from school and volleyball, giving Kentarou time to truly think this over.

Time he never asked for, and he certainly didn’t want to take in order to think about it all. Kentarou had done so well with not thinking about it that suddenly having the time to think about everything has caused a million worries to flood his brain and bring him into a panic.

Still, he doesn’t let himself think of the word he knows is hanging there. Kentarou settles back into the dark corner of his mind and forces himself to feel numb, to avoid contact and discussion about Yahaba in order to stop his heart from pounding in excitement, to keep his stomach from leaping in joy and nerves he can’t keep down. There’s nothing stopping his mind from dreaming over Yahaba, and he would try not to sleep, but training camp is around the corner and Yahaba’s fresh in his mind every day he wakes up that week.

He’s taken too many cold showers trying to keep from thinking about him the rest of the morning.

So when he walks up to the school and the club room the morning of the training camp, Kentarou stops dead upon seeing Yahaba at the front gate. A vacation to spend with his parents and not being able to see Kentarou should have helped Kentarou get past all these stupid butterflies and the pounding in his chest and Kentarou feels his insides turn to mush when Yahaba turns and smiles at him.

“I’m glad you decided to still come,” Yahaba says, reaching out for Kentarou’s hand. Kentarou doesn’t pull away, too stuck in this shoujo manga bullshit moment to really do anything in response. “... are you okay?”

Kentarou hates his brain and the sparkles it produces around Yahaba and he wants to tell himself to fuck off because this is ridiculous. He didn’t see Yahaba for a week, why the hell is he even more attractive?! “Fine… didn’t hear from you.”

Yahaba laughs, letting go of Kentarou’s hand. He figures it’s because his own hold was weak, but Kentarou couldn’t bring himself to hold Yahaba’s hand in return. “Yeah, we didn’t have good cell service. My parents kind of regret not bringing you along, but… we really needed that time together, you know?”

“Glad it all worked out,” Kentarou grunts, unable and unwilling to say anything more. It doesn’t seem to bother Yahaba, and he smiles sweetly - _fuck off shoujo sparkles!_ \- before leading the way to the club room. Kentarou focuses on anything else but Yahaba, trying not to watch the way his body moves as he walks and doing all that he can to bring his heartrate down.

He enters the clubroom behind Yahaba and immediately Yahaba is pulled into a conversation with other guys in their year. Kentarou doesn’t bother joining in, noticing that a few look at him with trepidation and he scoffs to himself before moving to a far wall to lean against. He sees Hanamaki and Matsukawa send him a look, but he chooses to ignore it. Briefly he wonders where Watari is, hopeful the other second year will talk to him so he doesn’t stick out so much when he sees Oikawa enter.

It’s… odd to see Oikawa alone. What’s even more odd is this expression of doom on Oikawa’s face, especially without Iwaizumi close by. Kentarou watches him with caution, and he begins to wonder where Iwaizumi is.

Oikawa’s looking around at all those who have shown up so far, and Kentarou avoids his gaze. It’s hard to do so though, and Kentarou glares when Oikawa’s eyes linger on him.

Kentarou screams internally to himself when Oikawa decides to move towards him, and there’s a look on his face that suggests he doesn’t think Kentarou belongs there. Kentarou hopes if he glares hard enough, Oikawa would just leave him be - Iwaizumi gave him permission and even asked the coaches. He can be there if he wants to be.

“What are you doing here, Mad Dog-chan?” Oikawa asks in the fakest sweet voice Kentarou has ever heard. He scowls back and Oikawa lifts one brow in response. He looks even worse up close, and Kentarou figures Oikawa didn’t get much sleep recently.

“Iwaizumi-san already gave me permission to be here,” Kentarou snaps back, adjusting his hold on his arms. Oikawa just stares at him, his lips pursing as though he doesn’t believe him. “The coaches approved it too, left it up to Iwaizumi-san to tell you.”

Oikawa’s face darkens at the mention of Iwaizumi saying anything to him, and Kentarou gets the feeling something happened. He briefly recalls Iwaizumi looking like death had warmed over during finals, but he didn’t think his worries about love would affect him and Oikawa this badly.

Yahaba appears beside Oikawa then, looking between Oikawa and Kentarou. “Everything okay, Oikawa-senpai?”

“Yeah, everything is just fine,” Oikawa answers, and Kentarou cringes at how he’s attempting to sound nice when it’s clear he’s pissed off about something.

Yahaba gives him a look. “You sure about that?”

“He’s just pissed because his boyfriend didn’t tell him I was here,” Kentarou grumbles, and Oikawa snaps a glare at him. Kentarou hates to admit is surprises him, and the wall behind him keeps him from moving further back. Oh yeah, something definitely happened. “Or… not his boyfriend?”

Oikawa’s eyes burn with an anger that Kentarou doesn’t think is meant to be aimed at him. “ _Never_ my boyfriend.”

Oikawa turns on his heels and he storms from the club room, everyone silent as they stare after him. Kentarou blinks once before glancing to Yahaba, and Yahaba slowly turns back to him.

“Well that’s not good,” Hanamaki mumbles just loud enough that most of them hear, and they all quietly agree.

Kentarou watches Yahaba, and Yahaba sends him a sad smile before returning to the other second years he was talking to. Kentarou turns his focus to the floor and he digs his fingers into his biceps. Yahaba said he was in love with Kentarou, whether he remembers it or not. Kentarou though… 

Love is far too complicated to deal with these days. If not even Oikawa and Iwaizumi - the most obvious of all soulmates - can figure out, how could he?

———

Shigeru wipes away the sweat from his brow during their break, plopping down beside Watari with a grin. “Hey, your recieves are getting better.”

“So’s your serves,” Watari breathes before gulping down water from his bottle. “Kyoutani’s got a fierce serve though, I feel like my arms are going to fall off if I keep trying with him. It’s almost as bad as Oikawa…”

He laughs before grabbing his own water bottle and opening it. Shigeru puts it to his lips, taking a swig of the cool water as he glances to where Kyoutani is standing. Hanamaki is talking to him about something, and Kyoutani, for once, is listening to him. Shigeru pauses from drinking more, watching Kyoutani lift his shirt to wipe at his face as he nods. He’s unable to keep himself from looking, and Shigeru licks his lips as he stares.

Shigeru still regrets not getting the chance to kiss his way down those abs, and he feels himself staring for far too long. When Watari clears his throat, Shigeru starts and the water in his bottle nearly sloshes out onto him. Recovering, Shigeru puts the bottle to his lips again and sucks down more of the cold liquid, turning his gaze to the floorboards as his face heats.

“You’re too obvious, you know,” Watari mumbles, a chuckle rumbling from him. Shigeru holds back his grin, trying not to feel pleased with himself - Kyoutani’s really attractive now that he’s seen him through intimate moments and soft expressions, and Shigeru isn’t going to deny that he’s pretty lucky. “I’m happy you’re both figuring this out now.”

Shigeru laughs, nodding over to him. “It’s… it’s getting better, I think.”

Watari smiles, “well, just try to keep the PDA to a minimum, yeah?”

Shigeru nods, turning to look out at the team. “Will do, Watari,” he puts a thumb up, scanning the others when his gaze falls on Matsukawa. His upperclassman is watching him carefully, and Shigeru gets the feeling he’s being analyzed in ways he’s not totally comfortable with.

He forces himself to look away, watching Kindaichi and Kunimi go through drills with Oikawa on the other side of the gym. Shigeru feels cold now, and he wonders just what Matsukawa saw that made him look at Shigeru like that.

Later that night, as everyone begins to wind down after dinner and lights out has yet to be called, Shigeru finds himself walking around the side yard of the building they’re staying in with Kyoutani at his side. They’re silent, and the moon hangs above them with plenty of light for them to see where they’re going.

“How was the break for you?” Shigeru asks, gaining Kyoutani’s attention. “I mean, it was only a week long really, but I didn’t really speak to you much, so…”

Kyoutani grunts, and Shigeru frowns. He stops, waiting for Kyoutani to stop as well and turn back to him. Shigeru watches him, sending a questioning look his way. He waits for Kyoutani to say anything at all, but Kyoutani simply stares over at him.

Shigeru shifts his weight between his feet and he crosses his arms. It’s not exactly cold out for an August night, but the warmth he gives himself makes the goosebumps on his flesh die down. “Ken… are you okay?”

“Yahaba, what is this?” Kyoutani asks, and Shigeru stares at him in confusion. “I mean, what are we?”

Shigeru gulps, his mouth falling open but he doesn’t have an answer ready. He blinks once, and decides to go for the obvious. “We’re soulmates…”

“Yeah, but what are we beyond that?” Kyoutani steps forward, and his eyes aren’t as soft as they were when he held Shigeru before. “Because I don’t think we’re dating, but we’re not exactly friends, so… what?”

Shigeru sucks in a deep breath, and his face heats as he fights back a smile. “Do… do you want me to ask you to date me? Is that what’s happening here?”

Kyoutani shakes his head, “no, I… I don’t think that’s what I want.”

Shigeru frowns - the goosebumps return and his body runs cold. “Wait, then… what do you think we are?”

Kyoutani shrugs.

“No, Ken - what are we if we’re not dating?” Shigeru grinds out, and Kyoutani avoids his eyes. “Kentarou, look at me.” Shigeru’s finding it hard to breathe as he waits. Kyoutani hesitates, but he finally looks up. “Kentarou, what are we?”

Kyoutani shakes his head, “I don’t know, probably some fucked up thing that’s only going to end badly.”

Shigeru gapes at him, and his brows furrow. “Wh - what…? How can it end badly, we’re… we’re soulmates!”

“Because I’m not going to let myself become like my dad when you leave!” Kyoutani shouts, and Shigeru takes a step back. “I don’t care if you’re allowed to be with me - one day, you’ll decide to leave or something will happen and I’ll be alone again!”

Shigeru’s chest his pounding and he shakes his head. “Something will…? Ken, I’m not going to _die_ or - or _leave_ you! What the fuck?!”

“Yes you will, because that’s what happens!” Kyoutani snaps, and his face is getting scrunched up in a weird mixture of anger and sadness. Shigeru stares at him, unable to say anything. “I’m not going to fall in love with you, I can’t be like my dad!”

He has no idea where this is coming from, but it hurts and Shigeru feels his fingers twitch towards his arm. He fights it though, and he focuses on Kyoutani’s face. “Ken… what’s going on? Do you not...” Shigeru bites his bottom lip, and he gulps down the anxiety in his throat. “Don’t you feel anything for me?”

Kyoutani scowls and he shakes his head. “Forget about it, Yahaba. I… I can do what we have been doing, but I can’t fall in love with you. You… you need to find someone else to fall in love with.”

Shigeru’s gaping at him, and he’s not sure how to respond. He doesn’t think he’s told Kyoutani anything about his feelings - at least he doesn’t remember saying anything. But it still hurts that Kyoutani would suggest he love someone else and Shigeru’s bottom lip begins to shake.

“So what…? You want to just keep going forward with our physical relationship and just,” Shigeru shrugs, avoiding Kyoutani’s eyes, “ignore the emotional? Because I don’t think I can do that.”

“It’s either that or we can’t be anything,” Kyoutani whispers and Shigeru feels his nose flare up as tears begin to burn behind his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t… I can’t become like my dad.”

“But I won’t _leave you_!” Shigeru shouts, and he begins to breathe heavily. His chest is pounding and his heart feels like it’s going crazy with the amount of emotions he’s trying to keep from flowing. It’s hard to fight the tears, but Shigeru does it. “Ken, I promise I won’t - please don’t… don’t do this.”

Kyoutani is focusing on the grass beneath them and his face is still scrunched in anger. “Yahaba, I don’t love you. Either accept it or…”

“You said you wouldn’t abandon your soulmate!” Shigeru snaps, “this seems a lot like you’re abandoning me!”

Kyoutani grits his teeth and shakes his head. “I can’t love you.”

“Then what was that all about?” Shigeru scowls, and Kyoutani continues to avoid his gaze. “You - you declared that you’d never leave me, and you - you snuck into my room to make sure I was okay! And you held me! You didn’t…” Shigeru shakes his head, and it’s getting harder to keep his nails from scratching at himself. “You didn’t care about the sexual stuff, so why are you suddenly changing your mind…?”

They stand in silence after that, and it’s hard for Shigeru to really hear anything from the nature surrounding them. He’s breathing a little harder than normal, but Kyoutani at least looks as though his own breathing is picking up, as though he is panicking a little too.

“Yahaba, I don’t love you,” Kyoutani murmurs, and Shigeru’s body feels as though an ice bucket was dumped throughout his veins. “I… I’m sorry for confusing you. I won’t do it again.”

Shigeru’s jaw is slack and his eyes are wide as he stands there, watching Kyoutani begin to turn away. He pauses a moment, and Shigeru stiffens in anticipation, but he feels another pang of hurt shoot through him when Kyoutani continues on without looking back.

He’s not sure what to do, and Shigeru feels his knees go weak before he falls into the grass completely. Shigeru stares at the space Kyoutani was standing in and he feels the burning behind his eyes lessen as the tears begin to fall.

He can’t even bring his arm up to scratch, he feels far too exhausted and numb to even try now and Shigeru pulls his knees around to hug them to his chest. His body shakes and he begins to cry, and Shigeru forces his mouth to remain closed in order to keep anyone from hearing his sobs.

A hand ruffles his hair then and Shigeru jumps in surprise, twisting to look up at whoever it is. Matsukawa stands over him, a look of pity on his face.

“You soulmates sure do like to fuck things up for yourselves,” he mumbles before shifting to sit beside Shigeru, his hand moving to pat his back. “I get the feeling you’re in love with him?”

Shigeru sniffles, and he tries to stop himself from crying as he looks at Matsukawa. “I… I thought…”

Matsukawa hums, glancing towards where Kyoutani disappeared to. “Sounds like a complicated situation. Not gonna lie, it’s starting to look like you’re just IwaOi 2.0 to me and Makki.”

“Iwa… what?”

“Look, all I’m gonna say is this,” Matsukawa pushes past his question and Shigeru sniffles, blinking the tears from his eyes. “It’s clear you’re both in love, no matter what Kyoutani is saying. Maybe he just doesn’t realize it yet, and I don’t know what happened before that you were talking about, but… you’re important to him, I can tell. And he’s important to you.”

Shigeru turns his gaze to the grass and he shifts his weight around, the hard ground making it uncomfortable to sit on.

Matsukawa sighs, and he rubs Shigeru’s back again. “I’m not lying - I’ve seen the way you look at each other, and well… love or lust, it doesn’t matter, I’ve seen both from each of you. And honestly, I think he’s just scared to admit he loves you because of whatever happened to his dad. But you can’t force these things. Give it time, you’ll be together soon.”

“Matsukawa-senpai,” Shigeru murmurs, finally looking over to him again, “how do you know for sure…?”

“Because, like you said, you’re soulmates,” Matsukawa gives him a sad smile, “and while I haven’t met mine, I at least know what it’s like to be so love and afraid to lose someone.”

Shigeru blinks, and another tear rolls. “What do you mean?”

“You’re lucky, Yahaba,” Matsukawa says, and his smile falls, “that you met your soulmate when you did. I thought I knew who mine was and was ready to love and cherish him. Instead, my TiMER told me I had to wait two years and… well, Takahiro’s said five.”

Shigeru takes this information in and when he realizes what’s being said, his jaw slowly drops. “You… and Hanamaki-senpai?”

Matsukawa nods once, the corner of his lips attempting a smile but failing miserably. “It… it’s hard to accept the fact that I’m in love with someone when the person I’m meant to be with is waiting for me,” he glances to his wrist, the days section of his TiMER reading out a clear _226_ , “which means that no matter what I do, I’m going to end up leaving Takahiro…”

“I… I’m so sorry,” Shigeru whispers, and he doesn’t know what else he can say.

Matsukawa turns his eyes back to Shigeru and he gives a small chuckle. “It sucks, sure, but it’s even worse when I know that but then there are two sets of soulmates in front of me, acting like idiots and having a hard time accepting they’re so in love.”

Shigeru knows he and Kyoutani are one of the sets, and he gets the feeling Oikawa and Iwaizumi are the other. “But how can you be sure…?”

“Because the way you all look at each other reminds me of my feelings for Takahiro,” Matsukawa answers, “and yet, apparently my feelings aren’t of the purest form and I’m only feeling a fraction of what I could feel once I’m with my soulmate. If my feelings are only a fraction of the love between soulmates, then maybe you guys just aren’t letting yourselves feel that love just yet.”

Shigeru bites his lip, “so why do you care? We’re soulmates who are fucking things up for ourselves, shouldn’t you be… I don’t know, jealous that we ever get to be soulmates with each other?”

“I stopped being jealous in second year when I accepted that what I had with Takahiro wasn’t what the world planned for us,” Matsukawa shrugs and Shigeru doesn’t fight it. He laughs a little, shaking his head suddenly. “And hey, maybe we’ll get lucky and have soulmates who want to keep things platonic and Takahiro and I can stay together - I hear that’s a thing sometimes.”

He nods a little, but Shigeru isn’t sure he’s following very well. “I… I hope things work out for you and Hanamaki-senpai.”

Matsukawa grins, but Shigeru can see it in his eyes that Matsukawa isn’t as hopeful. “Thanks, birthday twin. Now, are you going to let Kyoutani get away with this, or are you going to try to figure out what he really feels?”

Shigeru considers his words a moment, but he shakes his head. “I don’t know… I think for now, I’ll just let Kyoutani stew in his frustration.”

Matsukawa laughs, “yeah, maybe going after him now isn’t the best option. He seemed pretty upset.”

They pulls themselves to a stand and Shigeru smiles up to him. “Thank you, Matsukawa-senpai. I really do hope you and Hanamaki-senpai figure things out.”

“Yeah, and I hope Iwaizumi and Oikawa can figure their shit out too,” Matsukawa scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I lost money on Iwaizumi getting his TiMER when he did, they better figure it out soon.”

Shigeru laughs with him, but he feels completely at a loss as to what Matsukawa is even talking about. “Right… uh, thanks again.”

“Anything for my birthday twin,” Matsukawa says as he ruffles his hair. “Fair warning, Takahiro is going to hear about this, too.”

He nods, waving when Matsukawa beings to walk back to the building. Shigeru takes a deep breath - now that Matsukawa had walked away, the anxiety and sadness he’d felt building up comes back, but it’s not as strong as it was. Shigeru waits a moment, looking up to the moon before he heads back inside the building and to his things.

Watari is playing a card game with other second years, and Kyoutani is nowhere to be found. No one notices him, and Shigeru pulls out the leather bound book his father bought as an apology.

There’s a lock on it, and Shigeru pulls out the key to unlock it, opening it to a new page.

_August 3rd, 2017_

_Training camp was fine. I can feel myself improving and it’s clear everyone else is too. Oikawa-senpai has been running me through drills more and I think I’m beginning to understand the way he runs things. Honestly though, I don’t think I could ever be like him._

_Well, camp was fine until just now. After what happened before the break, I honestly believed that things between Kyoutani and I were getting better and I had hopes that we could actually move further along in the relationship and be something… more. Instead, I receive a slap to the face with him telling me he doesn’t actually love me and it was like as if everything that had happened just didn’t matter._

_I guess I can see why he would want to act like there’s nothing emotionally forming between us. I almost wish I could turn back to what we were before my parents found out, and before Kyoutani grew to be so important to me. Before, it was like the kissing between us just… shut off our minds. Or maybe even numbed ourselves to what was really happening and we got to a point of being able to ignore any emotions until it was too late._

_How do I put this…? Before, the relationship when it started to progress was more of an effort of trying to numb our minds and heart. For me, it was to not be bothered by the idea of being with someone my parents were against. For Kyoutani though, it sounds as though it was to keep from becoming broken more than he already is._

_With my parents accepting this, and Kyoutani’s constant declarations of how he’ll never let me go, the numbness has finally left me and I’ve accepted I’m in love. But apparently I’m in love with an idiot who can’t sort himself out and would rather remain numb to his own feelings._

_I get it - he doesn’t want to become more broken. But I don’t plan on breaking him, so why can’t he just get past this numb feeling and just let me love him?_

Shigeru sighs, putting his pen down and snapping the journal closed, the lock falling into place. Shigeru looks over to the other first years, and he sees Watari glances over to him. Shigeru tries to smile at him, but Watari only looks concerned.

He doesn’t blame him - Shigeru probably looks terrible.

Shigeru stands and moves to join the others, asking to be dealt into the game. They let him in, and Shigeru sits beside Watari, laughing along with the jokes. He tries not to think about to Kyoutani, but when he inevitably does, Shigeru decides to let Kyoutani come to him. He won’t chase after him, and if Kyoutani wants to start something - a relationship, a friendship, a fight - Shigeru will respond in kind.

———

Kentarou throws the rock, listening to it collide with the side of the run down shed before falling down into the grass. He scowls to himself, and as he bends to grab another rock, he’s reminded again of the look on Yahaba’s face before he left.

He can’t believe he did that. Of all the things he wanted and promised himself when it came to Yahaba, the last thing he ever wanted was to break his heart. But that conversation was getting too close to something Kentarou couldn’t begin to consider - didn’t want to consider.

Scowling, Kentarou chucks the rock and feels satisfied from hearing it connect with the sheet metal. He scrapes his nails against his skull, raking his fingers through his short hair in frustration as he screams behind his teeth. Yahaba doesn’t deserve this - he shouldn’t be in love with Kentarou. Kentarou isn’t good for him, and Yahaba should move on now before he falls any further for Kentarou.

Kentarou drops his hands, staring at the grass under his feet. His face shifts, the scrunching of his brow softening as he frowns to himself. He knows it’s not really Yahaba he was trying to save; he knows he’s just trying to keep himself from feeling anything so that he can remain isolated. Remain alone and dead inside and not have to gain the hope that was beginning to surface only to have it crushed when Yahaba left him - or something worse.

“Well, isn’t this a horrible display of anger,” a voice calls out to him, and Kentarou stands straight, scowling to himself again. He knows this annoying voice all too well. He turns, glaring over at Oikawa. “Kyouken-chan, what’s got you so worked up?”

“Fuck off,” he snaps, but Oikawa doesn’t seem put off as he comes closer.

“This wouldn’t have anything to that bullshit you just spouted at my precious kouhai, does it?” Oikawa asks, stopping in front of Kentarou, eyes cold. “It’s like as if you think Yahaba isn’t worth any pain.”

Kentarou bares his teeth, growling at Oikawa, but he can’t think of anything to say.

“He is worth it, isn’t he?” Oikawa mutters, and his voice holds no room for argument. Kentarou again can’t respond, but it doesn’t seem like Oikawa is waiting for an answer. “I know he is to you, because you’re soulmates, and I understand all too well how worth it it all is to suffer for your soulmate.”

Kentarou scoffs, “based on how you were talking, you’re pretty pissed off with Iwaizumi. Doesn’t seem like you’re willing to deal with pain.”

Oikawa narrows his eyes, “Iwa-chan matters a great deal to me and I will suffer for however long as I need to - it’s not my fault he doesn’t seem to feel the same need to care for me as I do for him.”

“Oh please, Iwaizumi is completely in love with you. He just also knows you’re a huge pain and that’s why he won’t accept it.”

Oikawa scowls in discontent and he looks as though he’s holding back the need to lash out at him. The bad lighting from the lamp off the side of the building closest to them makes it hard to tell, but Kentarou thinks he sees a fading bruise on Oikawa’s face.

“Iwa-chan is a coward who’s faking an illness to avoid me,” Oikawa mutters through his teeth and Kentarou blinks at him in confusion. “If he’s really in love with me, then why is he running from me? Why is he avoiding that fact like you are for Yahaba?”

Kentarou stares at him, and he can’t bring himself to continue glaring. “I can’t speak for Iwaizumi, but I’m not avoiding anything with Yahaba… why do you care anyway?”

“Because I missed my chance to be a good senpai in middle school,” Oikawa answers, “to be a good mentor to a younger setter. I’ve taken Yahaba under my wing, and I expect great things from him. Sure, maybe he won’t be better than me, but I do expect him to be one of the best. And he can’t do that if he’s hung up on some asshole who can’t accept his feelings.”

Kentarou’s glare returns full force. “So what, you’re going to compare Yahaba to you? He’s not some crybaby who can’t handle having his love rejected, and he’s not going to be so overcome with that rejection that he’ll fuck up his chances with volleyball. Don’t think no one’s noticed, Oikawa. You’re not doing so well.”

“I’m fine,” Oikawa insists, voice cutting. “Iwa-chan…” He takes a deep breath, correcting himself, “Iwaizumi may have given up, but I won’t. It’s too important.”

“You clearly have,” Kentarou shakes his head, “and by the way, I highly doubt Iwaizumi’s running from this. I don’t think he’s faking a sickness because that’s not the type of man he is. He cares about you, and he will come back for you.”

Oikawa doesn’t look convinced. “And you…? What are you going to do about Yahaba and your… _feelings_ you claim you don’t have?”

Kentarou keeps his gaze steady, but internally he feels himself begin to doubt his choices. “I… what should I do?”

Oikawa actually looks surprised. “Is Kyouken-chan asking the great Oikawa-san for advice…?”

He scowls, “nevermind…”

“Wait!” Oikawa reaches out, stopping Kentarou from leaving. “Look, I… I don’t understand why you want to avoid your feelings for Yahaba, but to fall in love with your soulmate and be loved in return… who wouldn’t want that?”

Kentarou avoids his gaze. “I can’t fall in love with him…”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Kentarou frowns as he considers this. “... I can’t…”

“And why not?” Oikawa puts his hands to his hips. “What’s keeping you from falling in love?”

He stares down at his feet again, at the little rocks he’d been throwing at the shed. “It’s… it’s complicated.”

“Oh Kyouken-chan, I think I have just as complicated of a situation as you do,” Oikawa sighs, his voice sounding as though he’s drifting away into his thoughts. Kentarou looks up at him, watching his wistful expression shift to a serious one. “Just promise me this; don’t let Yahaba suffer for too long. He has a long road ahead of him, and letting him break now over a love that should be simple isn’t going to help.”

Kentarou gulps, staring at the captain. “I won’t promise that.”

“Then leave the team and never come back,” Oikawa says firmly, and Kentarou blanches. “I won’t let you be here if you’re going to cause a member of my team pain. If you ever do come back, then I expect it to mean you’re coming back to fix what you broke with Yahaba.”

He clenches his jaw and feels his nails dig into his palms as he squeezes his fists. “... fine, but shouldn’t you be more worried about Iwaizumi and his feelings for you than my feelings for Yahaba?”

Oikawa raises a brow at him. “You said you think Iwaizumi cares about me - so what is it that you feel for Yahaba? Do you love him?” Kentarou keeps his mouth shut, glaring at Oikawa. “I won’t tell him; that’s something you should tell him yourself.”

Kentarou takes a deep breath, his back stiff as he considers Oikawa’s words. “I…” If he does, then he hurt Yahaba for no reason. But the fact of them matter is, Kentarou has been avoiding the word the whole week he was alone to his thoughts. And the reason he avoided it is because he couldn’t let himself believe it, but he knew he already did. “I’m in love with him…”

Oikawa reaches out, patting Kentarou’s shoulder. “Now what will you do?”

He doesn’t know how to answer, and Oikawa doesn’t seem to want to hear it. He turns and walks away from Kentarou, and Kentarou watches him go, feeling terrible for admitting the feelings he was denying himself to someone other than Yahaba.

Kentarou returns to the second year’s room right before they’re told to get some sleep, and Yahaba has already tucked himself into his futon. Kentarou avoids looking at him, and avoids Watari’s questioning gaze. He does what he can to fall asleep, but he doesn’t remember ever falling asleep.

The next day is nothing but drills before they head home, and Kentarou resigns himself to a seat by himself, knowing Yahaba won’t join him. Watari is looking between them when he climbs onto the bus, but he doesn’t question it.

They’re meant to have a practice match when they get back, but when he climbs off the bus, Oikawa stops him and reminds him of what they talked about. “You may have confessed to me what you feel for him,” Oikawa murmurs, “but you still have a lot of self discovery you need to do.”

Kentarou doesn’t fight him, and he doesn’t hesitate before hurrying to leave the school grounds. When he gets home, his father isn’t there and Kentarou collapses onto his bed in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I apologize for my horrible grammar every now and then, I'll go fix it up when I have the chance!)


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Shigeru did everything he could to not think about the heavy absence of Kyoutani amongst the team - or rather, the absence of him beside Shigeru. Watari didn’t ask, and he avoided ever mentioning Kyoutani. Shigeru guesses Watari put two and two together and figured it out on his own.

He tries not to think of the night before training camp ended, or the sight of Kyoutani leaving the school as soon as he got off the bus. Shigeru had clenched his jaw then and turned his back on the front gate, hurrying to the gym for a practice match he didn’t even want to do.

After that, most people on the team avoided him. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were watching him, but when Iwaizumi came back after a week of being sick, the two turned their attention to the broken duo of their captain and ace. Shigeru had joined the rest of the team in watching that train wreck of Oikawa and Iwaizumi furiously practicing their serves and never once looking to one another.

Shigeru was almost grateful for the two to be having their dispute now - it took attention off of him and his own heartbreak. Everyone on the team whispered about it, and avoided Oikawa and Iwaizumi as though one would bite their heads off. He wanted to ask, but Shigeru joined the others in avoiding their upperclassmen.

The practice with the local college was interesting enough - seeing Oikawa work so well with people he’d only just met was amazing and Shigeru felt so inadequate on the other side of the net. Iwaizumi stood by him, and he never once told Shigeru to change his toss or that it was just slightly off. Shigeru knew he hadn’t done well that day - it was hard to remember how Iwaizumi spiked before then, what sort of tosses worked best for the ace when it had been weeks since Iwaizumi last spiked. Shigeru couldn’t remember Oikawa’s form for setting to Iwaizumi, and while Iwaizumi continued to spike the terrible tosses, it was clear without him saying it that Iwaizumi just wasn’t satisfied.

He appreciated the kind words though, and Shigeru apologised without prompt when Iwaizumi would spike and have a small frown on his face. Iwaizumi told him it was fine, but Shigeru knew it wasn’t true.

After that practice, Shigeru continued to practice his setting, but Iwaizumi and Oikawa had gone back to serving practice on opposite sides of the gym. It was almost heartbreaking to see the two of them ignoring each other, and Shigeru began to wonder if anyone else was picking up on the tension as much as he was.

The first years didn’t seem to get it really, or completely notice. Kindaichi and Kunimi might have, and they both were often seen watching their captain and vice-captain with small frowns of worry. Hanamaki and Matsukawa whispered to one another a lot more, subtle glances to the broken duo telling Shigeru who they were talking about. Watari would sigh after every practice, shaking his head as Oikawa or Iwaizumi left without a word to the other.

It felt like forever over the next few weeks as the team dealt with Oikawa and Iwaizumi not speaking to one another, and it seemed as though nothing could be done to bring them together again. Those who still hadn’t picked up on their avoidance of one another couldn’t place what felt wrong about the practices, or what made the atmosphere so cold whenever they entered the gym. Shigeru wondered more and more about whether or not their ace would even be able to spike in actual games when the tournament came in October.

Finally, it all came to a head when the coaches took notice that morning. Matsukawa and Hanamaki aren’t being subtle this time, and the coaches watch them oddly before they finally look to where Oikawa and Iwaizumi are on opposite sides of the gym. Shigeru takes a deep breath, waiting for what would come next.

Irihata sighs, stepping forward before he calls out, “Oikawa, Iwaizumi! Get over here!”

Everyone stops, and Shigeru glances around to see the rest of the team were trying to be subtle about it. Oikawa and Iwaizumi don’t move for a moment, and Shigeru looks between them to see who would move first. When Iwaizumi gives in sooner, his respect for the coaches outweighing his discomfort of being anywhere near Oikawa making him turn and hurry over to Irihata. Oikawa’s shoulders become rigid before he finally gives in and moves to do the same.

Shigeru doesn’t try to hide his staring like the rest of the team, and he watches Irihata speak to them. Oikawa and Iwaizumi keep their focus on the older man, and when he stops talking, there’s a beat of silence throughout the whole gym.

A flare of annoyance radiates from the duo, and Shigeru watches them finally snap their gazes to each other in a heated glare before they turn in unison and move towards the court, Iwaizumi grabbing a ball.

No one is trying to hide their focus now, and Shigeru thinks no one is breathing as they stare out at them. His heart is pounding, and Shigeru wonders if he’s hopeful that the soulmate pair before him can fix their broken bond or if he’s terrified this won’t work.

It all seems to move in slow motion - Iwaizumi’s toss of the ball for Oikawa to set, his run up, Oikawa’s slow movements in preparation of the set, the moment Iwaizumi jumps for the spike. Shigeru is leaning forward with everyone else, watching with bated breath and he feels his heart leap from his chest, screaming for Iwaizumi to spike the ball, hopeful the two would be okay.

Iwaizumi’s hand connects smoothly, Oikawa’s toss for their ace as perfect as usual, and Iwaizumi fiercely pounds the ball into the ground on the other side of the net. The sound of the ball’s impact releases everyone’s breath and the collective sigh of relief settles over them. Shigeru’s heart is still pounding, and he watches Iwaizumi slowly turn to stare at Oikawa.

The way they look at one another feels far too personal for Shigeru to be privy to, but he can’t look away. Whatever had broken them - a disagreement, a fist fight, a love denied - didn’t seem to matter for them. But Shigeru could still feel it; just because Iwaizumi and Oikawa still could sync up without a glance or a word spoken didn’t mean they were completely repaired. Right now, as they stared at one another, it was clear that this look wasn’t like the other ones they have shared.

They weren’t communicating like they used to.

Shigeru frowns amongst the cheers of their teammates, and he wonders if his own soulmate would ever come back to him. If he could ever try again with Kyoutani and prove to him they were meant to be.

He hears the doors open before anyone else, and Shigeru looks over to see Kyoutani strolling in, eating his favorite chicken and a look on his face that suggested he didn’t have a care in the world.

Shigeru expected his heart to leap with joy at the sight of the man he loved, but instead he felt his body burn with anger and frustration. Weeks of not seeing him, and the first time he sees Kyoutani again is when the other rudely comes back to the team, acting as though nothing happened and that he belonged.

Storming over to him, Shigeru brings the other’s attention to the doors as well. “Hey!” He bellows, and Kyoutani doesn’t meet his eyes. Shigeru clenches his jaw, “if you’re going to show up after all this time, the least you can do is greet us properly!”

Kyoutani doesn’t even get a chance to answer him, still chewing around the chicken, but he’s at least looking to Shigeru’s chest. He won’t meet his eyes, and Shigeru feels his body shake in anger.

Oikawa’s voice cuts through and Kyoutani snaps his attention to the captain, a glare on his face. “Now now, Yahaba,” he says, and Shigeru turns to look at him too. Oikawa’s not looking at him, and he sees that Oikawa has left Iwaizumi behind. His focus is on Kyoutani, and there’s a smile there that Shigeru can’t quite place. “Long time no see,” Oikawa sing songs, “I’ve been waiting for you! Welcome back, Mad Dog-chan.”

Shigeru stares at Oikawa in confusion, wondering why he’s so happy that Kyoutani has come back. The first years seem confused, and it’s clear they don’t know much about Kyoutani even after the brief training camp.

He turns his attention back to Kyoutani, glaring at him. Kyoutani doesn’t bother looking to him, and while Shigeru can feel the stab of pain from being ignored like that, he feels his annoyance towards the other grow even more.

———

Kentarou glares at the chicken in the convenience store and knew he was dawdling too much. It was rude of him to take this long, he knew, but he still wasn’t used to the practice times and part of him almost regrets coming back as late as he did.

Nearly a month of sitting alone in his room and thinking about going back had put Kentarou into a sour mood. Oikawa - that fucking asshole - had been pretty clear that Kentarou shouldn’t come back until he was ready to face Yahaba. And with every day that passed, Kentarou didn’t think he should.

Now he’s late to practice, standing in a convenience store, wearing the jersey he doesn’t deserve, and the only thing he can think about it Yahaba and how he’d reacted to Kentarou since he came back.

It had been hard to return when he did. Kentarou had hesitated outside the doors, and when he heard the cheers from everyone inside, he had hoped he wouldn’t ruin the mood. When Yahaba had turned to look at him, he immediately felt as though he should leave. He couldn’t meet Yahaba’s eyes, and the way Yahaba’s tone cut into him had made Kentarou want to run.

But Oikawa had greeted him with that cruel smile of his and it was hard to try and run when everyone had heard their captain accept Kentarou’s return. Only he and Oikawa knew that his return had a little less to do with volleyball and more to do with Yahaba.

If Oikawa hadn’t made the ultimatum, he would have never left after the training camp. Maybe if he had stuck around like he had wanted to, it would have been easier to approach Yahaba and apologise. Now it seemed impossible, and that Kentarou had come back too late.

Every day since he came back, Yahaba was horrible to him. It felt like March had never happened and that Kentarou’s TiMER had never gone off with Yahaba’s. But he sees the zeroes every time he looks down, and he knows that people don’t just fall out of love so soon.

But it’s not impossible, and Kentarou’s negative mind keeps reminding him that he fucked up. He’s already lost Yahaba and he never even got the chance to tell him his real feelings. How could he even begin to think that just coming back would fix everything?

Talking was never a strong point of his. Kentarou scowls, grabbing the chicken and hurrying over to the register to pay. He leaves the store in a hurry, tearing open the wrapper and biting into the chicken without a second thought. He’s trying to think of what he’ll say this time - he’s already late, and he doesn’t expect to be let off easily by Yahaba, the only one of the team giving him a hard time.

In a way though, everyone was giving a hard time. They all took to Oikawa’s horrible nickname and he scowled every time they used it instead of his actual name. Watari sent him encouraging smiles every time someone particularly annoyed him, but it was clear his almost friend didn’t want to save him. He’s stuck by Yahaba, and Kentarou can’t say he blames him.

The other second years though were clearly on Yahaba’s side in response to his return, and even then it wasn’t because of Kentarou breaking Yahaba’s heart. It was because they felt cheated by Kentarou coming back and taking a starting position, that he was given special treatment while they had been working hard and got nothing from it. He couldn’t give two shits about them, however. The only second year he concerned himself with was Yahaba - and slightly Watari, who doesn’t whine like the rest of them.

He noisily eats his chicken, trying to hurry his way to the school. Kentarou isn’t overly concerned, knows only Yahaba will scold him for being late (and while it sounds weird, he looks forward to it, if only because Yahaba is speaking to him). As he passed by an empty lot though, something catches his eye and he stops.

A cardboard box sits in the middle of the lot, completely odd in it’s place there among the tall grass. Kentarou hesitates, looking around. He probably would have never stopped, never taking notice of this lot before if it weren’t for the box. Looking at it, Kentarou considers what to do as he stomps through the thick grass to the box.

He doesn’t think twice before peeking into the box, and Kentarou narrows his eyes. “... fur…?” Within the box is a light brown ball of fur, slightly smaller than a volleyball, and wrapped within an old, matted towel. Kentarou reaches forward, crouching to get closer to touch the ball when he suddenly sees eyes. He nearly falls back, “it had eyes!” Surprised, he takes a second look.

The ball has unwound itself, the little mouth opening for a tongue to lawl out in a typical dog grin. Kentarou blinks, realizing what it is.

“A dog…”

It’s more of a puppy, but it seems happy to see Kentarou, like every dog he’s ever come acros. A little tail begins to thump in the box and Kentarou watches it for a moment. It doesn’t have a collar, but Kentarou suddenly remembers how late he is for practice and while he likes Yahaba speaking to him, he doesn’t want the lecture to be worse if he’s even more late.

Turning to leave, Kentarou moves to take another bite of chicken when he hears something shuffle behind him. He glances back in time to see the puppy tumble it’s way out of the box. He watches it for another moment, seeing it recenter itself and look up to Kentarou with big, shining eyes. It whines a little, it’s tail wagging about.

He glances down to the chicken and figures the puppy wants his food. It’s moving closer to Kentarou, and while he feels bad for the puppy, he doesn’t have time for this. He shoves the last of the chicken into his mouth, folding up the packaging and putting it into his pocket. Kentarou hurries to leave then, figuring it would be the last time he sees the puppy.

Still, it had been sweet and was trying to follow him. He tried to remind himself it only followed because of his food, and that was that. Ignoring the puppy is a lot easier when he reminds himself that he’ll be seeing Yahaba soon.

But with Yahaba came practice, and practice meant dealing with exhausting people who probably hated him, having to listen to Oikawa and the other third years who also clearly didn’t like him, and having Yahaba glare at him most of the time. Everything about this team was terrible except for their skills, and even then it didn’t make up for the hard time he was having coming together with them as a team should.

It also didn’t help that his frustration was getting harder and harder to reel in. Kentarou wanted so badly to come together with Yahaba again, but his soulmate wouldn’t give him the time of day unless he was yelling at him. In his mind, Kentarou knew fixing things with Yahaba would help him figure out a way to calm down, but he also knew that it wasn’t going to be easy.

Yahaba has every reason to be mad at Kentarou. He just wishes he hadn’t taken so long to return.

Yelling at everyone else helped relieve his frustrations and confusion of what he should do, but it wasn’t helping get on their good side. Kentarou considers trying to talk to Watari at least, but even that seemed like a bad idea.

Something seems to be on his pant leg and Kentarou stops to look down and inspect it. His eyes nearly widen when he sees the puppy from before had attached itself to him. Kentarou stares at it, and the puppy looks up at him with it’s big shining eyes, a soft sound coming from it before it tilts its head, as though asking Kentarou why they stopped.

He doesn’t have food anymore, so why is the puppy still following him. Kentarou dips his head, thinking maybe he smells like meat and that’s why the puppy is still there. He’s not completely sure, so he glares at the puppy. It doesn’t seem to be put off, moving to wrap itself around Kentarou’s leg and crying a little. “... you’re in my way.”

The puppy doesn’t seem to mind, biting at Kentarou’s pant leg and tumbling around, clearly trying to play but crying all the say. He watches it a moment, and for some reason his annoyance at the team and at Yahaba ignoring him comes bubbling up, only now it’s directed at this puppy.

“Becoming attached to anyone and starting to beg food from them is probably what you do,” he growls, and the puppy stops it’s playing to look up at him. “You probably go around stealing people’s convenience store chicken knowing they couldn’t possibly resist a small creature like you, but that’s where you’re wrong,” he says and it feels a little harsh, but he says it all the same.

Attachment is hard to deal with, he gets that. He’s pretty attached to someone that won’t give him the time of day too. But the puppy… Kentarou can’t let himself relate to a puppy right now.

Scowling to himself, Kentarou pulls his leg from the puppy quickly before hurrying his way down the sidewalk. It feels ridiculous to run from a puppy, but he does it anyway. He hears the puppy cry out sadly, but he doesn’t stop and he keeps running. A thought of Yahaba crosses his mind, and how he might react to this scene is considered before he shakes the thought away. He sprints all the way to school, trying not to think of the puppy or of Yahaba.

He pulls open the doors to the gym and the first thing he hears is Yahaba’s voice jeering, “you’re late! Are you actually serious about this?”

Kentarou almost wishes he had more to say, but he avoids Yahaba’s gaze and pulls his jacket off. It hurts to be questioned like that, but Kentarou can’t bring himself to respond. He watches Yahaba as he continues to grumble, but he doesn’t respond, trying to tell himself Yahaba’s annoyance is better than being ignored.

He falls into line for spiking practice, and he hears Yahaba continue to grumble his discontent until Watari finally glares over at him. Kentarou looks to the floor, frowning to himself - he’s not sure if he’s upset Yahaba’s still mad at him, or if he’s upset Watari got him to stop. Oikawa’s watching from the other side of the net, but he doesn’t say or do anything as he continues his own practice.

When it’s Kentarou’s turn to spike, he tries not to let himself think too much about how it’s Yahaba setting to him, throwing the ball to him before his run up. Kentarou watches the toss go up, jumps and spikes it. While it was a good and powerful spike, his landing isn’t so great and he bumps into Yahaba, thinking he might be too aware of him to have kept himself away. They both tumble to ground, halting practice as everyone watches.

“Ow, why would you bump into me?!” Yahaba shouts and Kentarou pulls away, trying to bring himself back to a stand. He watches Yahaba, unable to think an answer. “Watch where you’re going! First you show up late and then you have the guts to do that?!”

Kentarou scowls, glaring at Yahaba. “What does being late have to do with bumping into you?”

Yahaba rolls his eyes, “whatever, I’ve had enough of your excuses. I’m just telling you to take things seriously!”

Kentarou hesitates, wondering if Yahaba was even talking about practice anymore. He pulls himself up, glaring down at Yahaba. Words are forming in his throat and he can’t stop them from spilling out, and he knows they won’t match up to Yahaba’s accusations but he just can’t stop from saying it. “Aren’t you the one who should be taking things seriously?”

He knows it sounds harsh, and he’s really not sure what those words explicitly could mean. It certainly isn’t fair to Yahaba, and Kentarou knows he’s pushing it a little too far. Yahaba’s glare intensifies, and he knows he said the wrong thing. “What did you say?!”

Taking a deep breath, Kentarou tries to keep himself from responding in a way he knows he’ll regret. “... I’m going home,” is what he pathetically decides to say, and Yahaba’s eyes widen.

“Huh?!”

Kentarou turns and hurries from the gym, the team watching in a mixture of confusion and frustration. He knows they’re probably thinking that they don’t need him, that he’s like a waste of space. No one tries to stop him, and he hurries out of the gym.

———

Oikawa has his arms crossed and he’s frowning at Shigeru. “He’s trying, Yahaba…”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” he grumbles, and he avoids Oikawa’s gaze.

“Go bring him back - apologise for yelling at him if you have to,” Oikawa continues, and Shigeru snaps his gaze back up to Oikawa. “Ah!” He wags a finger in Shigeru’s face, and Shigeru bites back his response. “I’m not going to argue with you, and I get something must have happened, but if this team is going to work, we’re all going to need to put our broken hearts aside and deal with our soulmates. Whether we want to or not.”

Shigeru shifts his eyes over to the rest of the team still on the court, more specifically to Iwaizumi, who isn’t even watching them. He supposes if Oikawa can work with Iwaizumi, who has broken his heart like Kyoutani did to him, then Shigeru can do the same. Sighing, he nods and moves to leave the gym after grabbing his jacket.

It’s chilly outside compared to the hot, stuffy gym, but Yahaba doesn’t let the wind bother him. He hurries along the path he’s all too familiar with in the direction of Kyoutani’s home.

Shigeru had been bothered by Kyoutani’s return, more by his reactions to Shigeru than his general handling of the team. The other second years were annoyed by him too, but Shigeru doesn’t listen to their whining and instead focused more on how Kyoutani just didn’t seem to care - both about volleyball and Shigeru himself.

It hurt everyday when he woke up and the first thing he would think is “will I see him today?” Shigeru had considered a few times that he should hold back his annoyance towards Kyoutani, but every damn time Kyoutani walked through the doors of the gym, he felt his frustrations and anger and heartbreak jumble up into a mess within his stomach and it was hard to hold them back.

Those feelings were even harder to hold back when Kyoutani would yell at someone, or do something stupid, and before Shigeru even realizes it, he’s yelling at him. Oikawa and the coaches don’t stop him, but sometimes after practice Oikawa will pull him aside and remind him that Kyoutani is trying.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki on the other hand just shake their heads and refuse to acknowledge Shigeru’s frustration as being practical. Matsukawa had only said one thing to him since Kyoutani’s return, and Shigeru still isn’t sure what he meant by “give it time.”

As he moves along the path, Shigeru pauses beside an empty lot, sighing to himself. However, once he glances into the lot, he immediately notices the Aoba Johsai jersey and perks up. Kyoutani is standing in the middle of the lot, looking down at his feet. Shigeru stares, wondering what he could possibly be doing when he sees a little furball jump playfully at Kyoutani’s feet.

It’s a puppy. Kyoutani is playing with a puppy in an empty lot.

Shigeru watches him a moment, trying to place the feelings he gets seeing Kyoutani play with an adorable puppy. Well, Kyoutani wasn’t really playing, he was just looking at the puppy as it played around his feet. Eventually Shigeru settles on mild annoyance, more at the fact that Kyoutani would rather stand in an empty lot with some puppy than play volleyball with him.

“What is it with you?” Shigeru asks as he moves forward, the tall grass crunching under his feet. Kyoutani stiffens, but he doesn’t turn around. “You could be playing with other dogs, you know?”

Kyoutani turns quickly, stumbling like a dork and Shigeru holds back his laughter at the sight and keeps his glare in place. He’s meant to be upset with Kyoutani, he’s meant to be heartbroken and angry and out for blood.

But the puppy is at Kyoutani’s feet and still trying to play with him and Kyoutani himself is staring at Shigeru with such surprise on his face it’s almost enough to make Shigeru drop his glare.

“You came back to us, and now you’re playing with a dog?” Shigeru’s voice sounds different than he thought it would, but it causes Kyoutani to look around as though he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

That’s when he notices the box.

“Oh, is that an abandoned dog?” Kyoutani nods at his words, and Shigeru wonders if it’s okay to be angry with someone but still ask about their personal life. “Are you going to take in an abandoned dog or something?” He thinks he might sound a bit too excited, but Kyoutani’s been surrounded by dogs before and it seemed off to him that Kyoutani didn’t already own one. But he reminds himself he’s supposed to be upset with Kyoutani and puts on another glare. “This ain’t no shoujo manga, you know!” Huffing, Shigeru continues when Kyoutani snaps a glare at him, “for goodness sake, stop fucking with me! For all I know, you could be planning something awful!”

That wasn’t exactly fair, but Shigeru really has no idea what Kyoutani is trying to do anymore. He broke Shigeru’s heart and left the team before coming back suddenly and the only person actually okay with it seems to be Oikawa.

Kyoutani scoffs, “fuck off, Yahaba. Damn, you’re so fucking crazy… just leave me alone!”

Shigeru doesn’t blink, but his heart stutters and he does his best to keep from reacting at all. Kyoutani doesn’t look him in the eye, and Shigeru wonders what he might be waiting for anymore.

He also wonders why he doesn’t click his tongue and just leave. Instead, he just tightens his hold on his arms and narrows his eyes, “but what are you really doing here, Kyoutani? I don’t buy that you left practice just to play ‘adorable puppy finder,’ and that’s what I’m going to tell anyone that asks, just do you know.”

And it really is adorable because Kyoutani standing over a puppy is probably the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

Kyoutani just glares in response. Shigeru doesn’t waver, watching him in return as he recalls what things used to be like between them before the TiMER - before they clicked and were drawn towards one another. Kyoutani’s behavior had always annoyed him, and his horrible actions towards their upperclassmen had always made Shigeru react negatively. It’s easy to remember why he hated Kyoutani before with this tension of heartbreak and negativity between them, and Shigeru can almost convince himself he’s not really in love.

Almost, but not quite.

Still, Kyoutani was amazing - in volleyball and in some romantic sense. While he denied being in love with Shigeru, his actions over the horrible weekend with his parents had dropped Shigeru so far into the pits of love for Kyoutani that he doesn’t think he could ever claw his way out, even if he wanted to. Kyoutani will make an amazing boyfriend, he’s sure of it. But until then, Shigeru is mad at him, and Kyoutani doesn’t think they should love one another.

Kyoutani turns away by this point, and Shigeru looks back down to the puppy playing with the cuff of Kyoutani’s pants. It’s so adorable and Shigeru can’t bring himself to just leave yet.

Shigeru grinds his teeth, glaring up at Kyoutani again for trying to ignore him. “Why the hell did you even show up late if you were gonna leave and both some abandoned dog?”

Kyoutani’s shoulders tense and he glares back at Shigeru. “I’m not bothering it! This dog just followed me by himself!”

Shigeru purses his lips, deciding to antagonise him a little more. “Are you trying to appeal to girls by telling them animals like you?” It sure as hell is appealing to him, at least.

“What the fuck?!” Kyoutani turns again at that, his face turning pink as he stares at Shigeru with an incredulous expression.

The puppy flops over then, and looks to be falling asleep. Shigeru watches it for a moment, feeling a tug at his heart from how cute it all is. “You know that dog is going to be trouble, right? We have to make sure it’s taken somewhere farther from here.”

Kyoutani stares at him, looking as though he’s thinking. He finally settles on “huh?” and Shigeru does his best to keep from grinning.

“I think I have an idea.”

“Does it involve leaving?”

Shigeru can’t fight the grin now and ends up laughing, feeling like everything about this is just ridiculous. He wants to go back to how things were before the training camp, to hug Kyoutani close. When he stops laughing, he sees Kyoutani staring at him with this sort of awe-struck expression, and Shigeru can’t keep from smiling at that, his face heating. “Sort of…”

Kyoutani raises his brows in response. “I really, really don’t like how you said that…”

Feeling too tired to argue again, Shirgeru waves his hand. “Stop glaring! And anyway, as if I’m going to believe you, you senseless moron. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you ate that dog alive.”

He didn’t mean to say that, but it came out anyway. Kyoutani just scowls deeper and Shigeru wonders how much further he needs to go to get Kyoutani yelling at him.

Shigeru bends down, grabbing hold of the cute puppy from atop of Kyoutani’s shoes. “This puppy needs something to eat; you think you can get some dog food?”

“Sure, I can pull it out of my ass,” Kyoutani snaps, voice heavy with sarcasm.

Shigeru definitely can’t keep from laughing at that, though he tries and ends up snorting a little, smiling to himself before looking up at him. Kyoutani freezes once his eyes are on him, and Shigeru watches him a moment. Shigeru relaxes, looking into Kyoutani’s eyes before he stands and puts the puppy into the box. Lifting the box, Shigeru comes to stand next to Kyoutani and places the box in his hands now. “Hey, we’re going,” Shigeru says without thinking, and he doesn’t say anything else, turning to leave and Kyoutani just stares at him.

“... where?”

Shigeru pauses, looking back at his soulmate with the cardboard box in his hands. “For the meantime, how about the police? They might tell us where to take it at least… anyway, you carry it since you found it. I don’t want to get bitten.”

Kyoutani hesitates, watching Shigeru carefully. His jaw shifts as he considers what to say, and finally he settles on saying “fine. I think you’re out of your mind, but fine.” His voice is as grumpy as he looks.

“Great,” Shigeru nods, and he notices Kyoutani really looking at him with an intense stare. He’s not sure what he could be looking at, but Shigeru doesn’t question it. “Let’s go then, Mad Dog-chan.”

Kyoutani’s gaze immediately shifts to anger and he focuses on Shigeru’s face. “I hate that.”

Shigeru frowns, “you never told us before…”

“Nobody asked.”

Shigeru shifts on his feet, “I mean, I remember you telling Oikawa-san to stop calling you weird names, but I don’t think anyone’s realized that you actually _hate_ it.”

Scoffing, Kyoutani sneers in response, “what a fucking surprise..."

Shigeru watches him a moment, sees him flex his fingers and return to a more calm demeanor. He wonders about that, wonders if Kyoutani has been trying to reel in his anger. He wishes he could help, but Shigeru knows he needs to wait a little longer for Kyoutani to approach him about their relationship.

He can’t force anything right now.

“Whatever,” Kyoutani ends up muttering, moving towards him. “Call me anything you want, just tell me where the fuck we’re going.”

Shigeru considers it a moment, facing Kyoutani head on when he comes to a stop in front of him. “I guess we have a lot to talk about, Kyoutani…”

They most certainly do, and the look on Kyoutani’s face suggests he doesn’t like the idea of talking. Shigeru thinks he might deny him again, but at this point Shigeru thinks he could wait for it to come. Just as long as he knows Kyoutani is trying to come back to him.

Kyoutani’s jaw shifts and he moves his weight to a different foot. “... any reason why?”

Shigeru looks to their feet, considers his words and what would be the best way to put this. “... I’m bored?”

It’s a complete lie, and they both know it. “Try again,” Kyoutani mutters, and Shigeru bites his lip.

“Because you apparently want people to ask you stuff…?” He tries instead, looking back up at Kyoutani. He certainly wants to talk to Kyoutani again, and if Kyoutani is willing to open up again, Shigeru is ready to try again. He wouldn’t mind hearing more about Kyoutani - more about those three years he spent isolating himself, or about what he was like before his mother passed away. More information about Kyoutani’s true feelings for Shigeru, if he’s willing to tell him now. “... and I think that’s cool. I can think of a lot of things to start with.”

Kyoutani scoffs, “obviously if I don’t answer you, you’ll just continue pretending you know everything anyway.” Shigeru frowns, watching Kyoutani’s throat bob as he subtly tries to swallow, and suddenly he feels certain that Kyoutani’s nervous. “You ever tell anyone anything, I’ll deny it.”

Shigeru is fine with that, just as long as Kyoutani talks to him again. They could throw snarky remarks to one another all day, Shigeru doesn’t care. He just wants to be next to Kyoutani again without feeling as though he’ll break at any moment.

The puppy within the box snoozes on, as though their bickering didn’t bother it at all. 

———

Kentarou has no idea how they had come to this point. He hates being yelled at by Yahaba, especially when it’s a time to spend with his soulmate. But instead of fixing the mess he’d made, Kentarou kept ruining things by being harsh or terrible to Yahaba. Yahaba didn’t deserve this, but in some way, what just happened, Kentarou didn’t think he deserved it either.

Why is he like this?

After they’d left the lot, they walked silently side by side until they found a police box. It’d been cramped inside, and Kentarou had felt his stomach flip from being so close to Yahaba - he’d been grateful for the box with a puppy at the time for keeping his hands occupied. Yahaba spoke to the officer inside, explaining the situation. Kentarou found that his bad habit of unkind words wasn’t helping then, and tried his best to keep from talking.

But when Yahaba told the officer that Kentarou had been the one to find the puppy, he was being asked to take care of it and he didn’t know how to respond. Kentarou didn’t like what they were being told and somehow ended up screaming at the officer until Yahaba pulled him back. Before Kentarou could even get his head on straight, he’d ran from the police box with the puppy and Yahaba had chased after him after apologising to the officer for him.

Once Yahaba had caught up to him, Kentarou was subject to another lecture from Yahaba and he ended up feeling bad. However, he didn’t want to let Yahaba know this, and he focused on glaring at Yahaba’s feet, the puppy in the box staring up at him.

They ended up arguing further what to do with the puppy, but the longer Kentarou held it, the more he wanted to keep it - he just didn’t think his father would agree. He could feel Yahaba getting angry with him, but Kentarou didn’t try to quell his anger. In some ways, Yahaba had every right to be angry with Kentarou. And maybe it would be better to let Yahaba hate him instead so that when the question of whether he loved Yahaba or not came up again, it wouldn’t matter. At least it wouldn’t matter to Yahaba.

Kentarou hopes for Yahaba’s unhappiness to end soon. He hopes to be the cause of his happiness, whether by letting Yahaba hate him or growing bold enough to admit what they both already probably know. At least, Kentarou hopes Yahaba knows - that Yahaba’s still following him with the puppy just to eventually get Kentarou to say it.

He knows he won’t. Not yet at least.

Eventually Yahaba came up with a plan to leave the puppy with someone they could trust, but Kentarou hates the idea. For one, he doesn’t really trust anyone - other than Yahaba, and even then, he doesn’t trust Yahaba with his own heart yet.

Before they could even agree on who to leave the puppy with, Kentarou ended up arguing with another stranger and having to have Yahaba pull him out of it. They ran from it of course, and Kentarou huddled protectively over the puppy when Yahaba started yelling at him. He tried to argue about it, bothered by Yahaba’s interference but what bothered him more was the suggestion of giving the puppy to a cute girl. It got worse when Yahaba took the dog to go after a group of said cute girls, making Kentarou’s blood boil.

Watching Yahaba with those girls had pissed him off, and he scared them off with one look. Yahaba had again yelled at him, and Kentarou knew they weren’t improving anything by this point.

Which is why Yahaba is yelling at him now, the puppy cowering in the box. “You were staring at them as if you wanted to turn them into stone! What was that all about/! Are you some kind of Medusa?!”

Kentarou pulls the box from Yahaba’s hold, the puppy crying a little. “Do you have some ulterior motive?!” He wonders if he sounds as jealous as he feels.

Yahaba gapes at him. “I don’t! I mean,” his face flushes and he avoids Kentarou’s eyes, “I did… but th—that’s got nothing to do with what happened just now!”

He absolutely doesn’t like what Yahaba just started to suggest. Kentarou scowls, and the puppy cries again. “You always have ulterior motives!”

“Are you a total idiot?!” Yahaba shouts, the blush in his cheeks subsiding. “You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend! We’re not even—”

A car pulls up to them then, and they both fall silent. Kentarou can’t look at Yahaba now, knowing exactly what Yahaba was going to say. The window of the car rolls down, a woman’s face appearing and she’s staring up at them - and the puppy.

“Excuse me, you’re not really going to throw that dog away, right?”

Kentarou pulls the box closer to him, the puppy shuffling awkwardly within and staring up at him with big, shining eyes. Yahaba grabs his arm then, “just wait!” He doesn’t even turn his glare from the woman to Yahaba, Kentarou just pulls his arm away.

The woman get out of the car, speaking as Yahaba tries to calm Kentarou down - he won’t let Yahaba though, still feeling angry at the idea of Yahaba trying to flirt with those girls. “Do you know what would happen if you threw that dog away? Even if you leave it with an animal shelter, there’s no guarantee that its owner will be found.”

“It’s not like we don’t know that already!” Kentarou yells at her, and the woman takes a step back.

“Then why are you…?”

“You shut up already,” Yahaba growls at him, and Kentarou frowns, clenching his jaw shut. Yahaba turns to the woman, immediately explaining everything that had happened.

The woman looks between them, “I’m so sorry, I think I misunderstood the situation. It’s a good thing I called out to you - I’m going to look for the owner myself.”

Both Kentarou and Yahaba stare up at her. “... eh?” They look at the car she drove, realizing that it belonged to a veterinary hospital.

She goes into explaining her job, and how she will try to find an owner by coordinating with organizations that help abandoned animals. They take the fliers she hands them, explaining that her work also helps to find homes for any of the animals that don’t have a good home. Before Kentarou could even realize it, the box and more importantly the puppy were pulled from his arms and he felt the puppy lick at him before the woman put it down into her car.

“I’ll contact you when we find an owner,” she explains and Kentarou watches the puppy, listening to the muffled cries from within the car. She moves to the driver’s seat, climbing in before driving off.

Kentarou watches it leave, and suddenly he feels like he lost something important. Almost like he’s forgotten something, but he knows he hasn’t, he just wishes whatever it was never left.

Yahaba shuffles on his feet next to him, patting his shoulder. “Hey… look, the dog’s gone now… we have to go soon.” Kentarou doesn’t look at him, but he wants so badly to reach out and hold Yahaba. So he finally turns, glaring at Yahaba as though it’s his fault he feels empty.

He knows it’s his own fault - with Yahaba, he could feel complete, but he won’t let himself.

Yahaba gestures in a direction that he thinks might be towards the school. “Everyone’s waiting… you caused trouble for the senpais, and it wasn’t something you should have shown our juniors, either.” Yahaba sighs, shaking his head. “Just realize you have teammates who are waiting for you just like that dog has friends waiting for him, too.” Kentarou frowns, not sure if he can recognise that feeling. He almost appreciates Yahaba trying though, and he wonders why he’s even trying. “I… think it was pretty cute that you immediately tried to search for a rightful owner and it got attached to you… it’s unlike you, you know?”

Kentarou doesn’t answer him, just continues to pout as he looks at his shoes. He feels some heat rise in his cheeks at being called cute, and he wonders how Yahaba could still love an idiot like him.

“Let’s go, quick,” he suddenly says, and he moves away. Yahaba chases after him.

“Hey, wait for me! I’m supposed to be saying that!”

“You smell like a dog…”

“You smell worse!”

———

They’re walking side by side, the silence falling between them feeling almost comfortable. Shigeru doesn’t know what he can say, but he keeps his hands buried in his pockets to avoid grabbing for Kyoutani’s swinging hand. He’s certain they’ll never talk about this again, and some part of him wishes that wasn’t true.

He just hopes this isn’t the last time he can stand by Kyoutani’s side, and that the next time he stands by Kyoutani’s side, he won’t feel unwanted.

The school comes into view soon, and Shigeru thinks of what they’ll tell the coaches or even Oikawa. Before he can pick Kyoutani’s brain for an excuse, they hear a feeble cry and both stop dead. He looks around before turning to Kyoutani and the two look at one another.

They were back at the empty lot.

Kyoutani moves towards it, gently kicking at the tall grass with his foot. Shigeru follows after him, looking around the grass a few feet away from him so that they can search the area without wasting time.

A kitten’s face pops up suddenly, and Shigeru stares down at it. It meows up to him, and Kyoutani hurries over.

“It’s a cat…”

Shigeru looks at him, and frowns. “Hey, don’t look at it. Act like you didn’t see it!”

He tries to pull Kyoutani away, knowing that if he looks at the kitten any longer he’ll want to keep it. It was hard enough convincing his father to let him keep Momo - he can’t grow attached to another abandoned kitten.

But Kyoutani doesn’t budge, and the kitten hurries forward to climb up the side of his pant leg. They watch the kitten climb all the way up to Kyoutani’s shoulders, meowing as though it were a king upon his perch. Shigeru stares, watching in awe as Kyoutani looks at the kitten from the corner of his eyes.

Then it licks his cheek, and Shigeru nearly dies from how cute it all is.

Shaking his head, trying to tell himself he can only have Momo, Shigeru shrieks, “why the heck are they so quick to get attached to you?!”

“It’s not my fault!”

“I hate the fact that you’re so easily liked!” Shigeru buries his burning face in his hands, knowing this will only solidify his feelings even further.

Kyoutani growls, “shut the fuck up!”

They’re completely late for practice now, but Shigeru takes a deep breath and pulls the flier out of his pocket. “L-let’s get this kitten to that animal hospital…”

Kyoutani just grunts, moving to pull the kitten from his shoulder. He moves closer to Shigeru, looking down at the flier. He nods and they move to leave the empty lot, the kitten squirming in Kyoutani’s arms.

The animal hospital isn’t too far away, and by the time they get there, Shigeru notes they’re maybe an hour and a half late to practice. He sighs, pushing the doors open and leading the way to the counter. Kyoutani lags behind, the kitten climbing around his arms and around his shoulders.

At the counter, a man looks up and smiles at them. “How can I help you?”

“We found a cat in an empty lot,” Shigeru admits, gesturing to the kitten. “Earlier we found a puppy and a woman who said she worked here took it and gave us fliers, so…”

The man nods, standing from his seat. “Yes, the doctor did just come in with a little shiba puppy. Wait here while I get her.”

Shigeru nods, looking back to Kyoutani. He bites his lip to keep from laughing, and Kyoutani glares at him. The kitten is trying to climb it’s way up onto Kyoutani’s head, and Shigeru thinks it’s the cutest thing ever.

His brain short circuits when Kyoutani reaches out, pulling Shigeru’s lip from his teeth. “You shouldn’t bite your lip like that,” Kyoutani whispers, and Shigeru’s face burns.

He can’t allow Kyoutani to do that - he shouldn’t. Because if he does, that means he forgives Kyoutani and doesn’t need him to apologise. That’s not the case, and Shigeru frowns, smacking Kyoutani’s hand away.

“I’m sorry, who said you could touch me,” Shigeru snaps, and Kyoutani stares at him.

“... sorry,” he mumbles, turning away before reaching up to pull the kitten from his head. “Here, take her…”

Shigeru reaches out without hesitation, cradling the kitten to his chest. It relaxes in his hold, and Shigeru smiles down at it. He thinks it might be a calico, which might be why Kyoutani is calling her a girl - he’d heard somewhere that calico’s are usually female.

The woman from before comes out a side door then, looking between them. “Well, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you both so soon.”

“Uh… yeah, this kitten here was in the same lot,” Shigeru says, holding the cat out to her. The woman reaches forward, taking the calico and adjusting her hold on it. “So, how’s the puppy?”

“Fine, would you like to see him?” She asks, and gestures behind to the door she came from. “Seemed like you were attached, after all.”

Shigeru knows she’s talking to Kyoutani, and he looks over to see his soulmate’s shoulders hunch. But he’s staring at the door with an intense focus. Knowing Kyoutani isn’t the type to go after things he cares about (assuming he actually cares about Shigeru), he answers for him, “yes, we would like that!”

Kyoutani glares at him, and Shigeru follows the woman through the doors. They come to a white room with a steel table, along with some tools and a single cage. Within the cage, the little puppy from earlier perks up and starts jumping at the wire frame, it’s little tail wagging in excitement.

Kyoutani immediately goes over to it, bending to poke his fingers through and letting the puppy lick him. Shigeru smiles, watching the exchange.

“He should adopt him,” the woman comments to Shigeru and he looks up at her. “The puppy is attached as well.”

Shigeru nods, looking back. “Yeah, he probably should…”

His phone vibrates then, and Shigeru goes to pull it out. A text from Watari has come through, and he quickly opens it.

**from Watari Shinji**  
[9:45] where are you guys?????

**to Watari Shinji**  
[9:46] we found a puppy and then a kitten  
[9:46] I’ll explain later

**from Watari Shinji**  
[9:47] wait what?!

Shigeru doesn’t answer him again, instead switching his contact to text someone else.

**to Kyoutani-san**  
[9:49] we found a puppy, Ken seems to really like him  
[9:49] can he keep it?

He waits a little, hopeful that Kyoutani’s father will answer soon. Looking back up, he finds that the vet has let Kyoutani take the puppy out and he’s now playing with it. Shigeru smiles, taking a quick picture before sending it to Kyoutani’s father as well.

The response comes soon after.

**from Kyoutani-san**  
[9:52] thought you weren’t speaking from the way Ken was talking  
[9:53] he looks happy  
[9:53] yeah, we’ll take it in  
[9:53] i’ll pick it up later wheres it at?

Shigeru looks up from his phone. “Excuse me, ma’am - his father said they could take the puppy in and he’ll be by later to do what he needs.”

Kyoutani’s head snaps up at that. “Wait what…?”

She looks pleased, ignoring Kyoutani’s shock. “Wonderful. Just tell him the place and that there will be paperwork and I’ll finish checking over him before he gets here.”

Kyoutani looks between them, clearly confused. “Yahaba, what are you doing?”

“Getting you a puppy,” he looks back to his phone to relay Kyoutani’s father the information. “Your dad is more than willing to take the puppy in, be happy.”

Kyoutani stands, and the puppy jumps with him, following Kyoutani as he moves over to Shigeru. “Yahaba, what are you doing…?”

Shigeru looks him in the eye. “You may not be willing to ensure my happiness, but I’m not giving up on you. You want a dog, then you’re getting a dog.”

Kyoutani stares at him, mouth hanging slightly. “I…” He looks down to the puppy, and Shigeru thinks he sees something shift in his eyes. “I want you to be happy…”

He clicks his tongue. “Sometimes, I really doubt that.”

He glances to the vet and nods to her before turning to leave. Shigeru doesn’t look back at Kyoutani, and he doesn’t think twice about what Oikawa or anyone else will say when he eventually shows back up to practice without Kyoutani in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LONG. Anyway, this chapter is basically a slightly rewritten version of the light novel you can find here. Many thanks to fervidian87 over on tumblr for this post, and many thanks as well to epicurus09 for the headcanon that Kyoutani gets the puppy when they take the kitten to the vet hospital! We're getting closer to the end of this story, I hope everyone is willing to stay along for the end of this wild ride!!


	15. Chapter Fourteen

The October tournament came before they realized it, and Kentarou still had yet to approach Yahaba properly. He had eventually come to an understanding with the rest of the team, though it was very fragile and could break at any moment. The first years avoided him, the second years ignored him, and the third years kept to their regular actions of bossing him around - especially Oikawa, who was somehow worse than Kentarou remembered. It probably had to do with Iwaizumi no longer coming to put a stop to Oikawa’s antics, and seeing his upperclassman act so unlike himself was pretty nerve racking.

Which made it all the sweeter when the team turned on the first day of the tournament and saw Oikawa and Iwaizumi walking back to them, side by side and grinning between themselves. Kentarou still doesn’t know what happened there, but he could feel the shift in energy throughout everyone around him when they saw their captain and ace actually speaking again.

That first day was pretty boring, and Kentarou had no place on the court so he didn’t allow himself to get hyped up just yet. Instead, he focused on Yahaba and watched how he reacted on the sidelines to the game before them. Yahaba, just as he had since the day they found Aki, kept his back to him and didn’t speak to Kentarou. When Watari rotated out of the game, he’d look between them, but he made no movements to say anything to Kentarou.

Today however, Kentarou felt himself growing impatient. The game against Date Tech had been captivating, and the way Iwaizumi played sent thrills through Kentarou - he wanted to break down the Iron Wall, too. But the game had ended in their favor without, yet again, putting Kentarou on the court.

With the game against Karasuno approaching, Kentarou grew more anxious and hoped that this team with a troublesome setter that Oikawa seemed to hate would allow him to play soon. He warms up away from everyone else, but stops when he notices Yahaba nearby, talking to that tall first year, Kindaichi.

“You’re right,” Kindaichi is saying, and Kentarou looks around them to see what it is they’re talking about. Amongst the Karasuno members, he sees a small girl wearing their black jersey - clearly a manager - chasing after the volleyballs on their side of the warm up. “She is pretty cute… why do I feel so irritated…?”

Kentarou frowns to himself; he guesses she’s adorable, like some small innocent animal, but why would they be talking about that? Yahaba grins up to Kindaichi, showing him the ball in his hands. “Watch this,” he says, before tossing the ball in the girl’s direction.

It clicks in his mind what’s happening and Kentarou scowls when he watches Yahaba run over to her. Kentarou squeezes the ball in his hands, looking away - he can’t watch his soulmate try to flirt with some girl again. It’s punishment enough to not be able to talk to Yahaba, why does he make it worse by going off with other people?

He hears the loud smack of a volleyball, making Kentarou look up in response. Yahaba’s standing close to the girl, but it’s clear he never made it to her, and judging by the older manager of Karasuno and the looks she’s receiving, something happened that made her step in and stop Yahaba from getting closer to the blonde girl. Kentarou’s not sure what, but he feels better when the monk-head of Karasuno gently shoves Yahaba away with the ball he’d tossed to the girl, and the look on Yahaba’s face is far too enjoyable - he tried and failed to flirt once again.

Kentarou frowns to himself. He has no right to be upset with Yahaba right now - he’s the one who rejected him, not the other way around. If Yahaba wants to flirt with cute girls or whatever, then so be it. He’ll just have to suffer all the same.

Still, he’s not happy, and when he sees Yahaba return to Kindaichi, clearly upset that what he’d tried to do didn’t seem to work, Kentarou clenches his jaw and moves without thinking. Before he realizes what he’s doing, he collides with Yahaba, knocking him down and they stare at one another for a beat.

It’s long enough for Kentarou to catch the flush in Yahaba’s cheeks that weren’t there before, along with something else that Kentarou can’t quite name in his eyes. He hesitates, unwilling to say anything - afraid he might say the wrong thing again - but also unwilling to just walk away so soon. Then Yahaba blinks, and the something is gone, and Kentarou narrows his eyes before turning away without a word.

Jealousy is not a good thing to let run wild within Kentarou’s thoughts. He flexes his hands, rolls his neck, and returns to warming up. He notes he’s more aggressive with it, but Kentarou reminds himself he’ll probably play soon.

He has no intention of taking it easy now.

———

It’s dirty of him, Shigeru knows this, but it’s just nice to see that kind of reaction from Kyoutani still.

That day with the puppy had been filled with arguments and far too many avoided glances for Shigeru’s liking, so when the opportunity rose to get a different rise out of Kyoutani he’d gone for it. He wasn’t even sure if Kyoutani would get jealous, and even after the girls ran off, Shigeru wasn’t sure if it was because he’d been flirting or if it was due to him stealing the puppy without a word.

Now he’s certain; Kyoutani doesn’t like it when Shigeru looks at other people. Or acknowledges that they’re cute. Or flirts with them.

Actually, Shigeru’s not sure if Kyoutani just doesn’t like Shigeru with other people in general. He couldn’t say for sure, but for now, he’ll stick with ‘Kyoutani doesn’t like Shigeru flirting with other people’ and call it a day.

His butt sure isn’t happy with him despite figuring it out. The floor is way too hard to have landed like that and not feel a little sore.

Either way, the game has begun and Shigeru can still feel Kyoutani’s eyes on him every now and then. It’s not as bad as yesterday or even earlier when they played Date Tech, but he thinks it might just be that Kyoutani is getting restless on the sidelines here.

He is too, if he’s being honest.

Karasuno is close to setpoint and while he believes in the regulars to keep the flow moving, he’s noticed Oikawa seems a little different. Watching him serve now, he finally notices there’s more power going into it, and it’s so fast he couldn’t really tell exactly what had happened until the refs call it as out.

Shigeru clenches his fist, watching the score switch to 24-22, in favor of Karasuno.

It’s followed by a point made by Iwaizumi however, and Shigeru tries to relax when he notices something from their coach. More specifically that Kyoutani is over there, and Shigeru stares for a moment.

He doesn’t even remember Kyoutani moving from behind him in his place as far away from the rest of them as possible.

They’re switching Kunimi out for Kyoutani, and Shigeru’s eyes widen in confusion. Why would they be bringing him out right now?

Shigeru tries to relax, believing in his coaches, but when Kindaichi is shoved to the ground and Kyoutani makes a wild spike that lands out of bounds, Shigeru feels a vein throb and his eye twitch.

The first set ended because his soulmate is too wound up and acting like a wild animal and Shigeru wants nothing more than to go smack some sense into him. Matsukawa places a hand on his shoulder then, and he looks up at him. 

“It’s gonna be okay, birthday twin,” he says in a soft voice, the others around them complaining to one another about Kyoutani. “Iwaizumi’s got this.”

Shigeru’s brows furrow in confusion until he looks back out to the court, watching Iwaizumi storm over to Kyoutani and punch him. Kunimi is giving Shigeru a look now and he tries to avoid his gaze; he knows that some of the first years are aware of Shigeru and Kyoutani being soulmates, but he didn’t know exactly which ones.

Watching Oikawa and Iwaizumi lecture Kyoutani is almost hilarious, because it’s clear he’s only listening to Iwaizumi. Kunimi is sending a narrowed eyed look at Shigeru now and he sighs. “That guy’s,” his voice sounds a bit awkward, “challenged Iwaizumi-san to all sorts of contests and completely lost, so Iwaizumi-san is the only one he’ll listen to,” Shigeru offers up, and Kunimi turns his attention back to the court with the same contemplative look.

“Wolf-pack mentality…?”

“Something like that,” Shigeru murmurs, figuring that is the best way to describe Kyoutani.

The second set begins and it goes alright for the most part. Shigeru can’t deny that Kyoutani’s spikes are amazing, and Oikawa clearly knows how to use him in the best ways. Shigeru frowns to himself, thinking that he’ll never quite be able to think on his feet as quickly as Oikawa, or execute his plans as perfectly.

Still, Kyoutani is stumbling into others and it’s clear he’s not as used to playing with everyone as the rest of them are, but he gets by well enough. Shigeru still feels slightly annoyed, more by his apparent lack of care for anything aside from smacking the ball as hard as possible, and he notices Kunimi shuffle a little away from him as his annoyance grows.

He gets that Kyoutani is still working his way to his full potential, and that he’s still kind of an idiot about planning his attacks, but watching his spikes go through and pound into the court every time is amazing all on it’s own. Shigeru does however have to remind himself that he’s still mad at Kyoutani, and that they’re in the middle of them game whenever he starts to look over Kyoutani’s rippling muscles or the way his body moves whenever he goes in for a spike. If his thoughts do stray, he reminds himself that Kyoutani is capable of losing as many points as he gains by being an idiot rather than strategizing.

Nevermind that he probably riled Kyoutani up by purposefully making him jealous earlier, too.

It’s during the time-out when Karasuno’s number two constantly targets Kyoutani with his serves that Shigeru lets himself look over his soulmate.

Kyoutani is clearly agitated and his hands are clenched. Shigeru watches him, beginning to feel worried - more about the way this game will continue for them than whether or not Kyoutani will be alright. For now, it’s not about his feelings or if things between him and Kyoutani are okay. It’s about the team and their need to win this - win and continue on to play against Shiratorizawa.

If the third years can’t get their revenge and beat Shiratorizawa because he was focused more on his stupid soulmate, Shigeru will forever blame himself. He can’t allow that. They need to win this, with or without Kyoutani’s help.

Shigeru moves to bite his lip and lets it go just as quickly, making himself look away from Kyoutani. They decide to keep Kyoutani from having to receive and Hanamaki suggests covering him so that Kyoutani is available for the attack, which ends the timeout and they return to their places.

Kunimi’s still watching him from the corner of his eyes, and Shigeru doesn’t bother to acknowledge it.

The second set continues on, and Shigeru feels himself relax and grow tense as the game moves on. It finally ends, much to his relief, in Seijou’s favor and the third set comes underway.

———

It felt good to spike again.

Kentarou’s messed up a few times, but just being able to hit with everything he’s got is helping to relieve his stress and pent up energy.

Feeling Yahaba’s eyes on him every now and then adds fuel to that fire - even if Yahaba isn’t watching him, he can almost imagine it, and it’s practically enough.

Only it doesn’t last long. It’s the _fucking monk-head number five_ that’s really starting to get on his nerves.

He has no idea what it is about Karasuno’s number five (he thinks he heard his name once, but he couldn’t be bothered to remember it) but something between them is starting to spark and it’s completely unpleasant and Kentarou _knows_ he needs to calm down before he completely loses it, but…

Nothing’s working. He’s starting to slip up and it’s just getting him more and more angry, and even hitting as hard as he can isn’t helping like it usually does.

Kentarou’s ears are pounding and it’s almost too much to breathe correctly. He feels a hand on his shoulder, the muffled voice of Watari to his side, but his warm touch is only making it worse. Grinding his teeth, he hears Oikawa say something but it doesn’t register through the muffled pounding.

What does register is the whistle, and when he turns, he sees Kunimi holding up his number.

Everything is too loud at that point and he wants to drag his feet, unwilling to leave yet, but he knows he has to. Kunimi won’t meet his eyes, and somehow he appreciates it as he rips the player number from his hand. Irihata is saying something about cooling his head, but Kentarou doubts it’ll be that easy now that he’s off the court.

But he nods anyway and this time he does drag his feet, moving over to the other reserve players. None of them approach him, and they create an open path for him to make it back to his self-appointed loner corner.

He doesn’t expect to hear anything from the others, so it catches him off guard when Yahaba’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

“Hurry up and shake it off already,” he says, and Kentarou feels his body go tense. “We’re already up against a wall here.”

Kentarou grinds his teeth, trying to find something to say. Yahaba hasn’t spoken to him in a month, why’d he have to do it now when his temper is out of control? “... shut up,” he settles on spitting out, “I know…”

Yahaba doesn’t respond right away. Kentarou takes a deep breath, and hopes that Yahaba will say something soon. It’s awful to admit, especially to himself, but hearing the voice of the one he loves when he’s like this might actually help him calm down.

It’s actually kind of annoying when it doesn’t.

“Getting riled up over the enemy’s provocation and screwing yourself over,” Yahaba starts, and already Kentarou feels his pulse rise again, “how much lamer can you get?”

Kentarou turns a sharp glare on Yahaba, and somehow he knows that he shouldn’t have expected anything less. Yahaba’s still mad at him, he still hasn’t done anything to repair his broken heart, and right now Kentarou is being a complete idiot. Doesn’t stop him from getting angry at his soulmate for his harsh words, no matter how true they are.

Yahaba doesn’t even blink from his glare, turning to watch the game a little. “You just brazenly return to the club and were put right back into the game,” he says and Kentarou shifts his jaw, trying to focus on what Yahaba is telling him instead of being angry. “There are plenty of guys who aren’t thrilled about that. Me included…”

He drops his clenched hands, hearing the frustration in Yahaba’s voice. Kentarou wants to ask if it’s because he’s jealous since he doesn’t truly get the chance to play with Oikawa around, or if it’s because Yahaba never wanted to see him again after the training camp. Yahaba turns back to him, and Kentarou stares right back.

“But, our senpai were all in agreement for your return and they all believed you’d be an asset to the team,” Yahaba goes on to say, and Kentarou isn’t sure he really believes that. “I thought it wasn’t fair to us, or to you. But that’s not the issue,” Kentarou glances out to the court when Yahaba does, trying to understand. “Regulars are chosen based on who is essential to victory, and you were chosen.” He turns back to Kentarou, and Yahaba holds his gaze. “So do what you’re out there for.”

Kentarou can’t look away - there’s a spark in Yahaba’s eyes, and while he doesn’t feel calmer, he can admit he isn’t as angry. This moment, it’s almost like being told Yahaba still loves him by his praise and his acceptance of Kentarou on the team. It ignites the fire that was in him before, when the game was going well, and he wants to get back out there.

He can hear the other reserve players (he honestly doesn’t know and doesn’t care to learn their names) whispering to one another, eyeing him and Yahaba with weary expressions. Kentarou doesn’t move his eyes from Yahaba though, and he’s about ready to tell Yahaba the truth.

But then Yahaba frowns, expression dropping to a completely different one that Kentarou had only ever seen right before being lectured.

“Well,” he starts saying, and there’s an edge to his voice that makes Kentarou tense up. “More like, that’s my public stance…”

He’s not expecting it at all.

Suddenly, he feels his shirt being grabbed and his body being yanked forward before he’s shoved back into the wall behind them. It knocks the air from his chest for a second, and he’s so caught off guard he doesn’t move an inch as Yahaba pins him to the wall.

“If you drag the senpai’s big moment through the mud,” Yahaba growls at him, a fire in his eyes that sends a heat throughout Kentarou’s body, “I’ll never forgive you.”

Kentarou keeps his mouth shut, unwilling to say anything at that. His body has run cold at those words.

Does he mean in volleyball, or…?

Gulping, Kentarou knows he needs to answer. “... I,” he starts, and stops when he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. The others aren’t looking at them, and he settles on saying something he knows he doesn’t think anymore. “... thought you were a more shallow guy.”

Yahaba hesitates, pulling away from him and turning his back to him. “You’re not wrong about that,” he says, and Kentarou grows confused. “I may be shallow, but I respect our senpai.” Kentarou doesn’t believe him - Yahaba isn’t shallow, not after everything he’s seen from the other. “... on the court,” Yahaba murmurs, and Kentarou leans forward to listen, “every point gained or lost belongs to the team as a whole. Please,” Kentarou stands straight, gulping in anticipation. Yahaba doesn’t look back at him, “lend them your strength.”

Kentarou stares at the back of Yahaba’s head, resolved to at least grant his love that wish.

———

They lost.

Shigeru couldn’t blame anyone in that moment - Kyoutani truly became part of the team by the end, and even he got to play a little to try to change the momentum of the game. In the end, as Iwaizumi and Oikawa would say, they simply didn’t have the stronger six this time.

It didn’t help his mood all throughout the night, even after the free dinner he and the rest of the team got from Oikawa or the relaxing bath he took when he got home (though he didn’t exactly let himself relax…).

He didn’t feel ready for bed and sat awake, staring up at his dark ceiling just thinking the game over in his head. There was nothing he would have changed. Maybe an earlier lecture for Kyoutani to pull him together, but even that wouldn’t have guaranteed a win.

One thing is for sure though; Shigeru wants to talk to Kyoutani again, especially after his crazy speech during the game.

Sitting up, Shigeru looks down at Momo, who’s wrapped himself up in a thin blanket after catching one of his claws on the fabric. The quickly growing kitten is snoozing away under the blanket, and Shigeru is unwilling to move him from the center of the bed. He gently rubs at Momo’s head, petting the soft fur before standing, grabbing his jacket and heading downstairs.

His father is sitting in the living room with a book, and he looks up when Shigeru enters. “Where are you off to?”

Shigeru shifts between his feet, thinking it over. As far as his parents knew, he still spoke to Kyoutani - they just had a hard time asking him about it. Shigeru understood why, considering he ran the first night they agreed to let him be with Kyoutani, and he honestly felt relieved that they hadn’t figured out how to talk to him about that aspect of his life just yet.

“Um, I was thinking of seeing Kentarou…?” He says, and his father stares at him a moment.

“Oh,” he awkwardly says, clearing his throat. “Well uh… it’s late, and Takeo-san might not—”

“It’ll be fine,” Shigeru cuts him off, “Kyoutani-san doesn’t mind.”

Shigeru’s father looks uncertain. “Well…” He waits patiently, knowing his father won’t argue. He doesn’t do that much anymore, almost like he’s afraid of denying Shigeru anything anymore.

He tells himself to not abuse this power he momentarily has over his parents.

“Alright, just text me when you get there,” his father sighs before sitting up. “Actually, I could drive you if—”

“It’s fine, I wanna run a little anyway,” Shigeru waves him off, turning to leave through the front door before his father insists.

“Just text me, Shigeru!” He calls after him, and Shigeru calls back an agreement before he shoves his shoes on and bolts from the door.

It doesn’t take long to get to the Kyoutani household from there. Shigeru catches his breath, looking at the small house in the dead of night. The porch light is on and there doesn’t seem to be a light on in the living room, making him notice the absence of Kyoutani’s father’s truck.

He might not even be home.

Shigeru’s shoulders slump, and he thinks of hurrying back home when he hears a little bark. He turns to the source, and his stomach twists when he sees Kyoutani walking towards him, the puppy from a month ago trying to hurry forward despite it’s leash.

They stare at one another, the street light overhead casting an orange hue over them.

“Hey,” he whispers, and the puppy jumps up to paw at his legs.

Kyoutani grunts, nodding a little, and it’s clear he’s shocked to see Shigeru.

He’s not even sure why he came anymore; he’s meant to be upset at Kyoutani, to wait for him to come to Shigeru and explain himself after everything.

“I…” Kyoutani starts, hesitating as he looks down to the grass of his yard. “... I’m sorry.”

Shigeru tilts his head to the side, bending to pet the puppy who clearly wants him to pay attention to him. “There’s a million reasons for you to be apologising to me, Kyoutani. Which one is this for?”

Kyoutani shifts his weight to one foot, still not looking at Shigeru. “We lost…”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you were trying to make us lose,” Shigeru snorts, rolling his eyes. “You tried your best, that’s what matters.”

Kyoutani shakes his head. “You said you’d never forgive me…”

“Only if you didn’t try,” he lifts the puppy up, standing to be on Kyoutani’s level. “So try again; why are you sorry?”

Shigeru waits, running his fingers over the puppy’s fur as it tries licking at his fingers and face.

“... I’m sorry for breaking your heart,” Kyoutani mutters, and Shigeru pauses in his petting. “I just… I can’t fall in love…”

Shigeru frowns, and the sinking feeling in his gut is telling him to pass off the dog and go home. To give up. But he doesn’t want to leave, not yet. “Is it because you think I’ll leave you…?”

“...”

“Because I won’t,” Shigeru whispers, looking to the puppy now. His eyes are burning, and the puppy is staring up at him with curiosity. “I won’t ever leave you if you’ll just let me stay.”

“Shigeru,” Kyoutani breathes, shaking his head, “I… I spent three years in a dark place. You… you don’t know how many ways I’ve thought of how someone could die, and I just… what if you….”

It’s hard to listen to the crumbling in Kyoutani’s voice, and Shigeru slowly drags his gaze up to meet Kyoutani’s. “You know what I think?” Kyoutani doesn’t move, just watches Shigeru as he tries to hold back the tears that, for whatever reason, are threatening to fall. “I think that being in love with someone and knowing they’re out there, _choosing_ to live without me is a lot worse than loving someone who didn’t chose to leave me,” he takes a deep breath, “loving someone who died and never meant to leave. That’s easier, because at least then I can tell myself that they wanted to stay, they just didn’t have a choice.”

Kyoutani’s eyes shift between Shigeru’s, and he reaches forward. His thumb rubs along Shigeru’s cheek, and he feels a wetness streak under his touch. “I don’t want to see you cry,” Kyoutani says with a soft voice and Shigeru blinks, which allows more tears to fall.

“Well tough luck with that,” he sniffles, “because I’m going to cry until you admit you’re in love with me.”

The puppy’s licking at his chin, soft cries in his throat, and Shigeru thinks the puppy is really attuned to human emotion.

Kyoutani’s jaw shifts, and Shigeru thinks he might be biting his inner cheek as he thinks over his next words.

“... you’ll never leave…?”

“Never,” Shigeru agrees, “the only way you’d get me to leave you is by death, which is kind of dramatic, but if that’s what you need to hear...”

Kyoutani’s jaw shifts again, and for a moment his eyes shift to the puppy before he looks back up to Shigeru. “... will you be the other father to Aki?”

“Aki?” Shigeru glances down to the puppy for a moment and figures Kyoutani named him Aki by the way it’s little tail wags rapidly at the name. “I… wait, what…?”

“My dad said I have to take care of him myself, and he’d only help when I really needed it,” Kyoutani grumbles, “so Aki is like my child.”

Shigeru stares at him, “you’re an adorable idiot.”

“Shut up,” Kyoutani scowls, his ears burning red.

“Yes, I’ll be his father too,” Shigeru rolls his eyes, trying not to smile, “Momo could use a brother, I guess. Now tell me what I want to hear!”

Kyoutani frowns, “you’re too impatient.”

“Pretty sure you called me shallow before,” Shigeru shrugs with a hint of sarcasm to his voice, “I just hate having to dig deeper for things I already know.”

“Then why do you need me to say it?” Kyoutani groans, his hands coming to wipe down his face.

Shigeru narrows his eyes. “Tell me what you really feel for me, Kentarou.”

Kyoutani huffs, dropping his hands and looking into Shigeru’s eyes. His ears are red, and there’s a slight hue of pink on his cheeks. “I love you, you fucking asshole.”

Smiling, Shigeru leans forward to kiss him softly. “That’s all I wanted; was it really so hard?”

“Say it back,” Kyoutani growls, and Shigeru grins. “ _Shigeru_...”

“Despite everything you put me through waiting for you to admit it, I still love you, you absolute idiot.”

“Good.”

———

Aki conks out around midnight in his nest of old (and clean) towels in the corner of the kitchen. It wasn’t even meant for Aki to sleep in, it’s just where he ended up falling asleep the first night and despite Kentarou’s efforts to bring the puppy to his room for the night, he would constantly return to the towels.

At least Yahaba thought it was adorable.

After that, the two had quickly moved to Kentarou’s room and pulled one another close while lying on the bed, unwilling to move or needing to speak. They laid in silence, breathing in the other’s scent and occasionally reaching out to caress each other’s faces or run their fingers down the other’s side.

It’s nearing one in the morning when Yahaba shifts against him on his bed, looking around in the mostly dark room. “What’s up?”

“I just realized, where’s your dad…?”

“Out on a job a few hours north,” Kentarou replies, and Yahaba sinks back against him. “Every few months they get a new construction job a few hours away and they go away for a week to do it. It pays well I guess…”

Yahaba hums, and Kentarou runs his fingers through his hair. “Is he doing okay?”

Kentarou grunts, sort of shrugging his shoulders under Yahaba’s weight. “He’s fine; drank a little the other night and I thought he got bad again but… he hasn’t drank since, I think.” Yahaba nods, and through the little light in the room, Kentarou sees the small frown. “It’s okay, it happens.”

“Yeah, but,” Yahaba hesitates, not meeting his eyes, “won’t he stop if you say something?”

“No, not really,” Kentarou says, but his voice is so soft the sound is barely there. “He told your parents he’d give me anything, but I don’t think he can really control it when he gets bad.”

“Ken—”

“It’s fine, Shigeru,” he mumbles, shifting closer to place a soft kiss on Yahaba’s lips. “It won’t be so bad next time if I have you…”

Yahaba stares at him, something sparking in his eyes. Kentarou watches him, wondering what might happen when Yahaba surges forward, smacking his mouth against Kentarou’s.

“Ow,” he grumbles, pulling back just enough to still feel Yahaba’s lips brush his, “softer, Shigeru.”

“Sorry,” Yahaba mumbles, moving slower this time and giving him a chaste kiss. “And… sorry for making you jealous, by the way.”

“... hm?”

“Karasuno’s manager,” Yahaba bites at his lip, avoiding his eyes, “I uh… tried to flirt with her to make you mad…”

Kentarou blinks once before sitting up, staring down at Yahaba. “You fucking—”

Yahaba laughs, throwing his hands up in defense, “I know, I know! I’m terrible! It’s just, you weren’t doing anything and I kept waiting so I thought ‘does he even still care’ and figured I could find out that way!”

Kentarou scowls, “so you purposefully tried to make me jealous?”

“I’m sorry,” Yahaba doesn’t sound apologetic as he laughs through the words, “I swear, I wasn’t interested in her - even if she’s really cute.”

His scowl grows deeper.

“Oh come on, you’re cute too!”

“Am not.”

“Are too,” Yahaba sticks his tongue out, grinning wickedly. “Remind me again who’s able to attract every adorable animal ever by just existing?”

Kentarou’s face burns at that. “Shut up,” he grumbles, moving down to nuzzle his face into Yahaba’s neck. “So what’s your reason for shoving me into the wall?” He asks, feeling Yahaba shiver from the way he breathes on his neck.

“Uh…” Yahaba clicks his tongue, “I don’t have an excuse for that. You were kind of pissing me off though…”

Kentarou grunts, nipping at Yahaba’s neck and making him jump in surprise before pulling back. “It was pretty hot,” he murmurs, and just admitting it makes his neck feel on fire.

Yahaba blinks up at him, a red hue dusting his cheeks. “Oh… really?”

“Didn’t think you could take charge like that,” Kentarou taunts, and Yahaba frowns before suddenly shoving at him, pushing him into the bed before swinging a leg over, straddling Kentarou’s waist.

He was not expecting that.

“So you like this, huh?” Yahaba mocks, leaning down to hover just over Kentarou’s face. “You like being pushed around?”

Kentarou frowns, not sure if he wants Yahaba to actually think that. “No… not really,” he decides on, and Yahaba smirks.

“So only sometimes, huh,” Yahaba hums, sitting up straight again. “Ken, come here.”

“You come here,” he scoffs under his breath, but he pulls himself up to a sitting position, Yahaba remaining in his lap. “What do you want?” He asks, his lips ghosting over Yahaba’s.

Yahaba moves his arms around Kentarou’s neck, and he shifts his legs around a bit to sit more comfortably in Kentarou’s lap. “I love you,” he whispers, and Kentarou feels his face crack into a grin before Yahaba pushes their lips together, and they don’t break away as they had been.

Kentarou moves his mouth, placing his hands on Yahaba’s hips and pulling him closer. Yahaba hums his pleasure into their kissing, shifting his hands to trace figures down Kentarou’s back and shift his mouth in response to Kentarou. When Kentarou feels the tentative touch of Yahaba’s tongue against his bottom lip, he parts his lips further and their tongues meet without hesitation. Kentarou feels his throat vibrate, but he doesn’t hear a sound through the pounding in his ears, his pulse quickening before he pulls on Yahaba’s hips, shifting forward to lay Yahaba back down on his bed.

Yahaba falls back easily enough, never once letting their kiss break as he pulls on Kentarou’s shirt. The fabric tickles his skin as it moves over his back, and Kentarou allows himself to break away long enough for Yahaba to pull it off completely, throwing it down onto the floor without care. Kentarou returns his mouth to Yahaba’s within seconds, biting into the kiss and pulling on Yahaba’s bottom lip, eliciting a groan from him.

His hands are pulling down Yahaba’s sides before they dip under his shirt, and soon Kentarou is pushing it up and over Yahaba’s head. Yahaba is quick to return to kissing him once the shirt is out of the way, and Kentarou fumbles with tossing it to the side, his fingers quickly making their way along Yahaba’s creamy skin.

Yahaba bucks up into Kentarou when his thumbs move over Yahaba’s nipples, and Kentarou laughs into their kiss before Yahaba shifts, biting down on Kentarou’s bottom lip in revenge. Kentarou just looks at him, pulling away to look down at his flushed face and the shine on his lips. Yahaba’s panting as he looks up at him, his hair out of place and Kentarou wonders when he might have run his fingers through it.

“Ken,” Yahaba whispers, but he doesn’t say much else when Kentarou moves forward, pushing his tongue back into Yahaba’s mouth and tweaking one of his nipples again. Yahaba moans into his mouth, his hips jerking up again and his body arches up against Kentarou’s stomach. Around Kentarou’s tongue, Yahaba groans again when he shifts his thumb back over the hardening nub, and he thinks he can hear a muffled plea.

Pulling away, Kentarou stares down at him again, and Yahaba falls back into the bedsheets. “What…?”

Yahaba’s breathing hard, his eyes are lidded and dark, and his lips red and swollen. “I… I said… _please_...”

“Please what?” Kentarou manages to say, and his voice sounds a lot more gravely to him.

Yahaba whines, squirming a little before Kentarou palms at his chest. He cries out, his hips rising a little before he says again, voice desperate, “ _please_!”

Kentarou licks his lips, moving down to kiss and lick at Yahaba’s chest. Yahaba gives out a choking moan, and his hands move to press down on Kentarou’s back, pushing him closer. Kentarou pauses, pulling off Yahaba’s nipple to look up at him. “Is this what you want…?”

“N-No,” Yahaba breathes, one of his hands pulling away to push at Kentarou’s chest, making his sit up. “Ken, please…”

“I don’t know what you want,” Kentarou whispers, and Yahaba just looks up at him, his face red and his body beginning to shake. Kentarou watches for a moment as he reaches out, putting his palm flat against Yahaba’s stomach before dragging it slowly and gently down towards the button of Yahaba’s pants.

His hips jerk up again and Kentarou is pretty sure he gets it now.

Kentarou uses both hands to undo the front of Yahaba’s pants, but he guesses he was going too slow because Yahaba sits up, his own hands joining to speed up the process of pulling the jeans from his legs. Kentarou stares down at the bulge in Yahaba’s underwear then, but he’s shoved back by Yahaba and he looks up at him in surprise as Yahaba goes to undo Kentaou’s pants as well.

Oh - Yahaba wants them both naked. Or at least in their underwear.

The second thought it thrown out of the window however when Yahaba doesn’t just pull Kentarou’s pants down. Kentarou jumps in surprise when his underwear is pulled down too and he gapes at Yahaba.

He doesn’t get a chance to ask if Yahaba’s underwear was coming off too before Yahaba dips forward, his lips circling around the head of Kentarou’s dick. Kentarou throws his head back in shock and pleasure, moaning loudly and he trembles from the effort of not pushing his hips forward in response.

Yahaba’s warm mouth encases his erection, and Kentarou falls back onto the bed, pushing his palms into his eyes to focus on keeping his hips still. It’s amazing - the feel of Yahaba’s tongue on the underside of his shaft and the way he moves it, the caress of his lips as he moves further down and then back up…

Kentarou can’t believe this is happening.

He feels the pool of warmth in his stomach before Yahaba pulls away, and Kentarou glances down to see what it looks like to watch his dick fall out of Yahaba’s mouth. It’s the most amazing sight ever, and Kentarou groans deeply as the memory is burned into his brain.

But Yahaba’s coughing a little, and he’s more concerned with that than he is with how good it felt. “Shigeru?” He sits up, putting a hand to Yahaba’s shoulder. “You okay…?”

“I…” Yahaba coughs again, shaking his head. “I think I have a terrible gag reflex… I’m sorry…”

Kentarou frowns, shaking his head. “It’s okay - it felt really good.”

Yahaba takes a deep breath before looking up at him. “... really?”

“Yeah,” Kentarou smiles, kissing the corner of Yahaba’s mouth. “You didn’t have to…”

“You’ve blown me twice already,” Yahaba grumbles, narrowing his eyes. “It was your turn to get a blow job…”

Kentarou shrugs, “I’d rather make you feel good.”

“That’s not fair!”

“I don’t care,” Kentarou says, kissing him again. “I feel good when you feel good.”

Yahaba scowls now, “that’s so lame. You deserve to be spoiled too.”

“Only if you want to,” he mumbles and moves his hand around to skim the band of Yahaba’s underwear. He dips his fingers under, pushing his hand down and squeezing Yahaba’s firm backside. “Can yours come off too?”

Yahaba’s face grows a darker red before he nods, and Kentarou brings his other hand over to help pull off the last remaining piece of their clothing. While it’s great to see Yahaba naked once another, Kentarou’s gaze moves up his body and back to his eyes, watching the way Yahaba’s eyes shine in the limited light.

“I love you,” he whispers and Yahaba’s eyes snap to look back at him. “I’m sorry for making you wait…”

A small smile begins to form in the corner of Yahaba’s lips and he shakes his head. “I’m just glad you finally admitted it…”

Kentarou’s hands gently glide up Yahaba’s arms before he reaches around, pulling Yahaba towards him before twisting, laying him back onto the bed once again. He kisses him softly, and knowing one of them will push harder to make it more heated, he pulls away to stare down at him. “I want to make you feel good,” he says, and Yahaba’s lips part a little as he looks up at him. “Can we…?”

Yahaba quickly gulps and Kentarou suddenly feels nervous - not for fear that Yahaba will say no, but rather because he’s afraid of hurting him.

He holds his breath, waits for Yahaba’s decision. “Are you sure?” Yahaba asks, licking at his lips.

Kentarou nods. “I want you, but only if you want me…”

Yahaba’s bottom lip gets pulled on by his teeth, and Kentarou glances down to move his thumb up, pulling Yahaba’s lip away. Yahaba stares up at him, expression softening before he begins to smile.

“I want you, Kentarou.”

Gulping, Kentarou slowly smiles back before pulling back to grab something from his bedside table. Yahaba sits up to see what he’s getting, and his eyes widen when Kentarou pulls out a bottle of lube and some condoms.

“Ken,” he mumbles, “how long have you had those…?”

Kentarou’s cheeks heat and his ears burn, “I uh… didn’t get them…”

Yahaba stares at him. “Did your dad… buy us condoms?”

“Uh,” he coughs, unable to look him in the eye, “yeah…?”

There’s a beat of silence before Yahaba huffs a single laugh. “Well, at least one of our parents is extremely comfortable with this relationship.”

Kentarou sends him a look, but he doesn’t push for more information. “I uh… looked into how to do this and stuff…”

Yahaba nods, “okay - just uh… try not to make it hurt…?”

He nods back, gulping a little. “I’ll do my best to make you feel good.”

The smiles he receives at that is all he needs to lean forward, kissing him sweetly before moving to lay Yahaba down again. He feels Yahaba move to hold onto him, but he doesn’t look away from his eyes.

[](http://s1097.photobucket.com/user/Melanie_Beth_Ommodt/media/TiMER%202%20lighting_zpsmsb0nekv.jpg.html)

Once Yahaba is lying back, Kentarou takes a moment to look at his blushing face and hooded eyes, enjoying the way his hair looks slightly tousled and his lips appear plump and well kissed. Kentarou smiles to himself, and Yahaba slowly smiles back.

He’s reminded of what they’re about to do when he moves his eyes down and notices the flushed skin of Yahaba’s chest, the light marks of his earlier kissing leading him to look further down and a rush of excitement fills him when he sees all of Yahaba’s naked form. Kentarou reaches over, grabbing the lubricant to coat his fingers. 

Kentarou looks back up to Yahaba when he moves his hand toward his entrance and hesitates. Yahaba’s watching his face, and he looks as though he’s anticipating something to happen soon. He licks his lips and nods to Kentarou, but he still hesitates. “Ken,” Yahaba softly says, “go ahead…”

His mouth falls open a little before he nods back, returning his attention to Yahaba’s entrance and moving one finger forward, pushing at the hole.

Yahaba’s body jumps in response before he shivers. “It’s… kind of cold…” Kentarou stares up at his face, unwilling to move just yet. “G-Go on, move something!”

“Okay,” Kentarou mumbles, pushing further. Yahaba’s face scrunches before he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as his body relaxes on the exhale.

Kentarou waits a moment until Yahaba nods, and he moves to continue the preparations. They continue like that, Kentarou going slow and waiting patiently as Yahaba adjusts to the feeling, allowing himself to relax each time.

“O-okay,” Yahaba says after a long time, and Kentarou is staring at his hand in wonder. “I think… I’m ready…”

“Think or know?”

“Shut up and fuck me already!” Yahaba shouts and Kentarou jumps, pulling his hand away, his fingers sliding out easily. “Shit, you’re being so gentle and it’s great, but I’m not made of glass!”

Kentarou blinks, nodding once. “Yeah, okay, I get it. Don’t yell at me…”

Yahaba smacks his chest, and it sort of stings but not enough for Kentarou to complain about it. “ _Ugh_ this is so frustrating! You’ve been fingering me for like, an hour!”

“It’s your first time—”

“ _I know_!” Yahaba growls, groaning as he rubs at his face. “I know, just… Ken, I need _you_ \- not just your fingers…”

Kentarou’s neck is burning, and his face is getting warmer as he coughs. “Okay just… did you really have to call it fucking?”

Yahaba blinks up at him. “... Ken… do you want to call this love making…?”

Kentarou gulps and chooses not to answer, his face now burning as hot as his neck.

“Oh…” Yahaba reaches up, grabbing around his neck to pull him forward. “Kentarou,” he whispers, voice sincere, “make love to me, please…”

He hates that it makes him shiver in pleasure, but Kentarou nods, reaching over the condom now to open it. Yahaba’s smiling at him, and there’s no trace of mocking in his eyes - Kentarou knows he thinks of it that way, too.

Rolling the condom on as quickly as someone inexperienced in this can, Kentarou grabs hold of the lube as well and lathers the condom. He tosses the bottle away, making sure not to throw it too far before he positions himself, and Yahaba bites at his lip as he opens his legs.

“Shigeru,” he says, and Yahaba looks up at him in response. “I love you…”

Yahaba stares at him before his face splits into a huge grin. “I love you too, Kentarou…”

He leans forward, kissing Yahaba softly as he pushes forward, beginning to enter his soulmate.

It’s slow at first - Yahaba’s moaning into their kiss, pulling away to hiss when there’s just a bit too much of a stretch, but he tells Kentarou to keep moving. Kentarou’s body trembles with the effort of going slow, and he occupies himself by kissing gently at any place he can reach on Yahaba’s body. When he’s only part of the way in, he feels Yahaba’s legs wrap around him suddenly, pushing at his hips to make him move faster.

“Sh-Shigeru,” he groans, unable to stop and the only response he gets is a cry of pleasure when Yahaba’s head throws back.

They’re both breathing hard, and Yahaba slowly pulls his head back up to look Kentarou in the eye. “M-move,” he whispers, his hand reaching up to bring Kentarou closer for a kiss. He does as he’s told, and slowly - but not agonizingly slowly - Kentarou pulls out, only to push back into place, not allowing himself to fall away.

Yahaba moans as he picks up the pace, and Kentarou swallows every little sound Yahaba makes with their rough kisses. Yahaba eventually pulls away to relieve his back, his little grunts and moans filling the room and Kentarou doesn’t chase after his lips, continuing to thrust his hips against Yahaba and groaning against his chest.

Bringing his mouth down onto Yahaba’s nipples adds the mixture of cries and high pitched moans, and Kentarou grins at the sounds. He only stops teasing Yahaba’s chest when he feels Yahaba’s nails dig into his back and he takes that as Yahaba’s silent que to back off.

So Kentarou pulls himself up, looking down at Yahaba’s body as it rocks against him, and it’s an amazing sight. Yahaba notices him staring, and instead of responding like Kentarou had thought he would, Yahaba throws his arms over his face, hushing the moans and hiding the expression of ecstasy that Kentarou had been enjoying.

“No,” he grumbles, reaching forward to pull Yahaba’s arms away. He grunts when he feels Yahaba clench around him, and he shivers at the feeling for a moment before continuing to try to uncover Yahaba’s face. “Show me your face…”

Yahaba whines, and Kentarou slows to a stop. “ _No, this isn’t fair_ ,” he groans, and Kentarou manages to pin Yahaba’s arms above his head. “Next t-time,” he stutters, glaring up at Kentarou with the brightest, reddest face he’s ever seen, “I’m doing you…”

“Good,” Kentarou replies, and Yahaba’s eyes widen as he crowds closer, kissing Yahaba roughly and returning to thrusting heavily into him.

They’re moaning together now, the pace picking up as Yahaba gets used to it and Kentarou forgets to remain gentle. It doesn’t seem to bother Yahaba much, so Kentarou continues moving faster and faster, and when he feels himself get close, he decides that Yahaba’s own erection needs attention too.

Yahaba pulls away to gasp, moaning loudly the second Kentarou’s hand encircled his untouched dick and he tries to buck his hips into the warmth of Kentarou’s hand. Kentarou looks down to watch himself thrust part of the way out and back into Yahaba continuously, but also to see the way Yahaba’s erection twitches in his hold and in reaction to his thrusts.

It’s enough to send Kentarou over the edge, and he groans at his release, shoving his forehead against Yahaba’s shoulder, feeling his body become loose. His own erection twitches in response to Yahaba growing a little tighter around him, and the warmth of Yahaba’s cum covers his hand a moment later, a cry of pleasure sounding beautifully from Yahaba’s mouth.

Once Kentarou is able to catch his breath, he pulls out completely, pulling the condom away carefully before tying it off and tossing it towards his trashcan. Looking down, Kentarou notes the cum on Yahaba’s stomach and his hand, and looks around for the tissues he keeps in his room.

The box was knocked to the floor it looks like, so he stands from the bed to grab hold of it, returning quickly to wipe away the mess on Yahaba’s stomach first, then his own hand. It’s not a perfect clean up, but the way Yahaba’s laying limp in his bed tells him that they wouldn’t be showering soon.

Kentarou checks them over one last time to make sure there isn’t anything else to clean up before he flings the box over his shoulder and moves to lay down on Yahaba’s side.

It almost looks like Yahaba is asleep, but once Kentarou lies still on his side looking at him, Yahaba slowly turns his head to look back at him.

They don’t say anything for a moment, and Yahaba blinks slowly before yawning. “I’m glad,” he manages to say before another yawn forces it’s way out.

Kentarou yawns in response, reaching over to pull Yahaba closer. “Glad that we made love…?”

“That I came over,” Yahaba mumbles, rolling to curl up against Kentarou. “I wanted to be mad at you until you came to me, but…”

Kentarou grunts, “I wouldn’t have blamed you. I’m… what did you call it…?” There’s a moment of silence before he remembers. “Emotionally stupid.”

Yahaba snorts, shaking his head. “I think you would have come to me eventually, but I grew impatient… plus, shoving you into a wall and not doing anything about it made me a little frustrated earlier.”

“Oh good, I wasn’t the only one,” Kentarou sarcastically drawls, and Yahaba softly smacks him.

They lay together in one another’s warmth for a while before Yahaba takes in a sharp breath.

“You didn’t just tell me you loved me to have sex with me, right?”

“Fuck you,” Kentarou grinds out, and Yahaba pulls back to look at him.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Kentarou replies, “I’m so in love with you it scared me. I’m willing to do anything for you, as long as you’ll have me.”

Yahaba stares up at him. “I… I believe you…”

“Good.” Kentarou sits up, grabbing the blanket he’d kicked off that morning to pull it over them. “Get some sleep, we’ve been awake way too long…”

Yahaba nods, moving closer to Kentarou’s warmth again. He jumps a little when he feels Kentarou’s hand curl around his lower back, but he relaxes when he feels that Kentarou’s fingers are softly rubbing at his muscles.

“I love you,” Yahaba whispers, his breath tickling Kentarou’s skin.

“I know,” he mumbles back, “I’m so in love with you, I’d believe anything you’d tell me.”

Yahaba softly snorts. “Okay, you can stop being so corny. I seriously do love you…”

Kentarou nods, “yeah, I know.”

“And I’ll never leave you.”

“... I believe you.”

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can view the picture over on my tumblr with and without the lighting effect that I posted here -->[mellowdoodles.tumblr.com](http://mellowdoodles.tumblr.com/post/163706971393/from-the-latest-chapter-of-numb-our-minds-two)


	16. Epilogue

Watari slowly brings the cookie to his mouth, looking between the other two. It’s clear he’s curious, and he’s not even trying to hide it. Shigeru doesn’t meet his gaze, instead he focuses on the table between himself and his boyfriend.

Kentarou seems to be doing the same.

They never really told Watari they had finally gotten together - Watari also never asked, but he clearly knew back in October - and no one else at school really figured it out until after the New Year when Oikawa showed up to practice unannounced with the other third years in tow and told everyone about how he’d run into them during Christmas Eve.

That they’d been on a date.

It was an unspoken agreement between them - no one needed to know except their families, and they already knew. Shigeru and Kentarou spent the last week of October happily in one another’s company, and the entire month of November and beginning of December in what Shigeru’s mother called a ‘honeymoon phase.’ At school they treated one another as they had before, keeping their hands to themselves and keeping their words to a minimum when speaking to each other. Shigeru was sure that Kentarou wanted to keep their relationship private for as long as possible.

In contrast, their private moments were heated and there was not an inch of one another they hadn’t explored by this point. Sometimes they were sexual, but most of the time they just released the pent up energy of not letting themselves reach for one another in public by grabbing onto and not letting go once behind closed doors. They usually fell asleep holding onto each other, either Momo or Aki (depending on who’s house they went to) curled up beside them.

So running into Oikawa and Iwaizumi - who were also clearly on a date - during Christmas Eve had basically shattered those plans of privacy.

Shigeru and Kentarou didn’t appreciate the team staring at them after Oikawa’s announcement, as though no one could believe it, and while it was nice that they also didn’t seem to mind, it was awkward knowing they were being watched whenever they spoke. As if the team thought that if they watched them now, they’d see how in love the two apparently were.

It was Watari that continued to approach them the same way. In fact, he still didn’t acknowledge their relationship and never asked them for details.

Momo scratches at Shigeru’s leg and he reaches down to the put the cat on the table, putting him into view.

“So,” Watari breaks the silence, and Shigeru flinches at the sound. He thinks he sees Kentarou do the same from his peripherals, but he wasn’t sure. “What am I here for again?”

Shigeru still didn’t know, and instead he focuses on playing with his fur-child. Kentarou shifts a little, and Shigeru wonders if he had been the one to ask Watari to come back to Shigeru’s home with them.

Watari sighs, putting the half eaten cookie back down on the little plate he’d made himself. “Okay, seriously, is there something wrong? I mean, you two haven’t exactly pulled away from each other long enough to invite me to hang out anymore—”

“ _What_?” Shigeru squeaks, snapping his gaze onto Watari. “What do you mean?”

“Please, Yahaba, I think I know what lovestruck idiots looks like,” Watari scoffs, smirking a little when Shigeru’s face heats. “You’re still soaking in that new-found love between each other, I get it. But I wasn’t expecting to be asked to hang with you guys until… I don’t know, April?” Watari shrugs, “so like… is everything okay? Am I playing mediator to some issue or whatever?”

Shigeru frowns, turning to Kentarou. He still hasn’t looked up from the table. “Well, I don’t know what you were asked here for either. Ken, could you enlighten us?”

Momo jumps over to Kentarou as all eyes turn to him, startling him a little as he focuses on the rambunctious young cat. Shigeru narrows his eyes when Kentarou doesn’t look away from Momo and begins to play with his adopted fur-child. He knows that means Kentarou is pretending he didn’t hear the question.

“ _Kentarou_...”

Kentarou’s shoulders slump and he turns his eyes up to look at Shigeru. The tips of his ears are extremely red, and there’s a slight pink hue dusting his cheeks. It’s adorable, but it also means he was definitely planning something.

“Nevermind,” he huffs, looking back down to Momo, “it was stupid…”

Watari snorts a laugh, “oh please, Kyoutani. It’s just me and Yahaba - I don’t judge and Yahaba’s too in love with you to give a shit if you do something weird—”

“Hey!” (He’s not wrong, but still.)

“—so, if there’s something you needed my help with, please; go ahead,” Watari smiles at him, and Shigeru looks between them.

Briefly, Shigeru wonders if Kentarou and Watari had gotten closer as friends in the last few months. Then he wonders how he doesn’t know the answer to that - he’s dating Kentarou and Watari’s his best friend, how can he _not_ know for sure?

But the way Kentarou seems to relax gives him the only answer he really needs. They were definitely closer if Kentarou felt comfortable enough to trust Watari with something involving their relationship.

Kentarou turns around, grabbing something from his bag before he places it on the table. Momo paws at it, but Kentarou grabs hold of the cat and plops him down in his lap, away from the small box.

Shigeru stares at it.

“Oh,” Watari breathes, but he doesn’t sound surprised. “I get ‘cha.”

Shigeru stares at the black velvet box a little more.

“Watari,” Kentarou starts, voice clear and certain, “could you marry Shigeru and I?”

Shigeru stares at the ring box with wide eyes.

Slowly, Shigeru drags his gaze up to Kentarou’s face, and he gapes at him. “You’re not serious…”

There’s a beat of silence, and the way Kentarou’s looking back at him tells him he’s completely serious.

Then Watari breaks through the silence again with, “yeah, I can do it.”

Shigeru whips his focus to his best friend. “Wait, _what_? No! You - you’re not able to marry people!”

“Why not?” Watari raises a brow at him, “it’s not an official wedding. It’s more like a pre-wedding… with promise rings.”

Shigeru gapes at him now, feeling as though this was set up. “Did… did you know he’d…?”

Watari smiles, “they’re really nice rings, I think you’ll like them.”

Kentarou’s still watching him, expression unchanging, but the redness on the back of his neck is creeping around and Shigeru knows he’s embarrassed.

Shigeru stares at Kentarou, face softening to a little smile. “Ken, do you really wanna get married?”

“One day,” he mumbles, and now he’s looking down to Momo, petting the still growing cat slowly. “For now… a promise is good enough.”

Shigeru feels his smile grow. Something tells him that Kentarou needs this between them, more than just the words they exchange or the TiMER reading out zeroes to them.

Kentarou needs a symbol between them, and an exchanging of rings is one of the easiest symbols of love in this day and age.

He reaches across the table, grabbing Kentarou’s hand and making his boyfriend look back up to him. They take a moment to look into one another’s eyes before Shigeru takes a deep breath, speaking to Watari without pulling his gaze away.

“Whatever it is you’re going to do,” Shigeru feels light when Kentarou begins to smile back at him, “go ahead and ‘marry’ us, Watari.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Eyy~! It's done! I actually changed my original idea for the epilogue to being something much shorter and just sickeningly sweet. I hope you all enjoyed it and keep an eye out for any future KyouHaba stories from me (｡◕ᴗ◕｡) you can follow me over on tumblr at [mellowdoodles](http://mellowdoodles.tumblr.com/) seeing as I keep regular updates to life and story plans over there!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for sticking with me through this whole story! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!


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